Battling Burnout, Lighting a Candle

I'm cleaning like a crazy woman today. I have a lot on my mind and an urgent prayer intention driving my mania. I've decided that I'm definitely an active prayer warrior. I might even be hyperactive. My mail has been interesting lately. I've had letters from people taking me to task for posting the nesting list and chiding me for making people feel badly and perhaps even contributing to the burnout of homeschool moms. And then, I've had letters from women who identify with my need to stay busy and keep moving in order to bring peace to my life. I think perhaps the disparity is one of temperament. I'm me and I've lived with me long enough to know what I need at this stage of pregnancy. And believe me, it's not to sit still and let my imagination have free reign over my life. It's to keep active and to do what I can to fulfill my corporal duties, offering it all in active prayer. I battle burnout, literally, by lighting my prayer candle and then working in my home. I find that the sleep it induces at the end of the day is a restful one.

I've also read several emails from moms who are burned out. or just plain exhausted. This is sort of unusual this time of year. I found this post to be a wonderful synopsis of what works for me when I'm approaching burnout. Clearly, the contradictory mail indicates that it's not every woman's solution. But certainly, Sarah offers a suggestion or two that will suit everyone.  Take some time to think about what she offers. I can't sit still a moment longer, but I'll be back later with just few more items to add to Sarah's list.

Pruning Roses and Souls

Last year, I planted roses. I planted two varieties, six bushes in all. Three of the bushes were white roses called John Paul II. The other three were Our Lady of Guadalupe roses — beautiful pink roses that bloomed abundantly until the first week in December. 
I had been warned by experienced gardeners that growing roses was tricky business. But I found otherwise. Michael dug some holes, we stuck the bushes in, filled them up and watered occasionally. We were rewarded by bouquet after bouquet of fresh-cut, sweet smelling roses for over six months. I admit that I thought I’d stumbled upon the perfect rose bushes.
I wasn’t sure what to do with them last winter, so I didn’t do anything. I wasn’t sure what to do with them in the spring and I was so sick with all-day-long morning sickness I didn’t care. The roses came back and all through May, they bloomed generously. Yep. I had this rose thing all figured out.
And then June came. The leaves started to turn yellow with black spots. Holes appeared in the leaves. Blooms yellowed on the vine before they fully opened. The bushes looked like they were dying very, very quickly. I asked for rose advice and it came back to me with authority — prune them way back, remove every trace of the diseased leaves and branches, clear the debris from the ground, treat the remaining plant and then wait for it to come back, healthier than ever. I was heartsick at the thought.
I set out with Mary Beth early one morning to do the deed. We donned gardening gloves and wielded pruning shears. She began to cut one leaf at a time. I told her to cut the whole branch. She cut off the tip. I told her to go lower and cut the whole branch. She winced. So did I. She questioned the wisdom of removing so much of the plant. I told her that the experts claimed that it was necessary to save the plant. And so, together, almost silently, we cut all six bushes back to nearly bare branches.
When were almost finished, I commented to her, “You know, God does this. He is the master gardener and He most certainly does prune. There are times in our lives we will feel stripped as bare as these bushes. Remember this morning. Remember how hard it was to cut it all away. Remember how much we want to save these flowers.”
She nodded solemnly. She thought I was nuts. One day, she will remember.
We set about in life with such good intentions. We fill our lives with relationships and our calendars with events. We get involved and seek friendships. Most of us seek also to give and to serve. We look for opportunities for our children to learn and to grow. We think we’ve found the perfect plan. For a while, it all blooms so beautifully. Our happy combination of activities bears abundant, sweet-smelling blossoms. We are quite sure it’s all God’s will for us.
And then the black spots start to creep up. Sometimes, it’s a slow process. Sometimes, we wake up one morning and find the whole bush covered with blackened, holey leaves. If we allow it, God begins to prune. Often, the pruning is painful, very painful. The only way to bear the pain of the pruning is to keep our eyes on the face of the Gardener. He has a plan. It’s a plan to save us, a plan to allow us to bloom abundantly. But first, He must strip us bare. 
And there we stand in the summer sun, naked in our seemingly barren state. Very little green remains, no blooms can be seen. We need to begin again, confident that the Gardener will provide all we need to grow and flourish. We trust in the One who said, “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine-grower. He removes every branch in me that bears no fruit. Every branch that bears fruit he prunes to make it bear more fruit. You have already been cleansed by the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing” (Jn 15:1-5).

Getting Back on Track

For some people, early pregnancy is a few of weeks of fleeting nausea and then there's a huge burst of second trimester energy. Not for me. At least, not for me in the last few pregnancies. This time isn't quite as bad as last time. I'm actually vertical occasionally and I've already left the house more during this pregnancy than during the whole nine months last time. Still, I'm dragging. I'm still pretty nauseous. My handy-dandy glucometer tells me I still have a perpetual case of low blood sugar. This time, I'm also very cranky. That's new for me. I'm trying not be cranky, but the crankies keep winning. Life feels very out of kilter. It's time to get back on track. But I know I will be challenged by the effort involved in balancing my physical (in)ability with my hopes of restoring peace to my home and to my heart.

A friend recently reminded me of the burnout chapter in Real Learning. Good idea. I started by reading that. Then, I made myself a list of the things I know to be necessary for me to pull myself out of a funk:

• I need to sleep more. A nursing toddler combined with a husband who keeps very irregular hours are really not good for this aging pregnant woman. I need to nap and to figure out how we can all co-exist peacefully in this house at night.
• I need to re-establish a household routine and restore the order necessary to making sure that our lives run smoothly. There's a little voice that says that I can't expect optimal functioning while pregnant and sick but there's a louder voice that tells me that the stress of a poorly run and messy household makes me feel much worse. Not quite sure what the solution is here but I'm reading Simplifying Your Domestic Church, a free download from CHC in hopes of being inspired. The truth is,  I've never seen Peter Walsh or Martha Stewart address the unique challenges of homeschooling a huge family and keeping up with the "good things" while pregnant. I have high hopes that the CHC people will be a little more understanding and a lot more practical.
• I need to get outside early in the day every day and I need to make sure that I keep our nature dates every week. I know that this time nurtures me in a way nothing else can.
• It always helps me to do something creative with my hands. I lost my Miraculous Medal necklace several weeks ago. I figured I'd find it by St. Anthony's feast. I didn't. I still haven't given up hope, but I think I'll make a different one for now.
• I need to keep writing. This is probably the trickiest of the resolutions, because I'm really wrestling with whether or not to publish any more. My life keeps filling and interacting with the world outside my home often drains me of energy and attention for things--and people--inside my home.It's clear I need to drastically reduce internet time again. It's a constant dialogue with God. I only want to do His will. And then, I'll be hit with something at 4 AM and know I won't be able to sleep until the words are allowed to spill out. There's no doubt that I need to write. It's the parameters I need to put on the publishing that are not so clear. To that end,
• I need to re-commit to my resolve to  organize my life around the rhythm of prayer and no other rhythm. This is the big thing. This is how all the other pieces will fall into place. I've been re-reading Jen's series on bringing peace to daily life. She has so many, many good things to read there. And so much of it is counter-cultural:-). The more children I have and the older they get, the more I find myself being drawn into the culture. Even though my children aren't in school, I have to meet the demands of other people's schedules and I have to consider how other people think I should be spending my time because they are pulling on my children's time. And then there is the cacophony of voices whispering, while heads are shaking in disbelief over the lifestyle we've chosen. It's a lonely world out there. Even within the homeschooling community, there can be a very real sense of isolation. Only God is constant. Only God is ever ready to be the light in the darkness. He wants me to seek Him. He wants me to find Him. Even though I feel like I'm barely going these days, I need to take those "hard stops" and pray-- often.

So that's it: the grand plan for getting back on track.

Beginning right now.

From the inbox...

A visitor to my blog writes:

I love your blog, but honestly, reading it makes me want to quit homeschooling.  I am the mother of 4, ages 6 (soon to be 7), 5, 3, and 11 months.  I can never imagine myself doing what you do.  Do you even sleep??  All of your stuff looks so awesome and inspiring, but I just don't know how I am ever going to have the time.  As it is I barely get math and reading done with my first two.  Add on potty training, illness, van maintenance, errands, housework... I just can figure out how to organize it all.  And you do it with many more kids, and a blog to boot...Sorry to dump.  I just feel very small and incompetent next to all the things you have done and do with your kids. :-(

Dear Friend,
I really think you should stop reading my blog. Take some time to step back, with your husband, and discern whether or not God is calling you to educate your children at home. If indeed He is, then surround yourself only with things which encourage you, educate you, and build you up. Don't waste precious time reading blogs that cause you to compare yourself to someone else unfavorably and to ultimately become discouraged. Please remember, you cannot possibly know all the components of anyone else's life, whether online or in real life. God hasn't called you to be like anyone else. He's called you to be what He created you to be. If my blog or anyone else's blog or any kind of curriculum discourages you, don't go there. Find resources which can help you meet your needs. Time is too precious to waste on any input that is not useful to you. I've written about bad days and burnout and time management, but I might not be speaking your language. If not, don't read it. There are so many, many worthy ideas out there. Homeschooling doesn't look the same in every family. I encourage you to find the lifestyle to which God is calling your family. You can be assured of my prayers as you discern!

C is for Children

"The soul is healed by being with children."  Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I am asked frequently about avoiding burnout and recovery from burnout.  There is a chapter in Real Learning devoted to burnout. I wrote that chapter ten years ago. Still, I have not entirely vanquished burnout. It still lurks here, waiting to sweep me up and envelope me, smothering joy and sapping enthusiasm.  I know myself well enough now to know the signs as it creeps. And, thankfully, I know how to keep it at bay.

As contrary as it seems at first, the trick to avoiding burnout-- for me-- is more time with my children. It's important that the time isn't all frantic, rushed time. It needs to be focused time, time spent without the distractions of adult conversations and responsibilities. Children are rarely the cause of my burnout; working them in around the adults in my life is the cause of my burnout.

And so, the "cure" or the prevention is to spend time with them, unencumbered by the demands of grownups. I cannot be tethered to the telephone or the computer. I need to look them in the eye when they are talking to me and I need to listen with my full attention. And when I do, I find my soul is readily healed by children.

I made a mistake when I started this academic year with few plans. I was pulled away all summer and did not give the proper time and attention to planning for the fall. I was scrambling instead of peaceful when our year began. And, frankly, I was mourning. Michael's departure, however wonderful for all of us, left a big hole in the fabric of our family life. In hindsight,  should have taken a week by myself to pull together plans and to reflect on our new rhythms. Instead, I barreled ahead.

God can take anything and bring a great good out of it if only I allow Him to do so. He took my stacks of books and ideas and He took my frequent and somewhat frantic conversations with caring friends and He returned to me something of beauty. They are lesson plans, yes. But they are so much more. They are an opportunity to begin anew, to see again the joy of childhood through the eyes of my children, to heal my soul.

Serendipity represents what we are actually doing in the heart of my home. It's blogging from the overflow, the afterglow. It is a record  of our learning but it is not nor will it ever be anything but the bubbling over of the good that exists in my real life with my real children. I won't rob from them to blog for someone else. I will, however, gratefully share from abundance.

The plans are in place now. The schedule is finally tweaked (Download elizabeths_weekly_calendar2.pdf ). I have a vision for our days and weeks and even the whole year. (I've even begun to spin the tales for next year in my head). The rhythm will follow, I am sure, but only if I am committed to being truly present in the lives of my children. They need me. But even more, I need them.