Gathering My Thoughts

.

.

I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

Nick and I were later than we’d hoped to be to goalkeeper training Monday night. We made a decision to pull over and capture the sunset. He’s been so desperately wanting to do this that I took iPhone pics and put the big camera around his neck. We’re both very pleased.

I’ve been consciously focusing on home these days, trying to hear God’s call here and to appreciate the beauty in both this time and this place. All the pictures this week were taken at places very much a part of my daily round

::listening to 

ringing in my head. Mike and I went to our high school reunion Saturday night. We got back to the hotel around 1:00. When I found myself shivering and nauseous around 2:00, I thought maybe that’s what happens when I go over my one-glass-of-wine limit (I had two glasses in the space of seven hours, but you never know). I don’t know why I didn’t remember at the time that my girls have recently had what Karoline called “the dizzy fever.” Dizzy fever indeed. Thanks for sharing with Mama. I’m still shivering and sweating and my head’s ringing.

::clothing myself in 

Yoga pants, sweatshirt, and hand knit cashmere socks sent to me by Elizabeth DeHority. The rain and the wind brought cooler temperatures to the evening. Nothing like welcoming autumn weather with a touch of cashmere.

::thinking and thinking

About this:

Unfortunately, experiences of moral failure, group meltdowns, personal pettiness, and partison harshness in congregations and ommunities make us wonder if our efforts in building community are worth the trouble. We often invest great hope in our Christian communities, and when there are serious ruptures, it feels as if part of the kingdom has been trampled. How is it that people who want closer relationships and deeper experiences of shared life sometimes find themselves in terribly difficult situations--sorting out betrayals, broken commitments, and creeping cynicism?

Growing into the likeness of Christ and into the church as it's supposed to be cannot be separated from the messiness and disappointments that are part of human relationships. We can protect ourselves from such difficulties only by cutting ourselves off from our relationships, and that is rarely a satisfactory option. Nevertheless, we can build and maintain congregations--just like we do with marriages, families, monastic communities, and businesses--in better or worse ways. Good communities and lifegiving congregations emerge at the intersection of divine grace and steady human effort.

~from Living into Community.

I have a lot of regrets about community in the last decade. Most about an online community where I invested far too much time and assumed far too much about friendship. Sadly, there has been a fair share of trial and scandal in our local church community, too. In both cases, the scars, particularly where some of my kids are concerned are deep and still painful to the touch. And yet. And yet, try as I might to deny it, I know He created us for community.

Just where? And how?

::pondering prayerfully

“How is it God, that you have given me this hectic busy life when I have so little time to enjoy your presence? Throughout the day, people are waiting to speak with me, and even at meals, I have to continue talking to people about their needs and problems. During sleep itself I am still thinking and dreaming about the multitude of concerns that surround me. I do all this not for my own sake, but for yours. I only hope that for you it is truly a sacrifice of love. I know that you are constantly beside me, yet I am usually so  busy that I ignore you. If you want me to remain so busy, please force me to think about and love you even in the midst of such hectic activity. If you do not want me so busy, please release me from it, showing other how they can take over my responsibilities.” St. Teresa of Avila

::carefully cultivating rhythm

At the beginning of a season, rhythm takes careful thought and quite a bit of discipline. Then, it sort of dissolves into a natural, easy flow. We have finally reached the flowing stage. Alleluia! Amen.

::creating by hand

I bound off on the body of a baby sweater last night. On to the sleeves! And I cut a top for Sarah today. I hope to feel well enough tomorrow to sew early in the morning.

::learning lessons in

Food again. I slacked off on the “no gluten-no dairy-no sugar” resolve. It’s always really hard during birthday week. I’m seven pounds heavier and my joints are stiff and painful. So, if I needed to learn whether food makes a difference, I just did.

::encouraging learning 

in geography. My four-year-old can look at the shape of a state and the outline of the country (with no states outlined) and put her finger on the spot where that state belongs. She can do it for all 50 states consecutively without missing one. I did nothing. Stack the States app is all kinds of amazing.

::begging prayers

for all the intentions of our prayer community.

::keeping house

I think dipping leaves in beeswax and bringing autumn to the mantel are in order this week.

::crafting in the kitchen 

Is anybody else putting pumpkin in everything? I can’t seem to help myself...

.

.

.

::loving the moments

when we gather with friends and family on the sidelines of a soccer match. On Friday night, we had dinner with my father and stepmother. We went to watch Patrick play. There, we met my friend Sharon and her husband. Sharon went to high school with us and she was a dear friend in my early mothering days. Sitting next to her, sharing mom hearts, it was just like old times. Even better.

::giving thanks 

for our high school reunion, old friends, and warm conversations.

living the liturgy

I’ve moved my morning Liturgy of the Hours time from the closet with my bike to the sewing room. I know I do this at the risk of not being able to squeeze the exercise in at midday, where I now have it penciled. But right now, I need to make a commitment to sewing time and sewing has naturally become a kind of prayer. So let’s see how it works there.

::planning for the week ahead

Colleen arrives tomorrow. After a whirlwind trip all over the country meeting interesting and influential people, she’s going to spend a few days resting and recovering here. I have no one influential lined up for her and nothing especially interesting. Our days will be filled with autumn walks, homemade soup, crusty bread, and the Jane Austen movie marathon Karoline has planned.

The weekend will take the boys and me to Princeton, NJ for a soccer tournament.

.

.

.

.

Gathering My Thoughts

'

.

.

.

.

.

I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

I love the way the sun sets at the soccer field. It’s happening earlier and earlier each evening. Next week, we might miss it altogether. I am determined to bring my camera tomorrow in order to attempt to capture it. The iPhone just isn’t cutting it.

::listening to 

soccer practice.

::clothing myself in 

Denim shorts and an orange shirt, neither of which I owned last spring. When we first saw possibilities for the cover of Small Steps, I didn’t much prefer the one that was chosen. It’s been a few babies since I’ve felt comfortable in shorts and orange isn’t really my color;-). When I received word that the “shorts cover” was indeed the cover chosen, I went shopping. I try really, really, super hard to be wholly authentic. If my book had a picture of a lady in shorts with an orange shirt and her feet up drinking coffee, by golly, I was going to make every effort to try that whole scene at least once. So, I did.

I still rarely put my feet up. I don’t drink coffee regularly. My couch does not match my orange shirt. And the orange shirt still isn’t really my color. But the denim shorts?

I kind of love them.

::talking with my children about these books

we spent a lot of time talking about 9/11 books last week. The kids seemed to keep revisiting them, much more so than in years past. We haven’t yet talked about the recent D.C. shooting. I put a ban on all television where they might be exposed. I spent a fair amount of time making telephone calls in my car so that I was safely out of earshot. I need to figure out how to approach this one. This time, it’s going to take me a few days to find words.

::thinking and thinking

About God’s unique call. I wonder sometimes at the damage done by a women’s movement that fought so hard and so long to persuade the culture that women can do it all—be wives, mothers, employees, employers, artisans, crafters of the ideal life. No ceiling, no boundaries, no limitations. But there are, aren’t there? Natural law makes it so. There are only so many hours, so much energy. We can’t do it all and we likely will burn ourselves out trying. The culture tells us we can. God doesn’t. God calls us uniquely to live as He created us and He grants us abundant grace to do it. He didn’t create us for burnout. That feeling of being stretched too thin, doing everything halfheartedly and nothing well? That’s not of God.

::pondering prayerfully

Let yourself be seen by all as you really are. Just as we are in the sight of God, so let us be in the sight of all.

~ St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

::carefully cultivating rhythm

We are in the second full week of the total schedule. I’m finding my writing pockets. Those are like little nuggets of gold. Writing does for me what knitting does—it calms me; it organizes my thoughts; it leaves me feeling full. I get a little stressed out when I’m not sure how I’ll fit it in. It relaxes me to see those golden nuggets of time reveal themselves.

::creating by hand

I did the things Monday that keep me from sewing. I prewashed a whole bunch of yardage. And I traced. I ordered some patterns (that I thought I’d already ordered but apparently in my sleepless stupor last week I never sealed the deal). I’m planning some shirts and dresses for my girls and a little love bundle for the mail. Now, I might actually get to sew!

::learning lessons in

appliance maintenance. Just in case there is someone else out there who doesn’t know: Take the cover off your dryer every month. Vacuum out the inside. I’m not talking about the lint screen. You have to clean that every time you switch loads. I’m talking about the innards, where the heating element warms the drum. Lint gets in there. And it can catch fire. When it does, it causes the thermostat to overheat, igniting the safety valve which shuts the whole thing down. That’s the best case scenario: you get a load full of dried clothes that smell like you had a wild time in a smoky bar and you have to replace the thermostat.

The worst case scenario is the stuff of nightmares.

Really, go vacuum out the inside of your dryer.

::encouraging learning 

We’re hitting that sweet spot between planned lessons and following rabbit trails. I’m not an unschooler; been there, done that, paid a huge price. I have a plan and I have some non-negotiable essentials. But I do love a good jaunt in  an area of interest that reinforces the whole notion that learning is fun and has purpose.

::begging prayers

for the victims of the tragedy in Washington, D.C., both those who lost their lives and those who lived through the horror. My stepbrother works in Building 197. He saw unspeakable things.

for all the intentions of our prayer community.

And yes, for that intention I was keeping quiet; it’s still very close to my heartJ  

::keeping house

I am nearly caught up after being without a dryer for 9 days. Go me.

::crafting in the kitchen 

This morning I made a quick decision to return to Monday Night Football Geography. With that decision, I committed to cooking on Monday nights according to the cities that are playing. Tonight’s dinner was super fun.

::loving the moments

It’s been a rough couple of days. I caught some sort of virus late last week and it has hung on. That, coupled with a lack of sleep, a mountain of laundry, some great ideas that I don’t have time to get into print, an unintentional oil spill and cleanup to rival BP in my driveway, sewing projects that are not yet begun awaiting the magic moment, and the very tragic news of Monday morning had all combined to bring me way, way down. I sent a friend a quick note around midday Monday and she stopped and spent an hour just talking and sharing and understanding. I love the moments when I feel understood. We really need to do that for one another, don’t we? We need to understand.

::giving thanks 

for the safety of the people I love tonight. Really, it’s not to be taken for granted.

living the liturgy

We are approaching my favorite stretch of liturgical feasts. I’m so grateful for the way that the liturgy aligns with birthdays in my life. Five years ago, we began the novena for St. Therese on the September 23, the feast of Padre Pio. I began to bleed that night and the doctor in the NICU told me that birth was imminent. My baby was 28+ weeks in utero. I didn’t deliver. Instead, I spent several days in the hospital and then I returned home where I was forbidden to get out of bed. I surrounded myself with the saints. I’m going to tell you more about that tomorrow. Just know that those saints kept me safe in their prayers. My daughter was born –early, but healthy—on the vigil of All Saints. So very appropriate. And, not long after, when my world crashed and rocked and I began to question the Church because of the people in the Church, I could not walk away. Because I could not leave the communion of saints, I could not leave the Divine Office, and I could not live authentically without living the liturgy.

::planning for the week ahead

I return to the eye doctor Tuesday at noon. I would dearly love for her to tell me that we’ve made progress on this whole warped eyeball thing. I only have one ear. My eyes are working at about 50%. Just know this: I have an incredible sense of smell. So there’s that.

Mike is taking a bunch of boys to watch Paddy play Tuesday night. It’s absolutely beautiful soccer weather. That’s a good thing because we’ll return to Charlottesville Friday and then we’ll begin State Cup for Stephen back here on Saturday and there is a match for both Stephen and Nick on Sunday.

I do love to watch them play.

Gathering my Thoughts

I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

Karoline made an amazing daytime discovery last week. While she was playing with her treehouse-dollhouse in front of the sunroom windows, she looked out onto the vegetable garden and discovered a rather fat groundhog munching away on the okra. Mystery solved. Now what to do about him?

::listening to 

Goalkeeper training. One hour every Monday night. Just long enough to put a post together while I sit in the parking lot, I think..

::clothing myself in 

Running shoes, capris, t-shirt. I really planned start Couch to 5K tonight. Then I got here and decided to blog instead.

::talking with my children about these books

The Chronicles of Narnia and in which order to read them.

And I've pulled out our 9/11 books.

::thinking and thinking

About Syria and the complexities of this world. Heck, the complexities of my nieghborhood, where Martin Luther King would cringe to discover that all that the children played together in our big backyard until the day of the epic argument when one of them said there was one God and another countered that there were really 7 and then someone chimed in that Mohammed was better than Jesus and then... none of them came back. True story.

::pondering 

Our work for peace must begin within the private world of each one of us. To build for man a world without fear, we must be without fear. To build a world of justice, we must be just. And how can we fight for liberty if we are not free in our own minds? How can we ask others to sacrifice if we are not ready to do so?... Only in true surrender to the interest of all can we reach that strength and independence, that unity of purpose, that equity of judgment which are necessary if we are to measure up to our duty to the future, as men of a generation to whom the chance was given to build in time a world of peace. ~Dag Hammarskjold

::carefully cultivating rhythm

Wellll… Last week was a mixed bag. I really don’t know how well my intended rhythm will work, yet. We had a death in the family on Sunday and so, an unexpected trip to New York at the end of the week. I left Mary Beth in charge at home. She kept them all alive and well, but my rhythm? Not so much.

I've also come to recognize that my gym routine from last winter isn't going to work this fall. So, it's back to the exercise bike in my closet for me. I could still hit the gym in the early morning if I wanted to but I don't really see the point of driving there for cardio. It's the classes I really love and those don't fit into our school days since they've eliminated some early times. So, for this season, it's the close bike thing and "mat classes" online at home with my girls. And maybe even Couch to 5K around soccer fields.

::creating by hand

I hung the draperies for the dance studio today. I’d like to do some fall shirts for the girls this week. I saw new Oliver + S patterns and I’m very, very tempted.

On the trip to New York, I knit some love into a sweet little cardigan. Very sweet. Very little.

::learning lessons in

flexibility. I work really hard before a new term to think through every possible detail. I make lesson plans, driving plans, meal plans. Then, I go after those lists with all kinds of diligence to try to make them come to life in a composed, orderly fashion. Then life happens. The first week of school found me asking near strangers to take my children to soccer, packing a suitcase, and leaving Mary Beth in charge as Mike and I left the state. Mary Beth promised to try to stick to the plan and make it all remain calma nd orderly and predictable. She explained to her boss, our state delegate, that she would not be in to work.

He called anyway. He explained that there were some letters he needed her help writing. Then, there were about 4,000 other letters that need to find their way into envelopes. So, she called an audible and "Shakespeare Friday" became this:

::encouraging learning 

This week is for tweaking the longterm plan. I’ve definitely planned too much for some of my children and not enough for at least one of them. Tweaking is a good thing, I know, even if right now it feels like a nuisance.

::begging prayers

for the lonely and depressed.

for all the intentions of our prayer community.

And yes, for that intention I was keeping quiet; it’s still very close to my heart.

::keeping house

Let’s see. I left town for a couple of days, oh and the dryer is broken. So, yeah, this afternoon was all about a major cleaning blitz. The dryer thing should be solved by Wednesday. If it’s not, there will be a mandatory laundromat trip on Thursday.

::crafting in the kitchen 

The cooler weather has inspired a craving for Pasta Fagiole or Minestrone or Mulligatawny Stew. Or all three.

::loving the moments

when my extended family is gathered. Even though the occasion was sad, it was happy. My great aunt lived to be 96. She had a way of making sure that everyone thought he or she was the favorite. She lived life full-on and she loved the same way. It was really a blessing to celebrate a life so well lived.

::giving thanks 

for life and breath and hope.

living the liturgy

Making plans to celebrate all those favorite feasts of fall (lots of links there).

::planning for the week ahead

This is our first full week of homeschooling, full soccer schedule, and full dance schedule. It’s also the week of our 26^th wedding anniversary.

Gathering My Thoughts

I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

Something rather large had its way with my garden a couple days ago. From the trampling and the tracks and the height of the leaves that are gone, I suspect a deer. If you could see where I live, you’d know why this hard to wrap my brain around. It’s just not that rural at all. That was one very audacious (or lost) deer.

::listening to 

the ceiling fan. I’m in Charlottesville this morning, enjoying quiet in the morning before a really busy day.

::clothing myself in 

Today, I’ll wear a white eyelet shirt and a khaki colored skirt. I’ve packed a gauzy scarf that sort of ties it all together, but it’s going to be ninety degrees and humid. So, we’ll see about that scarf.

::talking with my children about these books

Let the book discussions begin in abundance. Tomorrow is our first official day of the term and it’s going to be a Storybook Year.

::thinking and thinking

About transitions.

::pondering 

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn

::carefully cultivating rhythm

I’ve worked really hard to plan for this school year. An actual schedule, subject-by-subject? That’s going to have to grow organically. I sense there will be undue demand on the two laptops we have and on the new iPad. Several of our planned subjects are computer-dependent. And there will be some demand on Mom, too. So, we’re just going to have to see how it all sifts out. The first day is always tricky.

::creating by hand

We did some back-to-school sewing—a couple of pretty notebooks covers and I finally got around to helping Kari finish a pillowcase she started long ago. I still need to make headbands for Karoline’s dance company before dance begins next week. And then there are draperies for the dance studio.

::learning lessons in

a new season of life.

::encouraging learning 

I have everything all keyed in Homeschool Helper. We'll see how it goes.

::begging prayers

for the repose of the soul of my beloved Aunt Ida, who died yesterday.

for all the intentions of our prayer community.

And yes, for that intention I was keeping quiet; it’s still very close to my heart.

::keeping house

I had hoped to have the basement perfectly clean by the time school started. It’s not. Christian’s room is perfect and the bathroom is very clean (and in need of a contractor), but the rest is still happening slowly. My new goal is to have it clean by the time Colleen visits early next month.

::crafting in the kitchen 

My freezer is nearly stocked. This “stocked” status is actually far fewer meals than when the same freezer was stocked previously. I’ve been freezing in glass jars because I’m trying not to use plastic. Zipper freezer bags laid flat are far, far more space saving. It’s a conundrum because this glass thing isn’t terribly efficient.

::loving the moments

when, after three and half hours wait time at DMV, Mary Beth got her driver’s license. Oh, happy day! She promptly scrubbed the spare car clean of all big brother evidence and volunteered to go to the grocery store and the dry cleaner and the hardware store and the ...

::giving thanks 

for a healthy heartbeat!

living the liturgy

Making plans to celebrate all those favorite feasts of fall (lots of links there).

::planning for the week ahead

I am in Charlottesville this morning, headed to Harrisonburg at noon, then back to Charlottesville for soccer tonight. Tomorrow, we begin our new term. There will be a visit to National Zoo. And then, there's soccer in Fredericksburg and Richmond at the end of the week. If nothing else, these litttle girls are truly getting to know Virginia.

Gathering my Thoughts

::noticing God's glory: 

The tips of the leaves are already changing color. This is early for Virginia. I read yesterday that The Farmer's Almanac is predicting an exceptionally cold winter. I believe it. I'm taking inventory of boots, coats, and gloves and stocking now. The child whom we call "Super," who happened to be born just after his father touched down upon return from a Super Bowl production turns 15 the day of the Super Bowl this year. He's already planning a party. There's a mighty storm predicted.

::listening to 

Sleepover girls eating French toast and making plans for the day. Last sleepover of the summer... 

::clothing myself in 

Fleece. It's chilly this morning but I know I'll shed layers as I go.

::talking with my children about these books

The other day, I saw the reading list for a high school. There were eight books across the curriculum, outside of textbooks. That's eight books for four years! So we've been talking about "don't miss" high school books. What are your suggestions?

::thinking and thinking

About how to explain the Middle East to kids. And how my father really did try to explain it to me. It's inexplicable really. Pray.

::pondering prayerfully

Romans 15:13

::carefully cultivating rhythm

Sigh. We made some major decisions, left two beloved teams with longtime, very close friends, and made our radius much, much smaller. 

I've reconstructed the master calendar for the next term. It's busy, but it's definitely do-able. I'm taking this week to think through every detail of rhythm and make sure that it's all intentional.

::creating by hand

I've pushed aside the "for me" blouse for the time being. Instead, I have a little birthday sewing to do for a friend of ours and I have some delicious fabric on its way for some very fun gift sewing that has spent too long in my brain. And there's a length of fabric stretched across my dining room table that is destined to be curtains for the dance studio. And then, there are fourteen more headbands that still need to happen...

::learning lessons in

finding my way around the county. I've done so much driving in other towns that I really don't know my way around my own backyard. At least I didn't until last week. After a very poor beginning in which I made my husband lost and late for work, I spent the rest of the week acquainting myself with all the (beautiful) fields all over Loudoun County as Nick and stephen had practice every day, sometimes twice a day. It was busy, but it was good, and now I have my grocery shopping, errand running mapped out for when the regular school year rhythm begins.

::encouraging learning 

You asked about this screen shot:

It's the Homeschool Helper app for iPad. Aimee uses it and I admit that this app was what pushed me to acquire an iPad. So far, I've really loved it. I'm nearly finished planning. The caveat, of course, is that I haven't actually used it yet day-to-day.

Speaking of the iPad, stay tuned for a guest post full of educational apps. Very soon!

::begging prayers

There's this private {all good} intention close to my heart. Could you send a prayer up for this intention? One day, I'll tell you all about it.

::living the liturgy

Today is the Feast of St. Monica. She's pretty special. Beautiful prayer and icon here.

::keeping house

We're making slow progress in the basement. Christian's room and bathroom have been thoroughly cleaned and sanitized. I think the kids see the potential now. Hopefully, they will be more active participants in working the rest of it. This week, I'm all about getting the house really well kept so that we begin the school year from a place of peace.

::crafting in the kitchen 

I've been stocking the freezer with the bounty of the Farmer's Market.

::loving the moments

when tough decisions are affirmed. Nick's new team played his old team in a tournament last weekend. It was good to see old friends and we all felt very loved. The new team beat the old team in the semi-finals. One dear family stuck around to watch the finals with us. It's a gesture I will long treasure. When you've spent all weekend at the Soccerplex with two different kids playing and they're both finished and you really can go home and have half a Sunday, it's a big deal to stay and watch one more game. Turns out this game went to overtime and then penalty kicks. Nick was in goal for the PKs, made some great saves, and won the championship. It was a very sweet moment. Throughout the course of the day, the dear friend who made it all work for me last year, told me all about her decision to send her kids to school. It's the right decision for their family. Just as an aside, that decision would have mean that our plan would have come crumbling down had we not moved the boys closer. All good.

::giving thanks 

for peace as the new term approaches.

For some special people who sent Christian off with more love than I could have imagined. They chose the verse for Christian, but I've been carrying it around and considering it in my own heart a great deal since that night. 

::planning for the week ahead

I need to take Mary Beth to get her driver's license. Feel free to pray for that.

The rest of the week is all about preparing for the school year.

We have a great deal of activity coming our way this weekend. Nick has a tournament in Maryland. Patrick plays Friday night and Monday in Charlottesville. Tuesday is our "official" first day of school. I think I see apple picking on the agenda that day.