Gathering My Thoughts Amidst the Beautiful Mess

I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

There's nothing like an ice storm to make one catch her breath and wonder anew at the awesome artistry of our Creator. Awesome. In every sense of the word.

::listening to 

The Nutcracker station on Pandora. I love that my littlest can identify every piece of music from the ballet. Never gets old to hear her pipe up no more than a few notes in to every song.

::clothing myself in 

These amazing boots. I am a big fan of Dansko shoes and pretty much live in them. I baby my feet, I admit. I don't wear heels. I'd rather not wear shoes at all. Still, even with all the babying over all these years, I have a pretty significant neuroma in my right foot. Even the slightest narrowing hurts bigtime (no more TOMS for me). Dansko are nice and wide and very supportive. And these sweet boots are warm, too. I'm wearing them all the time. I got them at that link on a great sale. And I will wear them for a very long time, no doubt.

::talking with my children about these books

Those advent books are wrapped and ready! We've begun the picture book-fest. So nice to hear the old familiar stories. And I've tucked away the first book for our new granddaughter's collection. It's the first thing I've bought for her.  And everyone thought I'd head straight to Hanna Andersson! This is the first book I remember Michael reading to Christian. And Christian had it memorized, so I'm sure it was the first book he ever "read" to Patrick. Karoline read it to Sarah yesterday and there is no doubt Sarah will read it to her baby niece next year. We all still love it so well...

.

::thinking and thinking

about Christmas shopping. I have purchased exactly two gifts so far. Two! My strategy for life in the past couple of years is to carefully consider a week at a time, plan it all out and then do each day as it comes. If I look further ahead, I hyperventilate. It occurs to me that this might not be a good strategy when it comes to acquisitioning for Christmas. Still, I'm short on brain space right now.

::pondering 

Reverend Mother always says when the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window. 

(Maybe that's why it feels so drafty in here. Lots of open windows ;-)

::carefully cultivating rhythm

Advent has a rhythm of its own and even when it's turned on end, there are still the old, familiar traditions, perhaps in new spaces, that bring rhythm to its heartbeat.

The above could also be read: I dumped the contents of Christian's and Patrick's stockings into paper bags while standing with the rear liftgate of my van open in the freezing rain in the parking lot of Klockner stadium on December 6th, but by golly we celebrated St. Nicholas Day!

All good. Different, but good.

::creating by hand

I finished my first Boyfriend Scarf out of Quince Puffin. I love it! Now, I need some blocking advice. I have no special soaps or oils or anything here at home and no plans to leave the house today, but I do need to block today because I'm going to give it on Thursday. So, please, please chime in. I need you!

I've already cast on another. 

::learning lessons in

the Oxford comma. No, not really. I love the Oxford comma and  I don't really care much what Oxford says, I'm going to keep right on using it. 

::encouraging learning in

Gingerbread. 

Want to curl up with some beautiful books and dream of gingerbread? Here's an old post with lots of ideas so that you could do just that and even call it school. And here, are some truly wonderful books.

Gingerbread Friends

Gingerbread Baby

 

.

.

.

::begging prayers

Please come join our community of prayer.

For college students, facing the trials of exams and more.

For my friend Megan and her family and for the repose of the soul of her beautiful mother, Cynthia McMullen.

For our dear friend Shawn Kuykendall, who is suffering terribly, and for his family and friends. Please get to know Shawn a little better here. Leave it to Shawn to get The Washington Post into the National Cathedral to consider God.

For another young friend whose life is being rocked by cancer.

For Elizabeth DeHority who kept her Tuesday chemo date last week and is visiting her sister in England.

For the repose of the soul of Eldo Merlin Foss.

::keeping house

the house is clean enough. Really. Last year, I heard voices as I cleaned and decorated and tried so hard. This year, I know what is enough. And this is enough. 

 .

::crafting in the kitchen 

 We blew up the kitchen with confectioner's sugar and ten tons of candy yesterday. It was so much fun. The nice thing about this beautiful mess is that it all cleans up with a little hot water, a rag, and a mop.

I used Candy Cottages and mini cottages this year. I figured they were a wise investment since we never eat the gingerbread houses (we spray them with acrylic so the bugs don't get them). The kids seem pleased. We had a sweet friend join us, so I did get one of these so she could take it home with her (psst-that's a ridiculous price on Amazon. Harris Teeter has them for $10 and you can get them at Costco, too). We did bake some real gingerbread for eating. Nicholas declared that he likes gingerbread but hates molasses. We're all still trying to figure that one out. 

::giving thanks 

for snow days.

::loving the moments

when the day moves along, busy all day, with good things to do. My to-do list is overwhelming if I look at more than one day at a time and it would be easy to get discouraged (and sometimes I do), but truly, there is no life I'd rather be living and no one else I'd rather spend my days with. It's all good, even if it is real work some days. It's sweet work; a beautiful mess.

  

.

.

living the liturgy

Oh! Our Lady of Guadalupe and St. Lucy and the Sunday of Joy! We are nearly caught up on our Jesse Tree (definitely fell behind in the beginning, but we're getting there).  I feel ike this advent is going at the speed of some sort of Acela Polar Express. I'm trying to slow down, trying to walk softly and gently. This week is so full of advent joys it's likely to move in a beribboned blur. 

::planning for the week ahead

 There will be those liturgical points of light.

And there will be dress rehearsal and Opening Night and Closing Night, a Princess Tea performance day (2 shows), and a Nutcracker Tea performance day (2 shows). Oh, and then there's this other little thing: the NCAA Final Four, also known as the College Cup. Patrick will play (please pray he plays) the semi-finals in Philadlephia on Friday Night, also know as Nutcracker Opening Night. Kickoff should be right around the same time as the Sugar Plum Fairy dances her solo. Mike and I will hope that my cell phone works backstage (it won't). He's going to Philly. I'm going to the show. Then, if Patrick wins Friday night (please God), we'll both be able to go to the finals on Sunday. 

.

 .

.

Gathering My Thoughts

I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

I still haven't put that layer of topsoil on the front bed. I'm sure the girls didn't dig six inches to plant those tulips. We're going to have a "wintry mix" momentarily. I'm going to be so bummed if those tulips don't come up in the spring.

::listening to 

Christian teasing Sarah Annie incessantly. Music to my ears...for about the first hour. Now it's making me crazy.

::clothing myself in 

Layers. Lots and lots of layers. The wind chill was 7 degrees Sunday when Nick and I were hanging out together for soccer at sunrise. I wore running tights that are as old as he is under my jeans. And boots and two pairs of socks. I even wore a wool sweater for the occasion (and wool makes me itch and wheeze). Baby, it's cold ourtside! 

::talking with my children about these books

We fnished The Mysterious Benedict Society over the weekend. And we began the sequel, The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Perilous Journey. I admit, I'm hooked. On the drive to Ginny's (when we didn't have the boys with us and didn't want to get ahead of them with those books), the girls and I listened to Caddie Woodlawn. I'm sure this is the fourth time listening for me. It never gets old. 

::pondering prayerfully

"Have regular hours for work and play; make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well.  Then youth will be delightful, old age will bring few regrets, and life become a beautiful success, in spite of poverty." ~Marmee in Little Women.

::carefully cultivating rhythm

I've been well pleased with our  November rhythm, even though it was sorely tested and most definitely rocked. We will hold to the same basic plan through Advent. 

 

::creating by hand

Monday was a happy, creative day. I began early. Mike had a very early flight and I awoke with him. By 5:15, I was stitching my way around some pretty pink tulle. After that project was completed (I'll share it with needle & thREAD on Friday), I started working on some sweet, scrappy hostess gifts.  Then, with a fire roaring and Karoline begging to watch Little Women (again). I actually sat still in the middle of the afternoon and merrily knit away while Jo figured out the Professor Bhaer was a great catch. I like Professor Bhaer better in the movie than I do in the book. I really, really like him in the movie;-).

::learning lessons in

tutus. Plotting with one of the girls' teachers for the ultimate girls' weekend.

::encouraging learning 

Stephen is sprinting to the finish of the November Novel Writing month. We're reading Thanksgiving books just now. Mary Beth is back at work in the Delegate's office, helping to draft legislation before the winter session.

::begging prayers

For my friend Megan and her family and for the repose of the soul of her beautiful mother, Cynthia McMullen.

For our dear friend Shawn Kuykendall, who is suffering terribly, and for his family and friends. Please get to know Shawn a little better here. Leave it to Shawn to get The Washington Post into the National Cathedral to consider God.

For Elizabeth DeHority who kept her Tuesday chemo date today.

For the repose of the soul of Eldo Merlin Foss.

::keeping house

Today's the day: the final scrubdown before the first Sunday of Advent comes with all its decorating splendor. Total clutter elimination and a washing of every wall are the goals. We did the basement walls a couple of weeks ago and now I'm obesessed with wall washing. My poor kids are not fond of my obsessions. 

::crafting in the kitchen 

I'm making cinnamon honey butter today, to combine with the scrappy hostess gifts. It's in the experimental stage right now. I'll let you know how it goes.

::loving the moments

Mike has been gone for most of the last week. He was home for a few hours Sunday night and early Monday morning. I'm grateful for those few moments we had and I'm very much looking forward four days off. We need every minute of those four days.

::giving thanks 

for my husband, who is steadfast and strong. He's carrying a heavy load right now and doing it with determined holiness. He thinks it goes unnoticed. But I notice. And I'm so grateful. 

::living the liturgy

I've been prayerfully considering living liturgy almost every waking hour for the last few weeks. My own personal connection to living liturgy is the Liturgy of the Hours, more than anything else. It's real and accessible and such a gift of the Church. It's always there and I bring away something new every time I pray with the universal Church. I've brought my children into my private time with the Hours more and more this season, maybe because I recognize that this practice is enduring, no matter what, no matter where. 

I love the feasting and fasting of the Domestic Church, though. I have poured heart and soul into creating and preserving traditions with my children. The struggle between the secular calendar and the liturgical one becomes more pronounced as the children get older, not because the children are becoming more "secular," but because they have obligations to outside elements. Their worlds grow wider and so, ours do, too.

Soccer tournaments. College exams. We try to create a climate of peace and holiness within our homes, but then... there is also the call to go to them. To be at the big game, and so to forego decorating the tree on the First Sunday of Advent. To hold off on St. Nicholas Day treats and to send exam week care packages instead. To let the little ones have the same hands-on liturgical experiences as the big ones did, while still considering the fact that they might not carry them into their own homes when they are grown after all. And somehow, to do it all without feeling like the purposeful intentions in the heart of the young mother are not slipping through her fingers in middle age...

::planning for the week ahead

Tomorrow, Michael and Kristin have invited me to take a glimpse at the greatest blessing imagineable. And hopefully I'll know whether to trim that tiny white cardigan in pink or blue.

Thanksgiving lunch at my sister-in-law's house. This Thanksgiving will feel odd, at best. Patrick and Zach have to stay in Charlottesville. The soccer team is not allowed home even for the day. Uncle Mac won't come from Michigan as he has every year I can remember since as far back as my husband's 21st birthday. He came for the funeral. He'll come for the burial at Arlington National Cemetary. A third trip this fall isn't really possible. And, of course, Granddad won't be there. The empty places at the table loom large.

Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's house. I'm grateful to my sister, who seems to know whenever I have dissolved into tears lately. She has a sixth sense about that, probably cultivated long ago in the dark of night when she was supposed to be asleep in her own room, but crawled into my bed instead. She's planning a lovely evening, complete with birthday cake for Mike, whose birthday falls on Thanksgiving Day this year. 

It will be different. It will be good. 

And then there will be soccer this weekend in Charlottesville...

Gathering My Thoughts

I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

I think I need another thick layer of topsoil on the front bed. When the girls planted tulips, I'm not sure they dug deep enoough and now I'm worried they'll freeze.

::listening to 

The hum of the dryer.

::clothing myself in 

Black. Again. When my aunt died in September, my sister urged me to buy a new black dress. By the fourth death this fall, I did. Funeral again today. That makes six dear souls for whom we are praying especially this November.

::talking with my children about these books

We're all listening to The Mysterious Benedict Society together. I can't recommend it enough!

::thinking and thinking

 

::pondering 

I'm pondering the Eastern tradition of St. Philip's fast and the wisdom there. Saint Francis De Sales counseled even lay people to fast beyond the minimum; "If you are able to fast, you will do well to observe some days beyond what are ordered by the Church".) Furthermore, Pope Paul VI raised the norm even higher in regions “where economic well-being is greater”, stating that in such areas, “so much more will the witness of asceticism have to be given in order that the sons of the Church may not be involved in the spirit of the world.” 

As grocery stores explodes with the abundance of Christmas, I'm doubling down on our efforts to look at the season through a different lens. The only catalog we've kept for list making purposes is the Food for the Poor gift catalog, where each of my kids is deciding what to give. They are debating the merits of soccer balls over chickens...

::carefully cultivating rhythm

I'm grateful to have thought through a November rhythm. I expected that it would be more at-home and more peaceful. But life--and death--happen. I'm still grateful to have had the plan.

::creating by hand

I have my list of gifts to make and I really thought I'd be merrily crafting them by now. Maybe I'll get to it by Friday. It's a pretty fun list and I am excited. But first, a pause to catch the last few rays of November light.

::learning lessons in

grief. We all experience it so differently. Grieving with someone and walking someone through her own grief--all very tricky. 

::encouraging learning 

Stephen is still faithfully writing for National Novel Writing Month. November seems like a great month for national initiatives. Stephen's writing a novel. Patrick's trying to grow a beard-- or something. I like Stephen's chances;-). Fortunately, Patrick is very secure in his manhood, with or without facial hair. He's looking rather like Shaggy from Scooby Doo.

::begging prayers

For my friend Megan and her family and for the repose of the soul of her beautiful mother, Cynthia McMullen.

For our dear friend Shawn Kuykendall, who is suffering terribly, and for his family and friends.

For Elizabeth DeHority, who faces a new round of very difficult chemotherapy today.

::keeping house

The basement is clean. Really clean. And the kids are so much enjoying the space downstairs that I think they'll help me keep it so. I am definitely an autumn deep cleaner. I still have a few more things I want to get to before Advent begins. My favorite Advent hymn is "People Loook East." Honestly, I love the phrase, "Make your house fair as you are able. Trim the hearth and set the table." It's been humming in my head all month. I do this when I am expecting a baby, too. The first couple weeks, after the positive test and before I start throwing up, I put meals in the freezer and try to get everything as clean and organized as possible to withstand the storm that is the first 16 weeks. Then, after the hyperemeis subsides, I seize the second trimester (what's left of it) and I clean and organize like crazy. I know that a newborn brings its own sweet chaos, so I do things that make that postpartum period easier. But I also want to have everything "just so" for the baby. The baby, of course, never notices. Still, I persist in this theory of getting my house ready for a noble guest every single time. The third trimester, I focus on baby "decorating" and readying baby clothing and supplies. I've recognized that I nest during Advent, too--and even before. November is all about that deep cleaning. I don't like to bring the trimmings out into a mess. Advent is readying for the baby.This year, as we grieve, we've thrown ourselves into the pre-Advent purging with considerable enthusiasm.

::crafting in the kitchen 

We've been making meals to take to friends. We brought dinner and basket of goodies to Megan last week. Tomorrow, we'll bring breakfast. And on Thursday, we're bringing dinner to Ginny, to celebrate new life. I figure dinner there is my ticket for unlimited baby holding. Looking very forward to inhaling that sweet boy. I'm looking for ideas. What are your favorite meals to bring or to receive? How do you make bringing meals something special?

::loving the moments

Patrick and the rest of the UVa soccer team defeated Notre Dame on Friday night to make it to the ACC finals. They lost to Maryland in a heartbreaking finish in the finals. I have lots of pictures to share, but time's really short right now, so I'll have to put them up here tomorrow. There were lots of very cool moments. The game was fairly local for us, at a park where my youth soccer players play all the time. So, it was like coming home for Paddy. My favorite moment was sweeping the stands with my camera and seeing so very many people there for him. At the first game, our friend from high school, MaryKay and her young family came to cheer. The second game we packed the stands. There were the regulars--my dad and his wife; all our kids (except the Sugar Plum Fairy); Stephen's godfather, Bill, and Beverly; Christian's godfather Jim and his daughter Rachel; and then there were old friends: families from Stephen's and Nick's former teams; the manager's family and the photographer from Paddy's youth team;  even a dad from Michael's youth team days. Several people came from Mike's office.  My friend Lisa (who started as an online friend and is now a flesh-and-blood friend) and her husband and son were there. Usually, Lisa and I live soccer games together via text. It was such a gift to have her right there! And, Mike's sister came and brought his mom. She rarely leaves the house and, though this game felt local to us, it was wandering far afield for her. It was good to gather together.

::giving thanks 

the comfort of the liturgy--from the Liturgy of the Hours, to the liturgy of the Mass, to the liturgical year--there is comfort in knowing that some things are never changing.

living the liturgy

I'm having to reconcile myself to the fact that though we say we live the liturgical year, some of the things that "we always do" because they are part of our liturgical celebration, aren't really necessary to celebrate liturgy with the Church. I've worked super hard to establish traditions around the liturgical year. In those baby years, when everyone was little and Mike was traveling all the time, it was really hard to make sure that we did certain things on certain days. But we did it. I wanted my kids to go out into the world when they were big and know wherever they were that certain days are set aside to fast or feast and always, always to pray. I wanted the liturgical year in the domestic church to be an anchoring peg. I wanted traditions to be for them what they are for me--reliable, predictable, purposeful places of the heart when the world is turned upside down. And I was kind of passionate about it.

St. Nicholas day has always been really huge. I told you about my stocking meltdown last year. You offered great ideas in the combox. I had hoped we'd  press on better than ever. The reality is that we won't do stockings on St. Nicholas day this year, for some of the reasons I outlined last year. And for resons that never occurred to me. And we have a new reason it will be different that day. For 23 years, it's been stocking day. For 13 years, it's been Nick's Name Day. But for 90 years, it's been Granddad's birthday. It still is. But this year, our real life jolly old man won't be with us to celebrate. 

Michael and Kristin are making their own traditions. Patrick and Christian will be deep into exams. St. Nicholas day is in need of something new. Something enduring?

I've often considered the habits of celebrating the liturgical year to be the tracks upon which our family prayer life are laid.

We live an advent that is intentional and filled with meangingful activity and pockets of quiet peace. And even when they're grown and gone, I'll still live those days much the same way.

 I thought my children would travel through life, navigating twists and turns and always have the signposts of the liturgical year to keep them rooted in the faith of the Univeral Church. The reality is that academic calendars and NCAA tournament schedules don't consider the liturgical year. The reality is that they are going to choose to make new traditions in their own homes. 

So, while I don't regret a single early December scramble to ready myself for St. Nicholas day and I will always sing the candle songs for each day of Advent and I'm not one bit sorry for thorns on salt dough crosses during Lent, and by golly, someone will have to read me all the books when I'm too old to see, I urge young moms not to be so wrapped up in those traditions it rocks your world when they die or are abandoned. And please, please, don't let it all be about the cupcakes; you'd be amazed how quickly they are too old for cupcakes. Think hard about investing in traditions that at least have the potential to be adopted in the new homes of grown children. And when they don't adopt them, it's probably best to just look back fondly at the memories you created and not be terribly sad they're over, but be wonderfully glad they happened.

Really and truly, the liturgical year is much more enduring than cinnamon rolls on the Feast of St. Lucy. Those things bring great joy. They have great meaning and I still believe that they make for a childhood that is rich with wonder and reverence and joy. They are not the source and summit of handing on the faith.

::planning for the week ahead

Some visiting to do. More soccer. More Nutcracker. More later;-)..

Gathering my Thoughts

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

The Bradford Pear tree in my front yard is always late to the autumn color show. I’m so glad. All the other trees are faded and nearly bare. This big beauty still has most of her leaves and they are turning from green to a glorious red. Lovely, lovely, lovely.

We planted 90 bulbs last week--one for every year that Granddad lived. In the springtime they will radiate all kinds of glorious color. At least I hope they will.

::listening to 

soccer practice. It’s the Monday routine, no? It’s quite chilly. Regular season games have ended. And still, Stephen has four practices this week and a couple weekend scrimmages in the works. There is no off-season, friends.

::clothing myself in 

Yoga pants, sweatshirt, and hand knit cashmere socks sent to me by Elizabeth DeHority. I spent the day cleaning the basement. I did shower and change but when I did, I just got dressed in another variation of the same. I’m going to sit in the car and write for an hour and a half and then go home, put small people to bed, sleep, and repeat the entire process. Mike’s out of town until Tuesday late. Not a much here that calls for earrings or proper clothing.

::talking with my children about these books

Jan Brett’s new book Cinders arrived a few days ago. Love, love, love that our fairytale explorations can take on a new volume.

::thinking and thinking

About all the things I thought I was going to do this year, mostly writing projects and speaking opportunities and all the things I did instead, mostly mothering. Thinking what a grace it is to be at peace with that equation.

::pondering prayerfully

“Our condemnation is often the veil for our own weakness: we cover up our own nakedness with the mantle of criticism; we see the mote in our brother’s eye, but never the beam in our own.” ~Venerable Fulton Sheen

::carefully cultivating rhythm

We are intentionally living each November day according to the healing plan. So far, so good.

::creating by hand

Surprises to send across the country.

::learning lessons in

Grief and gratitude. One is more bearable if every time it invades my brain space I chase it with the other.

::encouraging learning 

Had a discussion of “logistics” with one of my children today. Said child asked, “What, exactly, are the logistics that get a baby into a mom?” Um. Not the UPS man, my dear.

::begging prayers

for all the intentions of our prayer community.

::keeping house

I am on a serious deep cleaning mission. Everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. It’s purge and vacuum in every corner of my house. Amen.

And today is that glorious day every fall when all the laundry gets caught up.

::crafting in the kitchen 

I deep cleaned the pantry yesterday. I took everything out, wiped it all down, and put back only healthy things. For me, this appears to be a first step every time I successfully get back on the grain-free/dairy free wagon. I desperately need to get back on that wagon.

There are a few baking mixes on the top shelf, reserved in case we are required to bake on a moment’s notice (yes, that does happen). Other than that, there is nothing but whole food in my kitchen. By the way, somehow I have come to possess six pounds of red lentils and four pounds of green lentils. Feel free to share your favorite lentil recipes. I’d be most appreciative.

::loving the moments

when I know I just invested a whole day in the hearts of my children.

::giving thanks 

for a home my children truly love.

living the liturgy

I’ve moved my morning Liturgy of the Hours time yet again. Sarah Annie loves to cuddle first thing when she wakes up. She wants me to sit and be still and just hold her. Turns out she loves Morning Prayer, too. I’ve promised her that time every day and she holds me to it. We do Night Prayer together, too. In her bed. She’s yet to remain awake until the end. Truly beautiful way to close out the day.

Liturgy is a gift. For me, in times when I’ve doubted or struggled with the community of the Church, it is liturgy that has sustained me. Scripture and prayer and wisdom of the saints of old. A lovely, sustainable rhythm for any day in any season. And if you drift away, it will be right there, unchanged, awaiting your return.

::planning for the week ahead

*More deep cleaning.

*Hopefully, a visit to hold a newborn baby

*Hopefully, a trip to Germantown to the Soccerplex for the ACC semifinals on Friday and finals on Sunday. Hopfully.

*More Nutcracker rehearsals.

*Another soccer tournament for Nick.

Gathering My Thoughts

I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

There are two new trees on my front porch, awaiting some nice big holes. Mike’s studio sent us a crape myrtle and a dogwood to be planted. I’ve always wanted those two trees! I’m looking forward to getting them in the ground.

::listening to 

soccer sounds. I’m at the fields again while Nick plays. Familiar sounds of happy boys. Music, really.

::clothing myself in 

For the funeral, my boys all wore their wedding suits. A couple of them had to be let out several inches each. There was something incredibly powerful about looking down the pew at five boys dressed alike, five profiles so very much the same. Like arrows in a quiver…

::talking with my children about these books

The Mysterious Benedict Society! Oh my gracious, what a great book! Nick, Stephen, and I listened to it all the way to New Jersey and all the way back last week. Highly, highly recommended.

::thinking and thinking

About death and grief and legacy and blessing. I will never look at grief and mourning the same way again. I will never assume that my presence at a wake or a funeral is insignificant. I noticed every single person who came to grieve with us and I sincerely appreciated each one. This came as a surprise to me, no big lover of crowds. With each person, we were given a little piece of memory and not one was insignificant. I cannot overstate how much their presence meant to me. From a young age, Catholics are taught that burying the dead is a corporal work of mercy. Now, I fully understand why.

::pondering prayerfully

I’d love to tell you that it’s Scripture that has run through my head this week, but it’s not. At least not consistently. Instead, it’s Bette Midler.

Did you ever know that you’re my hero,

And everything I would like to be?

I can fly higher than eagle,

For you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,

But I’ve got it all here in my heart.

I want you to know the truth, of course I know it.

I would be nothing without you.

Thank you, thank you

Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

Everything I would like to be. Amen.

::carefully cultivating rhythm

We’ve certainly lost our rhythm. Even the very basic stuff of life like sleep. Until last night, every night was interrupted by a child calling out in the night. Some of them were not so very small. If we can just restore sleep, I’m hopeful that the rest of rhythm will find us, too.

::creating by hand

I had a long talk with Ginny this morning about a Honey Cowl. Yarn is ordered. I still have sleeves to knit on my baby sweater and a sleeve for Karoline’s Tiny Tea Leaves, but that cowl will happen sooner than later, mark my words. Besides, sleeves scare me.

::learning lessons in

What’s really important. Careful readers will recognize that I was struggling a bit before my father-in-law died, just trying to resolve some things that have long troubled me. The loss of someone very close, together with a studied reflection of his life—very well lived—have made some of those puzzles of last month seem easy to solve. These days have been wracked with grief, but I sense certain peace in our not-too-distant future.

::encouraging learning 

Math. In an effort to regain our routine, I have insisted on math. Today, we will pull the books for “E” Week, though I don’t think we finished D. I just can’t go back that way. Better to move forward.

::begging prayers

for the repose of the soul of Eldo Merlin Foss, beloved husband, father, and grandfather.

::keeping house

My sweet sister is sending a cleaning lady at the end of the week. Incredibly thoughtful gift.

::crafting in the kitchen 

Hilary brought us lasagna on Monday. My sister sent an abundance of Chinese food on Tuesday. Kristin brought a million bagels the morning of the funeral. My mom sent sushi the night of the funeral. That’s all we ate all week. Everyone survived.

For Monday Night Football this week, Nick made Manhattan-style clam chowder. Back in the saddle. We’re getting there.

::loving the moments

when I catch his eye and know he’s remembering the same thing I am.

::giving thanks 

for friends:

::the one who received my urgent text on Sunday and prayed me home from the tournament. Neither of us knew what I was driving into and neither of us knew what Mike was already facing, but God did and His grace was sufficient.

::the one who prayed while I wrote

::the one who is too pregnant to move, but willingly sits and listens to me ramble on and on, while I try to make sense of the jumble in my brain.

::the old friends who picked up right where we left off and came to be with my family, to remember, and to comfort us with their presence.

::far-flung friends who have prayed for us and sent words of solace.

::my sister-in-law’s friends, who provided food for strangers and loved our tribe well.

::Mary Beth’s friend Molly, who sat with me for hours and sifted through years of photo memories. Sometimes friends are more than friends and when they are, they are Molly.

::Patrick’s friend, Zach, who was there with Granddad the last time my children saw him, was there on Sunday afternoon when Mike shared the news that he was gone, drove Patrick back to school, and then came home with Patrick for the funeral. Together with my boys, Zach carried my father-in-law on Saturday. We are grateful for Zach’s strength.

::my sister, the oldest friend I have. She has an uncanny knack for knowing when I’m at my absolute lowest and calling just then. Her support this past week has meant the world to me.

::living the liturgy

There is a beauty to living liturgy, a beauty that reveals itself in moments of sorrow. Planning the funeral Mass was a source of great comfort. Celebrating that Mass in community with people dear to us is a gift that defies words. God is very good.

::planning for the week ahead

We are going to put one foot in front of the other this week, trying to restore rhythm, stopping to soothe sad hearts, tending to the business at hand.

Tomorrow is Mary Beth’s 17^th birthday.

On Saturday, Stephen will play in the State Cup Final Four in Richmond. Mary Beth will go to a homecoming dance.

Life will go on.