Gathering my Thoughts

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I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

Mike and the boys really got after it yesterday in the yard. I need to follow up all their hard work with a trip to the herb store. It's time to get some things growing.

::listening to 

birds chirping outside my front door. My friend Courtney noted yesterday that birds know no other way to greet the day except in song. We would do well to take our cues from the birds.

::clothing myself in 

Pajamas and Patrick's letterman blanket. It's itchy but I'm too cozy to move to a more allergy-friendly fleece. Besides, I miss him.

::talking with my children about these books

We are still reading Civil War books. Gripping illness and babies being born have delayed our planned field trips.

::thinking and thinking

About being alone. There are very few women who have nine kids. There are even fewer who have nine kids and the youngest is five and they are also grandmothers. 

 There is a palpable shift, even in online communities, towards encouraging women to seize all the opportunities that await them outside the confines of home and family. That's someone else's life. I'm still finding that even adequately meeting the needs of my people and their varied commitments and relationships is more than I can do well most days.That other stuff? Out there? I can't even begin to go there. At least I can't and still do this even close to well.

Way back in the beginning of this life together, my husband and I heard a calling to cultivate the lives entrusted to us and the space He so graciously granted to the glory of God. More than 25 years later, that calling remains the same--only it's way more complicated and demanding. 

Interestingly, the support for wholehearted mothering and homemaking seems to have diminished just as my family has grown and the challenges multiplied. It's curious to me that the same faith community that so vigorously promotes openness to life expresses a vague condescension towards those women who must dedicate themselves wholeheartedly to the care of those lives in order to faithfully fullfill the vocation to motherhood. Not sure what's up with that, but I am assured that God is faithful, that He called us, and that He walks with us still on this journey.

::pondering prayerfully

“During the day we practice what we have resolved to do in the morning. We also have to bestir ourselves to expressions of love, gratitude and humility toward God, ask Him for as many graces as (we) may need. Let us always remember that God is our Father, and we are His children.” ~St. John Bosco

 

::carefully cultivating rhythm

As we head into soccer tournament and dance competition season, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep the extra-curriculars from overtaking the academic necessities. We lost so many days (and our spring break) to illness. It is imperative to stay disciplined in these final spring days.

::creating by hand

I have been up to my eyeballs in all sorts of dance costume alterations. I love to create in a dressing room with a grateful girl. I really do enjoy getting to know these girls (and a handful of boys) and being a part of the hard work that goes into this art. These are the people who fill my daughters' days; I am privileged to know them well.

I'm eager to make a quilt soon, though.

 ::learning lessons in

What matters most. I loved the Restore workshop. It was by far my favorite thing to have ever done online. Someone recently noted the quiet here on my blog and asked if Restore had burned me out. (Ultimate irony, right? Being burned out by the burnout workshop?) The reality is that Restore was written in February. I wrote 90% of it before opening registration and I blogged here and actually was brimming over with creative ideas. So, no, the workshop didn't burn me out, nor did it take me away from here.

What took me away was living the spirit of this blog. We faced some sad burials. My kids were sick. Even my kids who are bigger than me needed me. I traveled back and forth to Charlottesville. I came home to the same serious infection here. What came with it was mountains of laundry every day for weeks on end (every fiber they touched had to be washed every single time), children who needed continuous care, a total disruption of the regular rhythms of our home.

And then I also got to spend sweet, thoughtful, irreplaceable hours walking and talking with Kristin in the weeks before Lucy arrived.

I wondered often how other people manage such things--people who have many commitments  outside their homes. I wondered often, but I didn't often wonder long; I was too focused on doing the work of being mom and making home to have much time to ponder the philosophy of it or to write about it.

I write in the margins. It's what I do. And some seasons there are no margins at all.

::encouraging learning 

We haven't finished our math for the year. Why is it always math that's the issue? We will do math all summer long...

Yay.

::clicking around

Hah! Not much of that happening. 

::begging prayers

For people who are lonely and feel forgotten.

For people anxious over health tests.

For Elizabeth DeHority and Lisa Tobin.

For new mamas and the babies they love--and for mamas who will meet their babies any moment.

::keeping house

I'm going to be doing some furniture rearranging this week. My sister is sending some treasures my way. My big boys have some apartments to furnish. It could look like a warehouse around here for a few weeks as we sort things out. In the end, I like what's going to happen.

::crafting in the kitchen 

We had strawberries and asparagus yesterday. I dearly love spring. And summer? I'm so ready to cook from the Farmer's Market. Bring it.

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::loving the moments

Karoline and Nicholas had to wait a week after Lucy Shawn was born before they could finally hold her. For both of them, the wait was by far the worst part of being sick. They are both being aggressively treated by an eye specialist and we hope to minimize the longterm damage, but the active infection is finally gone from my house. (Nine, ten weeks later? I've lost count)

They were overcome with sheer joy when the moment finally came for them to hold the sweetest baby on the planet. I'm not entirely sure that Nick has actually seen her still. But the blurry baby sure felt good in his arms. There really are no words and even the pictures can't quite capture the elation.

::giving thanks 

for mostly healthy kids.

living the liturgy

It's still Easter! Every evening, during Night Prayer, Sarah marvels that it's still Easter. This is seriously the longest day ever, Mommy.

::planning for the week ahead

Trips to visit the opthamologist.

Some loving on Lucy.

Nick has a State Cup game midweek deep into the next county. We will sit in traffic for a couple hours before arriving at the game site. Those kinds of games don't usually end well. The home team has a ginormous advantage and this home team is formidable anyway. Your prayers for an exception to the rule would be awesome. This kid has had a ridiculously hard year and I'd dearly love for the tide to turn. He's healthy enough to play and he's eager. I'm kind of holding my breath.

Christian's birthday is Tuesday. He'll take an exam to celebrate.

Christian returns home Wednesday. Patrick will spend the summer in Charlottesville, regaining strength and endurace and, no doubt, preparing to come back to the pitch better than ever!

The weekend holds lots of soccer and dance. Karoline has missed three weeks of dance. When you're seven and not a little ADHD, three weeks is an eternity. She got back in the studio last night and did some good work. She's going to have to be very focused in order to remember all she's forgotten before she dances this weekend. And it would be really great if her peripheral vision were just a wee bit better. 

The week holds lots of organizing and orchestrating in order to arrive at the weekend both efficiently and peacefully. 

My mother is arriving towards the end of the week. She has a new great-grandchild to get to know.

I'm more than a little overwhelmed as I grid in everyone's everything. There will be lots of prayer. And maybe some coffee.

Bluebells and Baby Talk

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I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

Yesterday was perfectly beautiful! Sunshine and a breeze, bluebells and fairy spuds, and a body of water begging our uninhibited play. We took about 300 pictures. I asked Mary Beth to upload a few. What you see above is what she chose. And you can't even tell it's bluebell season. We began the day with a long walk around the Bluebell Trail. There were plenty of flowers there, though it's not yet peak bloom. Then, we went and plopped down at our favorite creekside spot--the one that is  fairly short walk from the parking lot so we didn't have to haul all the food and water and photo equipment down the longer trail. And we discovered that a very large swathe of bluebells and trees had been obliterated. Not sure what "progress" is planned there, but it certainly doesn't look as glorious as the tableau God created. Makes me sad. And also determined to add some flower pictures to the end of this post.

::listening to 

rain and birds outdoors and utter silence inside. Yesterday ended in sleepovers--lots of children with "fresh air poisoning" are still sleeping hard this morning.

::clothing myself in 

Capris and a T-shirt  of Mike's. The temperature is due to drop 40 degrees over the course of this day. I'm sure my summer sleepwear will gvie way to jeans and a sweatshirt before the day is finished. 

::talking with my children about these books

Bull Run Regional Park (our bluebells playground) is right next to the Bull Run Battlefield. We've punged into a Civil War reading binge for the next few weeks. In addition to Ken Burns' series and this fun book to get us going, we're reading these great books, from a previous year's Civil War study. I started to cut and paste them here, but this post already has the potential to be ridiculously long.

 

::thinking and thinking

about babies. Kristin is due any day. I love babies. I love pregnancy and childbirth and, with one exception, I really love postpartum, too. I have a million things I want to share with her. Things that beg to bubble up and over in a rush of enthusiasm. I'm sure she feels like I've shared a million things. But I haven't. Probably I've shared about a hundred. The rest I ponder in my heart. (Or mention to Mary Beth;-). 

::pondering prayerfully

"We need saints without cassocks, without veils - we need saints with jeans and
tennis shoes. We need saints that go to the movies that listen to music, that hang
out with their friends (...) We need saints that drink Coca-Cola, that eat hot dogs,
that surf the internet and that listen to their iPods. We need saints that love the
Eucharist, that are not afraid or embarrassed to eat a pizza or drink a beer with
their friends. We need saints who love the movies, dance, sports, theatre. We
need saints that are open, sociable, normal, happy companions. We need saints
who are in this world and who know how to enjoy the best in this world without
being callous or mundane. We need saints”."
– Quoted by Pope Francis at World Youth Day 2013 Or maybe not...

::carefully cultivating rhythm

These are our blubebell days. This is Holy Week. We are going to have a new baby in this family within a week. Still, there is rhythm. The days begin with deep draughts of Jesus. You should see the view from my "Bible chair." Oh, wait, I'll show you:

So, it's a little difficult to get up and get going. I'd like to just sit here all day and look at that tree and journey with Jesus to the tomb and on to Glory. But the bluebells are blooming and the greatest feast of the Christian year approaches and, well, sitting isn't really for moms. So, the rhythm of the ordinary--laundry, groceries, even some lessons--is woven into the extraordinary: bluebells, babies, and resurrection. 

This is a pretty amazing time of life.

::creating by hand

over the winter, I created a workshop. I poured heart and soul into it and I felt God's hand guiding mine as I typed. It was a pretty wonderful creative experience. The workshop is nearly over and I can honestly say I've never spent a lovelier, more Spirit-filled time online. 

And now that those words are all said, I'm turning my attention to baby sewing and baby knitting that didn't happen. Maybe, just maybe I'll get some of it finished before our granddaughter appears.

 ::learning lessons in

community

::encouraging learning 

in time management.  Mary Beth is taking classes at our local college for dual enrollment credit. I consider these classes to be such a great gem in our high school homeschool experience. I am able to guide them very practically through the acquisition of skills necessary to succeed in college. She's been a joy to work with and her classes this semester have been thoughtfully presented. Still, learning to balance un moveable deadlines is a skill that homeschoolers don't have have. Until they do;-).

::clicking around

So, I've had very little online time at all this year. I spent January and February really focused on writing the workshop. I spent March on the workshop and some very intense weeks traveling back and forth to Charlottesville. And April? April is whipping by in a blur of bluebells and (hopefully soon) baby. The full step back from the online world has yielded some unexpected perspective. 

About 4 years ago, the internet didn't seem like a very friendly place to me. I had grown wary of nearly every click. Comboxes were especially terrifying. I tried to navigate around those uneasy feelings and I kind of limped along on old paths. With this break, I've had a chance to reframe from focus, to come back and explore and discover the online world of motherhood anew. I've also broken in a new computer and it doesn't know any of the old, haunting places. I'm visiting a few, friendly, familiar places and I'm finding some new-to-me ones. I'm even venturing into comboxes and enjoying conversation in mine. Mostly though, I'm limiting myself to just a few minutes a day and I'm very intentional about spending those moments only in places that encourage me and challenge me to better live my vocation. What are some of your favorite places to visit online?

::begging prayers

for Michael and Kristin and Baby Girl.

for cancer patients and for all the people who love them. Cancer is a hideous, horrible disease and watching it devour someone you love is incredibly painful.

for all the intentions of our prayer community. (I promise to be more faithful to our weekly posts, starting this week!)

For college students, especially the ones who are lonely and feel forgotten.

::keeping house

We managed to pull off some of my lofty Lenten cleaning plans. The garage is in great shape, comparatively speaking. We've deep cleaned some cabinets and closets and Ithought I had the laundry monster under control. Last night, though, I noticed that it has reared its ugle head  yet again in the little girls' room. I think they just have way too many clothes. Or something. I'm not sure what.

::crafting in the kitchen 

I think it's a good day to come up with an Easter menu. Got any great ideas?

::loving the moments

When I can sit in the sun with a friend and watch my kids romp in the water. Love those moments so very much!

::giving thanks 

for Joy Messimer, who took my Restore Workshop ideas and made something tangible and beautiful of the words. She's such a blessing.

living the liturgy

These are very liturgically dense days. The altar serving schedule, the youth group schedule, the straddling still between two parishes and the wanting to be at the basilica downtown, but not wanting to be too far should Baby Girl decide that Easter is a great birthday--it doesn't get much richer than this, if only I see the richness and not mistake it for complicated tangles.

::planning for the week ahead

The bluebells.

Easter.

Kristin is due April 17th and they won't let her go more than a week, so... we're going to get to hold a newborn this week!

Before the Big Snow

I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

Oh, my goodness! There is the scent of snow in the air. Bring it! 

::listening to 

girls play. Boys build with Legos. This dishwasher swishing. The dryer turning. Life.

::clothing myself in 

Boyfriend jeans, a turtleneck, heavy cardigan. Changing things up, friends--turtleneck instead of a long sleeved T-shirt. 

::talking with my children about these books

Those lovely snow books. And a favorite for this week, too 

::thinking and thinking

About burn out and recovery. Still. I'm writing and writing and writing, in the wee hours of the day, early before the children awaken. There will be enough for a book by the time I am finished--four weeks of "Quiet Time" prompts, four tutorials to keep creative hands busy, twelve {long} essays with lots of thoughts and practical ways to move along to the path of restoration and refreshment. And Joy is making all of it utterly beautiful. We are making great progress!

::pondering prayerfully

“There are three things you can do when life sends a wave at you. You can run from it, but then it's going to catch up and knock you down. You can also fall back on your ego and try to stand your ground, but then it's still going to clobber you. Or you can use it as an oppotunity to go deep, and transform yourself to match the circumstances. And that's how you get through the wave." -from the Instagram feed of Humans of New York 

Amazing book!

::carefully cultivating rhythm

Snow days have a rhythm all their own. Our winter appears to have taken on the rhythm of a snow day. Fancy that.

Hah! I wrote that two weeks ago. Or was it three? We are due for a doozy. Big, big snow coming soon!

::creating by hand

Lots of baby things to make today. Lots and lots and lots.

Yesterday, I played with a little hand-lettering. I kind of like it.

 ::learning lessons in

Baby things. Not much has changed in five years. There are no old-fashioned rockers in Babies R Us anymore. And absolutely no wooden high chairs. Ergos are available right there in the store. I remember having to order mine online. But not much else has changed. There's a new crop of little ones to click the scanner for the registry, though. Way too much fun!

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::encouraging learning 

My little Sarah is nearly reading on her own. And there, my friends, ends an era of reading to children who can't read and snuggling with them while they learn to love all the treasure held between the covers of a book. And, along the way, they learned to read, too. Loved. Every. Minute. Of. It. 

Loved it so, so much. 

::clicking around

Nothing to share here. I haven't been clicking. Five minutes of Facebook a day, Monday-Friday, if I get to it. Up to ten minutes of Instagram. A quick scan of mail to see if I need to answer something. And nothing else. Nothing.

That means I have this little inbox problem:

Those are unread messages. Need to work on that problem.

::begging prayers

for Shawn and for Elizabeth DeHority and for all the people who love them. Cancer is a hideous, horrible disease and watching it devour someone you love is incredibly painful.

for all the intentions of our prayer community.

For college students, especially the ones who are lonely and feel forgotten.

::keeping house

It's supposed to snow tonight and all day tomorrow. That means I'm going to clean like a crazy person today. I love to be snowed in. I hate to be snowed in a mess. A clean, snug house that smells of eucalyptus and wild orange--that's the way to begin a snowed in adventure.

::crafting in the kitchen 

Snow food: roasted chicken, chicken and vegetable soup, homemade granola, hot chocolate, and some Valentine cupcakes.

::loving the moments

Talking to Mary Beth about Powersheets.

::giving thanks 

For the boy I fell head-over-heels in love with on Valentine's Eve, 1982.

Now, he makes clover bouquets for our ninth baby on the sidelines of soccer fields.

He's a keeper.

living the liturgy

Last Sunday, four children came to visit us. They hung out here at our house while their little brother made his entry to the world. We played. And played. And played. And we made some birthday cupcakes, too. And at 10:00 Sunday morning we all went off to Mass. We sat in the front row. We prayed for Mommy and Daddy and Baby J. 

And then, when we got home, we heard some glorious news. Baby J was born while we were so earnestly praying. Isn't that so fun?

::planning for the week ahead

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

And then let it stop. My sweet husband is in Miami. Doubtless, he won't get in Thursday night as planned. As it happens, he's made reservations for Saturday night, anyway. So, as long as he gets in Saturday morning, works for me;-)!

Midwinter Musings

I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

The temperatures rose to freezing two days ago. Tonight, we are back under an official Wind Chill Warning. I like the change of seasons and I do love snow. The biting cold is something for which we aren’t really prepared, though. I’d love to get out and walk in it, but it seems ridiculous to invest in extreme cold weather gear when one lives in Virginia. I can bundle adequately for my daily round, but true expeditions in zero-degree weather, not so much. I am so grateful I bought those boots.

Stephen, on the other hand, continues to play outdoor soccer as if there’s nothing unusual about scheduling matches on days when the wind chill is 7* at game time

::listening to 

soccer practice. But of course. They were supposed to train tomorrow night. It’s going to be “too cold.” The current temperature here at the field where snow is pushed into huge piles all around? Twenty degrees, with a wind chill of 13. Warm enough, apparently.

::clothing myself in 

Coat, hat, gloves—sitting in the car, trying to type. This is rather ridiculous and I’m calculating how many actual work minutes I lose driving to Starbucks, versus how many I gain because I can take off my gloves...

::talking with my children about these books

Well, there are the snow books;-). Stephen and I are immersed in Huckleberry Finn . Nicholas is reading through the Chronicles of Narnia . Katie is reading The Long Winter  and Karoline is really enjoying The Doll Shop Downstairs. Sarah has challenged me to read every picture book on her shelf to her before summer. Game on!

::thinking and thinking

About burn out and recovery. About running oneself ragged and about self-care. About renewal and surrender. I have enough thoughts and ideas and lessons learned here to roll them all into a very practical and hopefully healing workshop. And it’s happening! I’m praying for time in the margins to write. I’m also eliminating all computer time that isn’t devoted to writing. I’ll have this workshop ready for you during Lent this year. Your prayers for wide margins in the next month are very much appreciated. 

::pondering prayerfully

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
~CS Lewis The Four Loves

 

::carefully cultivating rhythm

Snow days have a rhythm all their own. Our winter appears to have taken on the rhythm of a snow day. Fancy that.

::creating by hand

As I work to create the worskshop, I’ve definitely lost some creating-with-my-hands time. I know, however, that time with needles is critical to my own burnout prevention. It’s Super Bowl week. That means I’m missing Mike. It also means the girls can hunker down at night and watch Lark Rise to Candleford with me and Mama can knit just a little.

 ::learning lessons in

Time management. Cutting my ties to Facebook was an excellent, beautiful thing. Facebook came up recently on Jennifer Fulwiler’s Instagram feed. I chimed in (something I rarely do) and I also read there about Jen’s Facebook-free philosophy.  Yeah, what she said. I’m still posting blog links to Facebook and I’m still checking for dance and soccer updates there, but this season in my life makes any more than that just plain impossible. I only wish it hadn’t taken me so long to recognize that.

::encouraging learning 

Mary Beth is fully immersed in her first college writing course. I’m enjoying it;-). It always interesting to me to see how different teachers approach the teaching of writing. This is my fourth child to take at least two college-level composition courses. I’m getting quite an education.

::clicking around

For some reason, I haven't been able to get my Delicious sidebar feed to update since before Christmas. Here are few links worth clicking:

Five Questions Every Husband Should Ask His Wife (could probably work the other way, too)

The Questions that Will Save Your Relationships

Marriage Matters and Redefining it has Social Costs

Teaching From a State of Rest After what feels like a barrage of blogs trumpeting the "Do More! Be More! Go More!" message, Sarah is encouraging mothers to rest in Him. Good plan. Very good.

The Creative Adult is the Child Who Has Survived

::begging prayers

for Shawn and for Elizabeth DeHority and for all the people who love them. Cancer is a hideous, horrible disease and watching it devour someone you love is incredibly painful.

for all the intentions of our prayer community.

For college students, especially the ones who are lonely and feel forgotten.

::keeping house

No time on the computer, more time for laundry. And, also, I need another bookshelf. Really need it.

::crafting in the kitchen 

Thinking about Super Bowl food. What’s on your menu? I’d like to make it healthy. I’d also really, really like to avoid my family’s snide kale jokes. So, healthy but not obviously healthy? Who has a suggestion?

::loving the moments

of quiet in the morning. Yes, ma’am I am getting up at 5:30 in order to have more of those moments. And yes, ma’am, I’m spending them all with tea, a candle, and a Bible. And I am seriously loving it. Hasn’t quite cured the Cranky Mommy Syndrome, but we’re much improved.

::giving thanks 

for wise women who create very useful tools. Lara Casey Powersheets. I highly recommend them.

living the liturgy

Time to think about Candlemas.

::planning for the week ahead

Stephen turns 15 on Saturday. He’s my fourth boy. I love fifteen. Love it. It means thirteen and fourteen are over. Thirteen and fourteen are torture for my boys. Four down, one to go. Praise the Good Lord!

Gathering my Thoughts

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I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

These have been some very cold days. That’s really okay with me. I like an excuse to stay inside and make soup. Today (Sunday as I write), though, is much, much warmer and the sun is shining after a very dark and rainy Saturday. The world does seem a little happier all the way ‘round.

::listening to 

the comings and goings of cars and boys in the parking lot at soccer. Again.

::clothing myself in 

Yoga pants, a long sleeved T-shirt and warm boots. I really do hope to actually get to the gym today.

::talking with my children about these books

Whatever Stephen is reading. Stephen loves to have conversations about books. I kind of love it, too.

::thinking and thinking

About burnout and recovery. About running oneself ragged and about self-care. About renewal and surrender. I have enough thoughts and ideas and lessons learned here to roll them all into a very practical and hopefully healing workshop. And your notes and emails tell me that might be something you’d be interested in pursuing with me in the late winter and early spring. So, I’d like to work on that. As always, “spare” time is not abundant. It’s going to take God’s provision to carve the time and space for such a project. I’d be so grateful if you’d pray for that provision.

::pondering prayerfully

“Our culture has filled our heads but emptied our hearts, stuffed our wallets but starved our wonder. It has fed our thirst for facts but not for meaning or mystery. It produces “nice” people, not heroes.” ~Peter Kreeft

::carefully cultivating rhythm

The rhythm of the last few weeks has stretched me to my limits. My house has been full to bursting. Temperaments and personalities have been colliding all over the place. There have been mountains of laundry and mountains of groceries and mountains of dishes. And all that sounds rather like complaining.

I don’t “do” complaining, so let’s just leave it there.

Monday morning will bring with it fresh lesson plans, fresh chore charts, a menu plan, and emphasis on restoring order and cleanliness with certain vigor and alacrity. I’m looking forward to relative quiet.

::creating by hand

I have some flannel pjs to finish this week. After three Boyfriend Scarves, it’s time to get back my Honey Cowl. The scarves were knit in bulky yarn and they were a quick knit, to be sure. After that, I have serious doubts this Honey Cowl will be finished while it’s still cold enough to wear it.

I did sew a very quick scarf last week. Mike and I had a date night for my birthday and managed to whip up another of Anna Maria Horner’s airy layers scarves on impulse in under an hour. It might be my favorite one yet. So perfect with jeans...

::learning lessons in

Photography! Well, not yet. But my dad and Barbara gave me Ashley Ann’s SnapShop workshop as a birthday gift. I’m so excited about this opportunity. This WILL be the year I shoot in manual mode. Promise.

::encouraging learning 

It's  up and at 'em bright and early Monday morning. No more distractions.

::begging prayers

for Shawn and for Elizabeth DeHority and for all the people who love them. Cancer is a hideous, horrible disease and watching it devour someone you love is incredibly painful.

for all the intentions of our prayer community.

For college students, beginning a new semester today.

::keeping house

Christmas is all tucked into boxes, save for the nativity set on the piano. We'll leave that until Candlemas. At least.

There are fresh flowers in my house. Birthday flowers came along just in time to take the place of Princess Tea flowers. I really do like flowers scattered here and there. (I never shared Princess Tea photos, did I? This week...)

::crafting in the kitchen 

So, I set about to do a Vegan Whole30. I’ve done this before, actually for way more than 30 days. When I faltered recently, I reset at Whole9life, to begin again. I noticed when I did so that the word “failure” was in the URL for the reset. That irritated me. Somebody coded that; did they have to use the  word “failure.?” Actually, in terms of Whole30, those times when you diverge from the prescribed plan are usually good lessons, not failures.

I Instagrammed the screenshot and the Whole30 folks chimed in and told me (very politely) that a Vegan Whole30 was an impossibility. Since I did it for probably closer to 120 days last spring and summer, I know they’re wrong, but the conversation gave me reason to rethink the nomenclature of it all.

It’s nice to call it “Whole30” because then you get instant support. It seems the whole world is doing Whole30 lately (very much unlike when I first did it in spring of 2012). What is healthiest for me, though, really isn’t Whole30. It’s kinder and gentler in its philosophy. I’m just not the Type A nutrition/exercise type, even though I definitely lean Type A in other places. Upon further consideration, the older I get, the more my children grow, the more I consciously try to let go of Type A…I'm not all that Type A anymore...

So, I decided to come up with my own hashtag--#eattonurture2014 and to invite community. The whole idea is to create an encouraging climate of self-care without divisive nutrition dichotomies. Are you eating in a way that nourishes and nurtures your body? What works for you? Tag a picture on Instagram and tell me about it. I’m interested. I really am. Later this week, I’ll share some pictures here and tell you about all the lessons “failure” taught me and how I’ve fine-tuned accordingly. I’ll also share how nice it is to have even one good friend who will puzzle out all the nutrition questions with you and support you in a journey.

::loving the moments

about 14 years ago, Major League Soccer signed a sixteen-year-old to play for DC United. Such a move was unprecedented at the time. We just didn’t do things like that in America. But they did. And this boy needed a place to finish high school. He was on his own, didn’t even have a driver’s license yet when we met him. He came to us, to learn with us. Michael was eleven at the time.

I had no experience mothering teenaged boys. We taught each other quite a bit. Eventually, he left here for the English Premier League. He traveled far and wide, fell in love, took a wife.

She’s darling and we love her.

Around Halloween, he sent me a video clip of a sonogram. And he called me “Grandma.” That baby is due just a few weeks after Michael and Kristin expect to welcome their baby. One little girl. One little boy. The plan right now is for me to be with Bobby and Sloane when she delivers. Logistics could be tricky but we’re surrendering that…

So, I’m loving these moments while Bobby and Sloane are here. They’ve left Toronto and not yet reported in New Jersey. They arrived here the day after Christmas and I’m grateful to have Sloane perched on a stool at my kitchen counter chatting all sorts of things while Bobby riles up the boys and whips the atmosphere into a frenzy, while they play endless games of FIFA on the Xbox and some of them remind others that they actually did play in the real live World Cup, and while they eat pizza and mozarella sticks at whatever time of day while watching video clips of "the greatest match ever" (noting they were in that match), while they hang little girls (Bobby's three nieces have come to play, too) upside down by their ankles and swing them until they squeal, while they make a contest out of everything imagineable and truly get their feelings hurt when they're not the winner. They are loud and rowdy and they bump up against each other. Sometimes it makes the hair rise on the back of my neck and it grates on my nerves like fingernails on chalkboard. My husband keeps reminding me that boys will be boys. These are some very big boys! Admittedly, the noise and frenzy has been bigger than I am, but it is nice to see them all together again and to see how they are a band of brothers.

(And did I mention how much I love visiting with Sloane, talking babies and mamas and all the things that go with them? I do so love that...)

.

I can’t help but remember how sad I was when he left for Reading and how worried I was that he’d walk out of our lives forever. They come back. I need to remind myself of that now and then.

::giving thanks 

for the opportunity to make a fresh start. At shereadstruth.com there was this proposition for the year’s beginning:

This year, instead of resolving to finally get it right,

let’s resolve to walk with Him as He makes it right.

Instead of determining to get better,

Let’s determine to get close to Him through His word.

Instead of making a list of all that we will do on our own,

Let’s notice all that He is doing and let’s join him in it.

Yes. Let’s. And let’s be grateful that He makes all things new.

Let’s surrender.

living the liturgy

Time to order beeswax, to think about Candlemas. I going to keep it simple this year and to pour jar candles. And I think I’ll republish my thoughts on candlelight…

::planning for the week ahead

I’m just going to focus on peacefully settling us all into the new schedule.

 On this day last year: Cravings: a Catholic Wrestles with Food, Self-Image, and God