Kindness

Devout people are, as a class,the least kind of all classes. This is a scandalous thing to say; but the scandal of the fact is so much greater than the scandal of acknowledging it, that I will brave this last, for the sake of a greater good. Religious people are an unkindly lot. Poor human nature cannot do everything; and kindness is too often left uncultivated, because men do not sufficiently understand its value. Men may be charitable, yet not kind; merciful, yet not kind; self-denying, yet not kind. If they would add a little common kindness to their uncommon graces, they would convert ten where they now only abate the prejudices of one. There is a sort of spiritual selfishness in devotion, which is rather to be regretted than condemned. I should not like to think it is unavoidable. Certainly its interfering with kindness is not unavoidable. It is only a little difficult, and calls for watchfulness. Kindness, as a grace, is certainly not sufficiently cultivated, while the self-gravitating, self-contemplating, self- inspecting parts of the spiritual life are cultivated too exclusively. Rightly considered, kindness is the grand cause of God in the world. Where it is natural, it must forthwith be supernaturalized. Where it is not natural, it must be supernaturally planted. What is our life? It is a mission to go into every corner it can reach, and reconquer for God's beatitude His unhappy world back to Him. It is a devotion of ourselves to the bliss of the Divine Life by the beautiful apostolate of kindness.

~Fr. Faber Spiritual Conferences.

Un-Friending

I admit I'm not a good Facebooker. I know the format is supposed to be intuitive and my kids certainly seem to have the hang of it, but I just don't like it much. I'm never absolutely certain who is reading which conversations. And the visual clutter drives me nuts. I much prefer blogs.

That said, after I finished checking up on my children at Facebook the other day, I clicked around to see what some old friends have been up to lately. When I went to one place, I discovered I had been "un-friended." It took me awhile to figure that out (as I said, I don't totally have the hang of it) but once I did figure it out, I felt fourteen again.

For about 3 minutes.

Did I do something wrong? Write something somewhere? Offend her somehow? Was she just scaling back and making her circle smaller? Was it personal?

After my 3 minutes of high school flashback, I called to mind a recent conversation with a friend (a friend-friend, the kind with whom you have philosophical conversations about friendship). She told me how some people have no problem moving on from friendships. They don't necessarily make friends for life. Friendship, she explained, isn't like marriage. It's OK to move on, sometimes. This came as a surprise to me. I just assumed that everyone approaches friendship like I do. When I'm your friend, I'm your friend forever. And if you move on, I spend years wondering why--mostly wondering what it was I did wrong. If you move on and come back, I'm readily happy and willing and eagerto make things good again (though I'm increasingly cautious about giving away my heart quite the way I used to). That's just the way I'm wired. Come to think of it, my high school geometry teacher sat me down one day after school to warn me that this was a very good way to get hurt again and again. I pretty much ignored her.

My friendship paradigm has changed since my recent friend-friend conversation.(I'm a slow learner, no? In geometry and friendship.) Now, I understand better that some people (most people?) have different friends in different seasons in their lives in addition to some friends that are lifetime friends. People who approach friendship that way don't agonize about friendships that have faded. They move on. They are fine. And they pretty much assume their former friend is, too. Can you be a "former friend"--really? I can't say the revelation cured me. I still miss every faded friendship. Every. Single. One. But I have a slightly different perspective, and maybe a little more peace.And hopefully, I am better able to help my children navigate the world of friendships, because goodness knows this new internet dimension just makes it more complicated. Or does it?

Now people can just "un-friend" with a click.

Easy.

Laugh about it: Unfriended by Garrison Keillor (HT: Ann)

Daybook: Autumn Begins

Outside My Window ...

are birds in a bird bath and a little grove of trees. Beyond that, is my favorite place to welcome the autumn in all the world. I'm spending a few quick days with my father and stepmother in Charlottesville, Virginia. 

 I am listening to...

Mary Beth, Katie, Sarah, and Karoline making dinner with "Baba."

To Live the Liturgy...

Wednesday, we'll celebrate the feast of Saint Padre Pio with maple cookies and cappucino. We will also begin the rose novena to St. Therese in anticipation of her feast on October first.

To be Fit and Happy...

We went apple picking this morning, followed by an afternoon of shopping. The baby in the Ergo provided plenty of exercise. 

I am thankful for...

 a beautiful place to escape. My children love to come here. "Baba" is lots of fun and always manages to fix the right things to eat and to plan the right things to do. The boys are glad to play golf by day and watch football in the evenings with my dad. The house is so pretty and I'm not distracted by a a million things yet undone the way I am at home. I just love this town. Love it.

 

I am pondering ...

whether or not I want an iPhone. being able to carry my iCal with me is soooo tempting.  

From the kitchen ...
We picked 90 pounds of apples! It's going to be all apples, all the time, as soon as I get home. But tonight, "Baba" is cooking, so we're going to have steak and mashed potatoes, green beans with mushrooms, cucumber and tomato salad and an ice cream cake for dessert. (Shhh...it's a sneak preview of birthday week, whereupon four children celebrate their birthdays in the same week.)

 

I am wearing ...

A green short-sleeved blouse, jeans and tennis shoes. And I have new necklace sent to me by a cherished friend. It's utterly beautiful in its simplicity.

I am creating ...

memories with my children; memories that include three generations.

On my iPod...

Praying the Rosary with St. Faustina.

Towards a real eduction ...

Lots of Apple Books this week:

How Do Apples Grow?

Apple Picking Time

Life and Times of the Apple

How to Make an Apple Pie and See the World

Rain Makes Applesauce

Applesauce

Apple Cake

Alyosha's Apple

Brother Bartholomew and The Apple Grove

I am thinking... 

That it's nice to get away but I really miss my husband. And how weird it must be for him to be all alone in that big house.

In the Garden...

There is a mess of weeding to do. And I think it's nearly time to plant bulbs. We're planting hope this year.

Around the House

When I get home, I'm not going to be discouraged by the busy bustle and the inevitable messes. My life is a life in motion. There is poetry there and it is beautiful poetry.

.

Sarah Anne this week...

Sarah Annie  loves her mama. She won't much let me out of her sight and she doesn't want to be out of my arms. She will go to Mary Beth on occasion, especially if it means going out of doors.

I am hoping and praying ...

for the Snow family, the Barrett family, and the Cushman family. May they be consoled by family and friends, saints and angels, and the good Lord himself.

Christa Bartlett and her family

and now,

For the Mitchell family, too.

On Keeping Home ...

When I am stressed, I want nothing more than to be at home. But I recognize that home is where ten other people live as well and so, it isn't always such a peaceful place of respite for me.

I set the tone and I "keep home." If it is to be a place of respite for my family--and for me--I must endeavor to make it so. And if it is very important that it be that way, then keeping home must truly take its place near the top of the priority list.

I really pushed myself this week to tidy after the children were in bed, pulling a couple of nights much later than usual. I like the effect it has on my mornings.

One of my favorite things ...

Autumn on the Lawn at the University of Virginia.

The view from Carter Mountain Orchard.

Appreciating that view with someone else who loves it, a blog friend who became an in -real- life friend, much to my delight.

How's the burnout recovery going?

Very well. Some long conversations with understanding spirits, some time away, a date with Mike--all good things this week, thank you.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:

We'll return home tomorrow and fall back into a school day routine. The parish fall festival is this weekend. I'm hoping to visit with my friend Jan this week, too. Lots of good visiting!

A Room Where Best Friends Begin Their Forever

As it began to dawn on us that both Katie and Karoline would lose their "best friends" (only friends?) to moves in the same week, Mike grew very protective. He wanted to do something for them. We both really just wanted to protect them from the hurt. Truth be told, the hurt wasn't limited to the little girls. For the last five years, Gracie has been in the space between Katie and Karoline. They don't have any memories of life in this house without her in it.And it's difficult for all of us to remember a time when she wasn't part of the family.

It is no secret to anyone who knows me that I deal with stress by cleaning and organizing my house. My friends remember how immaculate the house was the day the cancer diagnosis came. Mike, however, does not clean when he is stressed;-). His role was different. He instructed me to do whatever it took to create a new place for three little girls to grow up as best friends. He actually said, "I want them to have the perfect little girls' room and I want the room to make them happy." He's a very sweet guy and nothing brings out the sweet in him like his little girls. So, I abandoned my plan not to spend any money. He wanted to make a gift of this room and I was the instrument.

 

The bed was given to us by my mother when we got married. It's queen-sized. Katie and Karoline can both sleep there.TheGood Shepherd picture above the headboard was a gift to me from Patrick's godmother. I love the idea of the Good shepherd watching my sleeping babies.

This dresser came from my father's attic.

This one came from my mother's house. We need one for Sarah, but I'm going to scour Craigslist for awhile and see what pops up.

The bookcase came from Costco a couple of years ago.

My stepfather made the stuffed animal shelf for Michael's nursery 21 years ago. It has moved with us three times. And this bookcase was an old white pantry shelf in my in-law's basement before they moved. I painted it in a Home Depot Disney shade called "Invitation to a Princess." Appropriate, no?

The room didn't really need painting but it did sort of look worn. We found stickers at Target and covered all the dings with flowers and butterflies. Tah-dah! Much quicker than a coat of paint.

These curtains were too cute for words, so we picked them up when we picked up the stickers.

 

And then, I saw this rug. Hopscotch? Worth every penny just to watch Karoline try to do it. Worth even more to watch Daddy show Karoline how it's done.

Around this time, I learned that Jessica and I were doing the same thing three thousand miles from one another. That made Mary Beth and I giggle as we continued to decorate.

Above the bed are pictures of the girls in the bluebells. They are just gorgeous in these frames. We're doing one above the chest for Karoline, so there will be three in all, but Target needs a little time to replenish the stock. Costco did a fabulous job with the enlargements, just like Lori said they would.

The little girls helped with all the moving out and they were there as we moved furniture in, but we banished them to the basement while we stuck flowers on the walls and hung curtains at the window. When we invited them back to their new room, they reacted exactly as their Daddy had hoped.

 

The quilt on the bed was actually Mary Beth's. I pulled it off her bed and was delighted by the way it looked in the room.

That left Mary Beth without a quilt and so begins the story for tomorrow..

 

Wordless Wednesday: A Fairy Good Morning and a Sad Afternoon

The fairies will miss you Mallory! And so will we.