Do it Anyway

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No daybook, today. My brain is all amuddle. I'm working overtime to just keep pace, begging grace to sweep away dark thoughts. I don't feel like making my list. I hear Ann. Do it anyway. Eucharisteo. Beg the grace. Count the blessings. Fight for the joy.

Karoline is ever at my side these days. A little beam of sunshine, she is. But also, she seems needy--always tugging at me, always looking for my reassurance. I am reflected in her sunshine--my neediness. Today, we count blessings together. Today, we are reassured

~sweet oranges named Cara Cara

~morning time with Karoline when everyone else sleeps

~a new work in the atrium; appreciating the grace of baptism

~fleece sheets because they are so good to snuggle

~Sarah Annie calls Mary Beth her Fairy Godmother

~that hair grows and bad haircuts won't stay bad forever

~picture books read over and over again

~football food

~folding lavender-scented laundry when it's warm from the dryer

~toilets that flush (because we really don't like the ones that don't flush)

~little girls twirling in "spinny dresses"

~Jesus in Bethlehem

You pick the rest mom; I'm sleepy of this...

~an email that is healing balm and the sweet soul who sent it

~the way frosty grass crunches beneath my feet

~football in the backyard and rosy-cheeked boys

~ballet in the living room and rosy-hued girls

~friends for tea

~gluten free waffles on sale and the thoughtfulness of the man who bought them

~a run by the sushi restaurant on the way home from church

~the way she eats the top of the chocolate donut, leaving deliciousness all over her delectable dimples

~the rich glow of these hardwood floors, a year old now and the gift they've given us on Monday afternoons. spin and twirl, girls. you can!

~the silencer in my cell phone. i'm missing calls and messages; it's true, but I'm also escaping the tyranny of the urgent. life is not an emergency.

~a movie in bed with my husband and the big kids. a new tradition? i hope.

~birthdays and bad hair days. {i remember life threatening disease and baldness.} i count them blessings. all of them.

 

 

Remember this?

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Sweet, Sweet Virginia: The Gratitude List

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We've had some opportunity, lately, to ponder what's important. We've had chances upon chances, tossing and turning in a late autumn bed to imagine what it would be like to live somewhere that isn't here. And when we imagined, we could only go back to thinking about all that we do hold dear here. And in our thoughts and in our hearts, the list grew long. The children sent their lists to their Daddy, the day he told them they were staying. And then, they set about singing exuberantly to a tune sent to them by a Virginia transplant who blooms with us every spring along the banks where Cub Run meets Bull Run. (We tweaked it a bit for our purposes) They sang this song for him, live, as the first Christmas present of the year. They have all been sick and their voices still sound it, but they agreed to record it because I want to keep it forever:-)

I kept my list tucked into my heart, thinking I'd never forget these things, this lesson in gratitude and noticing. But in the past few days, as the dust has settled and the chores of real life have mounted, I find my awareness fading. So, it's time to commit them here, lest I forget them altogether. In no particular order:

~Bailey (and her mom)

~Relatively light traffic, compared to Los Angeles, and the fact that I can get just about anywhere quicker if I stop at the airport and buy a pack of gum;-)

~Street signs with names I recognize and the fact that I actually know my way around

~Memories that spring to life at Accotink Park, on Donegal Lane, and just driving by the Byrd library.

~October

~Bluebells. Gosh, I can't imagine not having that week to mark spring's effusion. Bluebells, bluebells, bluebells.

~The Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. And someday I won't have to look it up to get those words in the right order.

~The National Portrait Gallery and the National Gallery of Art

~The Smithsonian

~RFK stadium--it's a ridiculous soccer venue, but I love it in a sort of sentimental way

~D.C. United and a place for Paddy to come home to

~the ferry to Poolesville and playing soccer at Muldoon's Farm, especially early in the morning, especially in the fall

~Speaking of soccer, McLean Premier Soccer, every well-organized, Type A, intense,  happy bit of it

~And speaking of MPS, the D-Bs, every wonderful one of them.

~Homeschool ballet, budding friendships and

~Big brothers playing football nearby

~Tea with Marisa

~Mary Kate and Bonnie

~Frozen nature walks, the new favorite kind, with Carter & Ronan & Mackenzie

~Mary Chris and the new discovery that we can escape to Starbucks for an hour and the world doesn't stop, indeed, my heart is filled and I come home better for it.

~Speaking of Mary Chris, I think she and Jen and I might just have discovered that we love hanging out with paper and scissors at my dining room table. There's more of that in the future.

~Loudoun Community Midwives

~Fr. Taylor

~Catechesis of the Good shepherd

~Youth group at St. Tim's

~Mel and Gracie. Oh my. Mel and Gracie. Can't imagine how we would have even begun to say goodbye.

~Linda

~Local godparents who really do make a difference in my children's lives.

~Megan, who is closer now and who is homeschooling now.

~The sushi restaurant where everybody knows my name. Come to think of it, they know my name at the bank and the grocery store and the coffee shop, too. And I know theirs. It's my town.

~This big house. It's full right now, beds and boys and bodies everywhere. I've spent hours and hours on real estate websites looking at Los Angeles houses. Words cannot convey how grateful I am for my house here. I have new resolve to use every square inch wisely, to be a faithful good steward of space and a willing and cheerful cooperator in God's plan for hospitality. I may be an introvert, but I know that He intends us to entertain angels here.

~Fr. Peter

~the chapel at George Mason

~Ruthie

~Knowing I can go to Charlottesville any time and that sweet city holds the memories of my heart and the essence of home: Grandpa, Barbara, and a soft place to land.

~Jan, Richmond, and meeting halfway in Fredericksburg

~Felicity Town

~Cousins, MM, and Uncle John.

~Grandma and Granddad, here for the important things and the every day things. Always.

 

 

Counting my multitudes with the gratitude community...

 

 

 

How do you do what you do?

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I found myself with time to write, but a case of writer's block this evening. So, I went back through a file of questions I had saved. I haven't contributed to the question file for, oh, about two years. Don't know why I stopped filing questions there. It was a good idea, really. I think I'll return to that practice. And maybe this time, I'll be better about answering them promptly. Anyhooo, here's one from a few years ago:

For several years now I have been an ardent reader of your blog, message board posts, and various other articles, and I am just in awe of what you're able to accomplish in a given day. After reading your post this morning I called a good friend & said to her, "Okay, I have to know ... how does Elizabeth "do" all of this???  How does she stay motivated to declutter, take care of family, educate children, and do her writing?" 
 
I have a difficult time keeping my laundry caught up and often feel guilty that my baby is entertained by television while I try to get "caught up" around here.  So where do you begin?  Do you have a very rigid schedule that you adhere to, are your older children capable of and willing to give you a great deal of assistance with the younger ones? 
 
As a Catholic mom aspiring to be the wife, mother, friend, and educator God would have me be, I would be extremely grateful for any tips you could provide me on 'where to begin'.
Dear Elizabeth in SC,
Let's begin with the disclaimer: I do not feel qualified at all to tell you where to begin, which is probably why this post has lingered in my "question box" since March 2008. I really dislike didactic blog posts where the author sounds like she's got it all figured out and I often wonder just how old Paul meant for those Titus 2 women to be. I really don't know when I'll ever feel like I'm in a good place to advise. I do, however, like very much to share what works for me. And I live each and every day with the sure sense that there is never a bad time to shout the wonders of God. Whatever works, works because of His gracious goodness. Whatever fails, fails because I haven't listened well enough or been faithful enough to His commands. So, I'll share with you what works when it works and assure you that there are most definitely days--even seasons--of failure.
That brings me to the first part of your question: how does she stay motivated to declutter, take care of her family, educate children, and do her writing?

That's easy. I am motivated by the sheer joy of being alive and the awareness of what a fragile gift we are given with every breath. I know what it's like to wonder if I will live to raise my children. I have spent hours begging God for the chance to do His will with them. I had not one, but two extended periods of stillness in my life when all I wanted was to be well enough to be a good mom. And both times, when that gift of life was granted again, I resolved to live it to its fullest. I am eternally grateful just to be present in the lives of my family.

Today, I am often reminded of those hard days of stillness and fear. The reminders come in my inbox in the form of emails written by a dear friend. Many, many times those brief missives take the very last of her energy for the day. Sometimes, I read them at night and wake up in the morning with the resolve to do with the day not only what I had planned to do, but what she would do if only she felt well enough.
I don't know if this is at all helpful to you. I'm not sure you can take my experience and benefit from it. I think my experiences color every aspect of my life and because of them I bring different expectations to relationships and to duties. I am often surprised when I am misunderstood and I am increasingly aware that to live this way is almost like living with a sixth sense about life.

Now, let's look at the nitty gritty. I begin at the beginning. Generally, I have a grounded sense of why I'm here. I live to love my God and my family.  I'm not easily distracted by what's going on "out there." The one exception in my life was the wasted time I grew to regret last spring. That aside, I'm focused. With my husband, I prioritize and then I endeavor to live those priorities. I'll warn you, it isn't always a popular thing to do. And it's probably best to explain it over and over again (I don't do nearly enough of that--I assume people know). There are plenty of people out there who will tell you that I can go days (weeks?) without answering emails, returning phone calls, or nurturing friendships. I mean no harm and no disrespect. Quite the contrary, I simply mean to live simply inside the narrow parameters of my family life. I am very grateful for the friends who know and understand how I manage my time and love me anyway.

I start my days with exercise, the Divine Office and Morning Prayer. For me, those are critical to a day well lived. I put my husband before everything else. I carry him with me through the day and I don't hesitate to order my time and energy to meet his needs (and wants) as much, as well, and as often as I can. Marriage is a gift--to me, to him, and to our kids. I protect it with my very life. That means I don't always do some things one might expect me to do. Also, I prioritize according to his direction. I don't waste a whole lot of time thinking about it. I just do it.

For me, a good day begins in a tidy house. I have difficulty functioning in a house that's cluttered and disorganized. At different stages of my life, acquiring and maintaining order has meant different things. When we had three little children and only one car, my husband took a detailed list, three boys and his father, and went grocery shopping and to visit Grandma one evening every week. I power cleaned in the time he was gone. When I had seven children, was recovering from surgery and struggling with depression, we hired help to come in once a week. When I had three competent teenagers at home and someone to share driving duties and no one was nursing...oh, wait, I've never had that;-). You get the idea. Sit down with your husband; share your needs and your wants where your environment is concerned and figure out a way to get to order and to maintain order.

I do have a detailed, almost-to-the-minute schedule. I make a new one every season. And then I never look at it again. I just make them to see how it can all fit. If it can't all fit, something has to give. But once the schedule is made, I walk away from it. I have a general sense of what's to be accomplished in every block of time during the day and I hold myself to it, but I'm not a slave to tiny increments of time. One thing that is nearly non-negotiable in my household is naptime. If we have a napping baby, she gets to have her nap. That means I am really careful not to schedule outside commitments during naptime unless I have someone old enough at home to stay and make sure the baby sleeps.Usually, this means that we have a happy baby. We keep our eating times regular and our going to sleep times regular and then there is an expectation that everything else will fall in place. I paddle like crazy under water to be sure things swim smoothly on top.

I am usually  shy, but I am no longer afraid to say "no" in order to preserve order and maintain sanity. I am quite content with my community of eleven at home and in my heart. My focus is on them. I try hard not to assign too much baby and toddler care to my older children. An attachment parent to the very core of my being, I nurse my babies a long, long time (unless forced to wean around 2 years old by cancer or premature labor). Nursing means that my babies come back to me at regular intervals throughout the day for my undivided attention. It prevents me from delegating them too much, something that can easily happen in a household that has older children who love babies. I hold and hold and hold my babies until they squirm to get down. That said, my oldest daughter does do a lot of baby and child care. Much of it, she chooses to do herself. My kids practically came to blows this morning over who was to have the privilege of dressing the baby. In the end, Mary Beth won. Twenty minutes later, Sarah Annie appeared with a new outfit on, her hair in pigtails, and painted finger nails. Very sweet. For both of them.

In terms of education or household management, I make a lot of lists, think it all out. I'm very intentional. Sometimes, I get to attached to those lists and I start to bulldoze. But I do a lot less of that now than I did ten years ago. My motivation behind the lists is different now. I used to be motivated by keeping up appearances; I wanted everyone looking in to think I was capable and competent. Now, I'm motivated by peace of soul. I want to meet God at the end of the day and honestly tell Him I've been a graceful, good steward of the time He gave me. If my house isn't as tidy as I want it to be, it's probably not because I failed to do the important things; it's probably because I did do whatever was more important. And believe me, I think a clean house is important! It is not, however, a reliable measure of my worth.

I do have days when I feel all semblance of control slipping. And usually, those are messy house days or kids who won't do lessons days. Or both. Those are times I used to escape into the computer, because things stay tidy there. What I really need at those times is a little peace of heart--I need "quiet in a crowd."  You can get a fair bit of "alone time" to just think or pray when you hold in your hand a running vacuum. Now, when I'm tempted to go all "drill seargeant" on my kids because I want everything perfect right now, I vacuum and pray instead. If I get all the dog hair up and I'm still wanting to bulldoze, I do. The kids are probably in need of a good, honest nudge.

I'm a hands-on mom. I love to hold my children or to sit next to them and read aloud. Talking to them about big ideas or little mysteries is a happy thing. I'm fond of books and truly enjoy sharing them with the loves of my life. We are all blessed because I genuinely love education. When I face homeschooling, it's not with a sense of dread or duty. I truly delight in it (most days). That's such a blessing and I know it! I'm very grateful for the gift of that joy. I look at almost every encounter with the people I love as an opportunity to live a blessing. Once upon a time, I begged God to let me just read a story and then lie in the dark with a squirmy three-year-old while she drifted to sleep. He granted me the joy and I seize it as often as I can.

Oh dear! Is this any help at all? I do what I do the way I do it because it's the way God made me and how He continues to shape me through the people in my family and the experiences He's allowed me. At the end of the day--quite literally--it all comes down to getting on my knees and asking Him what He would have me do. And then, I compare notes with my husband and together we do whatever He tells us. I'm just happy He's given me such nice things to do.

Just Do It

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(You like that title? We're all Nike here now, you know;-)

I'm sitting at Chicken Out in McLean. They have free wi-fi and really good chicken. I have an hour and a half. Mike is in the air somewhere over the midwest. I've already talked to Michael four times today, so I'm not calling him. I texted Paddy and asked him to call when he has both time and privacy. I know better than to hold my breath. Those are scarce commodities for him. My plan was to get on the CM Organizer and do some tweaking now that we've started school in earnest. But there's really very little tweaking to do.

I need to write a column. It's due tomorrow. But I'm not really feeling that right now.

This blog has been decidedly sad lately and I want to smile for you. It's Tuesday. Hmmmm. Nothing special there. Just do it, the Spirit whispers. Beth did it and she has certainly said her fair share of goodbyes in the past couple of weeks. Just do it. You know you should. You know that's a step in the right direction. Just start making that list. Call to mind the blessings. List them one by one. Do it now. You have the time. ...

I'm grateful for

  • Julie, who heard me say that the way forward for me is always to polish up the house and look forward to fun things. She painted my bathroom this afternoon. It's amazing how much a little paint can brighten one's perspective. What's even better is an afternoon with a friend who can make you laugh and laugh with you.
  • Jen, who comes home from the beach tomorrow and brings with her paint swatches, because certainly we are on a roll.
  • Mary Chris, who is there, just there, whenever for whatever.
  • Colleen, who--by the grace of God-- comes tomorrow and who has listened to my every whimper and never once said, "At least you still have him; he didn't die, but just went away." Even though she could. She really, really could.
  • Jan, who has been praying with me since I was 19, and keeps praying still.
  • A darling girl, a blooming romance, and and the welcome opportunity to think happy thoughts along those lines.
  • The sushi chef who sent a complimentary delicious roll to our table when Mike and I went out the other night. As embarrassing as it is to be recognized and have a "usual," it was such a kind, neighborly gesture and the food was, as always, amazing.
  • Cindy, who says she'll visit my boy often and means it.
  • Linda, who knows exactly what I'm saying even if it's unintelligible.
  • Katherine, who always know what to say and says it with gentle grace.
  • Ann, who prompts me to count my blessings and who helps me to find the words when I don't know what to say.
  • Soccer moms.
  • Blooming roses.
  • Rotisserie chicken to go.
  • The wise advice and holy perspective of Dr. deHority and the day after a good night's sleep. Pray for her!
  • A sweet baby who insists, "Mama, I LOVE you!" over and over until I pick her up.
  • Karoline.
  • Podcasts that have become genuine conversations with dear friends. 
  • Sweet, warm, kind notes from women all over the world and right in my backyard.
  • Texts from Texas and Colorado and several places in between.
  • Time--time to think complete thoughts, to snuggle my baby til we've both held enough, to read countless picture books first thing in the morning.
  • Mike, who has always, unfailingly and wholeheartedly supported...
  • Home Education. Dear Lord, I am grateful anew for the gift of days and days of connectedness and shared experiences that this learning experience brings to our family. It is Enough. And so much more. Truly.

For those of you have have asked, the brief report on Patrick's first day is that the soccer was good, school was boring, and someone brought him carryout to supplement the bad food.

holy experience