Rejoice and be Glad!

Blessed are you, holy are you!

Rejoice and be glad for yours is the kingdom of God!

As a devout Catholic family, we are open to life.  We've always been open to life. Because of God's great grace (and a courageous priest--thank you Fr. Lyle), I will never look back on our years of fertility and wonder if God had more children in mind for us.  We greedily accepted all those that were offered.

But it has certainly gotten more difficult.  Oh, not that we want them less.  If anything, I want them more.  My prayers for the blessing of children have reached a fevered pitch of desperation as I confront the reality of my forties.  Please, Lord, send me more before it's too late!

What has become more difficult is the recognition that this is a fallen world and that all our joy is bittersweet. I offered my labor for a dear friend who had recently confided that she was pregnant again, two years after a heartbreaking stillbirth.  Throughout labor, I was painfully aware that life and death are but a breath apart.  And I was overcome with fear. It was a fear that my friend knew all too well and one that she had faced when she embraced life once again.

A few weeks later came the heartbreaking news that her newest baby would also be born into heaven before she ever held him. As I cradled my newborn and wept for my friend, I wept for myself as well.  Gone was the nonchalant innocence, the notion that if we want a baby, we can have a baby.  In its place is the awe-filled recognition that life on this earth is very precious indeed. And that openness to life--conception, pregnancy and childbirth--is also openness to exquisite pain.

My phone rang several times that night and the next day.  The news of this latest loss rocked the worlds of some very steady, faithful women. We needed each other--we needed to sort the feelings of loss and pain and hopelessness.  And we need to be reminded by each other of faith. Like so many candles lit from a single flame, we consoled each other, we held each other up, even as we mourned the loss of the little row lights that had been snuffed too soon.

I talked with my pastor about it all last Sunday.  And he said to me, in his forthright, blunt, German way, "It's not about you.  It's not about your friend.  It's about the baby. Sometimes women forget that the whole idea is getting a new soul to heaven.  That baby's there. Mission accomplished."  He went on to say that I might not want to be so blunt when I spread the message, but that that really is the bottom line. New souls for heaven.

And with that reality ringing in my ears, I had the holy privelige of bringing another baby before God to be baptized this week. Choosing a date for Karoline's baptism was tedious.  My husband's travel schedule and the priest's schedule and the Holy Day schedules all bumped up against each other.  I ended up with a date two weeks later than I wanted.  I ended up with  All Soul's Day.  And I wasn't thrilled with it. Seemed sort of morbid for a baptism.

But yesterday, in that church, I prayed for those women whose lives and whose stories were so much a part of my pregnancy--for Missey Gray, the homeschooling mother of five who died in childbirth last winter and for Nicole, a dear friend who learned she was dying of cancer as she gave birth to her third baby. And I prayed for Donna, who gave another baby to God. And then, there was Betsy. So much pain mingled with such utter joy. Birth and death, saints and souls, truly life in the Catholic Church. And that water, that holy water, looked to my eyes to be the tears of those mothers who so loved their children. Please God, just grant us the grace sufficient to do your will with these precious souls.

I listened as the dear priest who has baptized all my children reminded my husband and me again that the goal is heaven and that we were solemnly promising to pass on the faith and to educate our children for heaven. Heaven.  No matter whether we hold them for a lifetime or hold them not at all, the goal is to return them to God.

And so yesterday, this precious, precious baby girl became what she is, a child of God.  Please Lord, let me always remember that she was created for heaven.

Halloween Math

What to do with all that candy?? First, we weighed it (14 pounds).  Then, we sorted it:

Then we counted it (460 pieces after some eating).Finally, we graphed it.  There are more Hershey chocolate bars (all variations) than anything else.

She's a handful!

Okay, so my baby skills are a bit rusty.  Either that, or I never used to get anything done around here!  This little bundle of love doesn't sleep much and she is only happy in my arms (or the arms of her biggest brothers).  Frankly, I'd like nothing better than to sit around for the next six months and just gaze at her (isn't she adorable?).  But, there were all those carefully thought out homemaking resolutions and all those lofty educational goals!  I can sit with her in my arms or stand with her in a sling--either way, I'm slow as molasses in January when it comes to productivity. I'm not all that into multi-tasking.  I'm a terrible typist with two hands, never mind with one.  The house must be kept, meals must be cooked and there are seven other children in my house who need my love and attention.  Much as a I want to, I can't babymoon forever. So, share with me ladies--what are your best life-with-baby tips?  How do you savor the infant days while still meeting the other duties of your vocation?

Lately, I've been thinking especially about a certain mother of 11, who did a beautiful job with her big kids (now grown and proof that it can be done), despite lots of babies for many years.  (Coincidentally, the sweater Karoline is wearing came from that very fine Ecole Buisonierre.)

Rule of Six

Mary asked me to ponder this a bit.  In order to raise healthy, happy, holy children, I think they need these six things everyday:

• Living Liturgy--children need to embrace the faith in all its wonder and glory.  They need to celebrate the liturgical year, to frequent the sacraments, and to have a deep family and personal prayer life.
• Encounters with beauty--art, music, literature, nature:  while we certainly don't get to all four, every day, at least one a day is necessary.
• Fresh air and exercise--children need an abundance of fresh air and plenty of exercise every single day (so do their parents).
• Meaningful work--there is plenty of meaningful work to be done in a Catholic household.  Children can be taught to do it cheerfully and well.  And they must be told again and again how vital they are to the well-being of the family.  The work has meaning and purpose.
• Ideas to ponder and discuss--I stole this one from Lissa, who wrote the original Rule of Six and got us all pondering.  One of the greatest joys of home education is unearthing ideas and discussing them with the people we love best.  Every day, for the benefit of all of us.
• Focused attention and affection--every child, every day needs the focused attention of his or her parents and they absolutely need the parents' expression of unconditional love.

Empathy

My husband and I were recently discussing a major goal in the raising of children:  the development of empathy.  We want our children to be empathetic.  As a matter of fact, I see empathy as crucial  to maturity.  If a child can't grow to see outside herself and to "feel for someone else,"  she will not be an effective parent or spouse or friend or minister.  You cannot nurture or love or serve without seeking to understand.

Adults who have little or no capacity for empathy are emotionally stuck.  They are children.  They are so self-absorbed that they cannot relate.  And often, they are unaware of this handicap.  Our job as parents is to ensure that our children grow into an awareness of other people and learn to empathize.

Like so many other things, we "teach" empathy by modeling it.  When we empathize, particularly when we are sensitive to our children, they learn to be sensitive to others. And we praise empathy.  When we see a child nurturing a sibling or even a pet, we call it what it is and we encourage more of the same behavior. There are many, many oppoprtunities to develop empathy in a large family.

I've noticed that some children have a natural tendency towards empathy and it takes just a little fine tuning on my part to encourage virtue.  Some children, though, are not as inclined.  We have to talk about empathy more.  We have to point out opportunities to understand and to serve.  And we have to correct self-centered behavior frequently.

Last night, I witnessed such tender empathy that I was inspired by my child.  Nicholas and Stephen are 22 months apart.  But they are nearly the same size.  Stephen, who is older, is actually a bit smaller.  They are inseparable.  And they delight in pretending they are twins. They both have asthma. Nicholas has had a rough road of it lately and has required frequent treatments using a nebulizer.  Last night, as he was holding the mask up to his face, his head began to nod and his eyelids grew heavy.  Stephen noticed, took the mask in his hand, and helped Nicky to put his head on the pillow.  There Stephen sat for twenty minutes more until all the medicine was gone and his best friend in the world slept soundly.