Never too many children or too many flowers!

Livesoflovelinesslogo200612_2In almost every garden, the land is made better and so is the gardener. --Robert Rodale

Until last spring, I was a dash and splash gardener. I'd dash off to the garden store every spring and buy some annuals and some vegetables and ensure a splash of color and flavor for the season. What influenced this approach, I think, was the gardening of my childhood. We moved from place to place because my father was in the Navy. As soon as the boxes were unpacked, my mother would hang pictures and curtains and whatever else she could to make it feel like home. But it was only temporary. No wallpaper or remodeling--nothing with roots. We wouldn't be there long. So I learned to love begonias and tomatoes, plants that gave us pleasure for a short while and didn't trouble me when we moved on.

There were some stately oaks dripping with Spanish moss in our backyard in Charleston, SC. I did love those trees. But I didn't plant them and I wasn't overly attached to them. From there, we moved to Northern Virginia. And someone planted peonies. I don't know if it was my mother or my father or the people who lived in the house before us. I just know that they came back year after year after year. I know they bloomed for my senior prom. I know they were perennials. Perennials. They had roots; they counted on someone to care for them from season to season, year after year. And they bloomed predictably. I lived in that house longer than any other in my childhood. And I learned I liked things that grew.

Then, I got married and moved into a house with a little bit of land of its own. I didn't know a thing about planting a garden. All I really knew was that in the spring, I was supposed to go and buy some color for the front beds. I planted impatiens. I remember the first season I planted them--I was impatient! I squatted in the garden nine and a half months and hoped the very act of planting would put me into labor. Did you know that impatiens grow seed pods in the fall that pop when small boys squeeze them? And that means that in the spring, "volunteer" impatiens bloom? Not really perennials, but still, color from the year before--a sense of continuity.

Years and years went by. Years of not knowing how long we'd be in a house. Years of having babies and babies and babies  and not having a whole lot of time for planning and planting and tending a garden...Until last year.

Last year, we dug in. We had truckloads of dirt delivered to our house and our boys shoveled and hauled and spread. We all studied gardening together. And then I bought perennial flowers and herbs. These were a whole new world of plants to me. These were plants that would flower and grow and then I would tend them in the fall and they would come again--bigger, better, stronger, more--the following year. Dsc03052 These were plants in which to invest time and energy and love. These were plants that begged my patience.They were little tiny things when I planted them last year. They whispered, "Trust me. Take good care of me. Wait for me. Watch me grow."

I could do that. I was well practiced at that. I have children. Like  a little row of flowers, they are growing. Some are a bit on the wild side and their beauty catches one off guard.Tulips0010 Some are more contained and utterly lovely at first glance, only to be lovelier the longer you look. Some require careful, almost constant pruning. Others are decidedly low maintenance. Together, they are breathtaking!

The thing about gardening, I've discovered, is that there's always room for one more plant. A little shifting, a little pruning and the whole garden looks better for the addition. The plants challenge me and teach me things. Sometimes, they require that I step out in faith. Garden0001 I planted peonies last year, even though the nursery lady told me that they wouldn't bloom until this year. That's okay, I'm used to waiting nine months at a time for a bloom. Now, I'm watching those tightly closed buds eagerly and wondering if they'll bloom in time for Michael's senior prom. (He couldn't care less, but I think it'd be kind of cool.)

This year, I planted rosebushes. They are John Paul II roses and Our Lady of Guadalupe roses--very fitting, I think, for the first summer of Karoline Rose. People have warned me that roses are difficult to grow. I'm too inexperienced. It's too hard. I bought too many. I smile at that. Garden0002_2 I've heard it before. ..and I know that there are never too many and that, like the children, the roses will teach me; they'll show me; I'll learn what I'll need to learn. Together, we'll grow.

Visit As Cozy as Spring for the Loveliness of Gardens Fair!

Dappled Diapers

Diaperrack0001On the first sunny day of spring, I carried my drying rack outside. This was a bit of an act of rebellion, as I live in a neighborhood which prohibits clotheslines. If I hadn't been very pregnant and in desperate need of a house near my hubby's new job all those many years ago, the prohibition would have been a deal-breaker. Now, it's just a thorn in my side.

Anyway, I took the drying rack outside to hang the diapers to dry in the sunshine.  A neighbor wandered by.

"You use cloth diapers?" she asked, with a look that said she thought I was truly bonkers.

"I do!" I enthused, gushing a bit in my self defense. "I love the way they feel, and smell, and--honestly-- the way they look, hanging there in the sunshine." I stopped myself just short of the full gush, as her eyes were glazing over.

So...you get the full gush.

I love to change diapers. I love to lay Karoline on a soft, pink changing table, with a beautiful picture  of the Blessed Mother and her Child hanging there for us to ponder. I love to make her feel good. I love to take away the wet diaper and to wash her bottom with warmed cotton wipes that smell faintly of peppermint castille soap. I love to rub a bit of homemade herbal salve on any tender spots. I love the occasional times when I rub her bottom and legs with a powder of cornstarch and crushed rose petals. And I love to wrap those fat, delicious buns in softness. I love it--the whole sensory experience of it. I love to coo at her and make funny faces. I love it when she coos and smiles and even giggles in return. The drudgery of diapers? Not here.

I'm not so sure that cloth diapers are less expensive economically or ecologically. I've seen compelling arguments in both directions. All that washing does cost something, in terms of time, money, and resources. And it certainly takes longer to hang clean, sweet smelling diapers to dry.On the other hand... Call me crazy, but I  like the look of those nappies all in a row on the drying rack. It sings, "Baby lives here! Thank God!"

It also takes time to take the diapers from the rack and stack them neatly in a handcrafted picnic basket that sits beside the changing table.They look beautiful there in that basket, waiting to swaddle my little cherub.Time. These diapers slow me down a bit. Yes, they do. That's not a bad thing at all, slowing down to make something that could be a negative into something altogether pleasant and happy. I could not get all that with a plastic bag of Pampers, and they definitely wouldn't be soft and pink.

And that's what the whole diaper experience is for us: soft and pink and dappled with sunshine.

You light up my days...and fill my nights with song...

April 1, 2007

Dear Papa,

I had planned to write a long column this weekend, in time for tomorrow. But the baby was sick and my hands were full ,so all the writing I did was in my head.  I planned to write about that sobbing prayer two years ago, when I begged you to intercede for me. And then I'd write about all the little miracles strewn like roses in the days and weeks and months that followed.

Instead, I stayed up all night, dancing with my daughter.  She was feeling poorly and whimpering to be held. I gathered her up out of my bed and swayed with her in the darkness. For hours.  I sang my full repertoire of musicals.  I moved on to old Raffi tunes. I added a little Glory and Praise. And then, I switched to "You Light up my Life."  Her tears ceased and mine fell freely. I settled into the big chair, her head heavy against my chest and I remembered.

I remembered a time two years ago that was dark and sad. I was struggling with depression and so was Mike. Together, we were fumbling in confusion. Recovery from childbirth had been difficult. Recovery from a miscarriage more difficult. A year of infertility following that miscarriage was a year of pain like none I'd ever known. No light. Only darkness.  And on that Friday night, I held an eerie vigil in front of the muted television.

Please God, I don't know what I'll do without my Papa. And yet I know, I know that he is yours; he always was. Morning dawned and the day moved forward and then you were gone. And as naturally as the sobs escaped my throat, my soul begged your intercession. Tell Him, Papa! Please tell Him how sad I am, how much I want a baby, how much Mike needs him. Tell Him, Papa--I know you can.

And you did. Within an hour of that prayer, the answers began to become so clear.  You led us to a different parish. You put people in my path who would insist that I get to know the Little Flower you loved so well, the dear Saint you called a Doctor and by whom you trusted that the fullness of faith could be taught. She and you taught me about Love--Love incarnate, a good and gentle God who understood my pain and stooped to bind my wounds. I re-read all your letters to me. I read her words. Light dawned, love flickered.

Looking back, I should not be surprised that in the months following your death, I pushed by forces greater than me to travel. You were never afraid to travel. I had not been on an airplane in fifteen years. But I flew three times that year. The first time, I went Chicago and visited the shrine of St. Therese and left my petitions there. The last time, I went to Florida at my husband's insistence. We were there for an art gallery opening but we took a day trip to St. Augustine and the Shrine of Our Lady of La Leche.  I had a long talk with Our Lady that day. She already knew.I'm sure you told her.

One night, nine months after you died, my husband lit a candle in a church where you once celebrated Mass, in the presence of your relics. And then, our wait for a baby was over and yet it had begun. For nine more months, I was still, love growing inside of me.  I learned to love your favorite prayer and I prayed the rosary with St. Therese, sometimes twenty decades a day, including the five new decades that were your gift to me. All the time, I was almost afraid to believe, almost afraid to think that the light had returned and darkness was dispelled.

33070006  Then she was here.  A glorious, beautiful, darling little girl. We call her Karoline Rose. She is a shower of roses, a basket of blessings. She is sweetness and she is light.  As she grows, I will tell her.  I will tell her about her Papa. She will know you and she will be grateful to share your name.

But now, she calls again. Enough remembering. I am living in the present, embracing every moment. I know you're here. I know you see her dear, dimpled chin. I know you watch me kiss her fat little cheeks and I know you smile.

Thank you!

Bring on the Food!

"Karieatingmarch190001 Hmmm...she made applesauce. Smells good. Wonder why she put it in that tiny little bowl?  Who in the world would only eat a tiny little bit of applesauce?"

Karieatingmarch190005 "Why does a crowd watch every move I make? I sense something big is about to happen..."

Karieatingmarch190007 "Me?  For me?  I get to eat--for real?"

Karieatingmarch190008 "I can do this all by myself! What took y'all so long to introduce me to this wonderful experience?"Karieatingmarch190004