To the Ladies Still Waiting

There is something very strange that washes over me when I read the blogs of ladies whose due dates are close to mine.I read about sonograms and blessings of unborn babies and I almost feel the familiar thumps and bumps from within.I still have not taken down my ticker. My children are enjoying readingwhat Sarah would have been doing had she stayed put six weeks longer.I hold her and nurse her and hold her some more. And still, I miss her--I miss those last few weeks of pregnancy. I miss being full of life and expecting joy.  This is for those of you who are growing quite large...

• Rub that belly often. Give your toddler some massage oil and let him go to town. Let him rub and rub and rub and when he does pray together for your new baby.
• Count every kick and with each one offer a prayer of thanksgiving for God's reassurance that baby is well.
• Pack your bag with thoughtfulness and care. Include some things which will bring you comfort in the hospital: a favorite pack of gum, a box of granola bars, a pretty mug for tea, a favorite inspirational book for mothers,  holy water, a book of prayers, warm socks, an iPod...I could go on and on, really. Pack for the celebration of welcoming new life. Look forward to spending warm happy hours cocooned in your room with your sweet baby. There's really nothing this side of heaven so dear.
• Keep writing. Even if you don't publish all your thoughts right now, record them. You'll want them later. And
• take pictures. I have only one picture of myself pregnant with Sarah. And it was taken pretty early on.  We left for the hospital in a frantic, blood-covered hurry. I'm so sad not to have some happy belly-hugging BIG  pictures. 
• Enjoy those weekly OB checks. After chatting with the doctor or midwife, stop at the craft store or the bookstore or get yourself a treat from the donut shop (no one will weigh you again for week). Pretty soon, it will be a bit more difficult to get out and about.
• Do your advent prep and your Christmas shopping. Wrapping presents for your big kids while listening to Christmas music as your baby rolls around inside of you is a rare blessing indeed. Eat it up!
• Go to confession now and to Holy Communion often. Stay in a state of grace. You're going to need all the help you can get.
• Pray. If you don't already have a prenatal prayer routine, get one. Make a prayer book of your own. Print out prayers for expectant mothers, offer continual novenas to patrons of mothers or midwives or nursing (or all of the above). Take the prayers with you to the hospital. You will be surrounded by friends when you deliver and those friends will celebrate with you when you hold your baby.
• Go to sleep at night with your husband's arm around your belly. The warmth of his hand will relieve some the aches and the gentle pressure will reassure you that he will be there, ready to protect and cherish you should you awaken in labor.
• Relish every last second of the third trimester. Enjoy being an outward sign of God's abundant goodness. Smile. Bless the people around you. Take good care of yourself. Love that baby safe and sound within you.Look forward with joy!

I'm a Very Happy Kangaroo

For me, the most difficult aspect of our time in the NICU was my own confusion about what to do. I'm an experienced mom, a breastfeeder for the past twenty years, a vocal proponent of attachment parenting. And there, in that crib, with all those wires and tubes, was the most vulnerable of all my babies. We don't even own a crib. I was at a loss. I had to ask permission to hold her. I even had to call ahead to see if it was a good time to come look at her. The people in the NICU were wonderful, goodhearted, devoted people, but rules were rules, all for good reasons.

We tried to breastfeed but her heartrate and respirations suffered. She just couldn't suck, swallow and breathe all at the same time. The neonatologist and the nurses assured me that all would be well with the tincture of time. But I was hyperventilating as I waited.  I needed to hold my baby and I was fairly certain she need me to do exactly that.

Within a couple of days we both learned about Kangaroo Care. Honestly, I think we both knew all about Kangaroo Care before someone taught us the lingo. Basically, Mom unbuttons her shirt and baby is stripped down to a diaper. Baby lies on Mom's chest and enjoys skin to skin contact. THIS I know. This is how I take care of all my newborns. This I could do. Happily. For hours and hours at a time, there amidst the beeping and dinging of the NICU, I held Sarah. There, a curtain pulled around our own little corner, Sarah and I became us. Her oxygenation levels went up. Her breathing was steady. Her temperature seemed well-controlled even though she was outside the incubator. And my milk came in.

I pumped and pumped and pumped. That milk went down the gavage tube. That milk went into those early bottles. The medical staff was absolutely thrilled to learn that I had just weaned my toddler ( due to pre-term contractions six weeks before Sarah's birth). Breastmilk when  a baby was mere 24 hours old was regarded as pure gold in that NICU.

Over time, she did indeed learn to nurse and I learned that she needed a good half hour or more of Kangaroo time in order to nurse well. It was amazing really how holding skin-to-skin was so highly correlated with her newfound ability to suck, swallow and breathe.

The day before she was released, the nurse (who was also a lactation consultant) ensured that I was equipped with a Moby Wrap and we wrapped in the NICU. I discovered that this was how I could reclaim those last six weeks in utero for Sarah. There in the Moby she is snuggled securely against me. I wear a nursing camisole with a blouse unbuttoned over the Moby Wrap. (No pictures, I'm afraid--it's perfect for at-home but not quite suitable for public viewing.) Better still, I wear my pjs. The recommendation is that moms (and/or dads) enjoy Kangaroo Care at least three hours a day.

I never put her down:-)

Hmmm...If Sarah had been a boy, I would have named her Joseph. Seems she's a joey after all.

Babymoon Daybook

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Outside My Window ...
I missed a season. It was summer when bedrest began and now the fall is waning outside my window. Before long, it will truly be winter. I noticed that the leaves were just past peak on my drive home from the hospital. Mike tells me they were beautiful during the week we were in the hospital.

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I am listening to...
The rhythm of the humidifier and Sarah's quiet breathing..

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Towards rhythm and beauty ...
I am so glad to have traded the schedule of the NICU for the rhythm of home We're nursing happily around the clock, as often as this sweet baby wants.

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I am thankful for ...
life itself.

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From the kitchen ...
My kitchen is beginning to come to life again. Patrick made bolognese sauce this afternoon.
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To live the liturgy...
I had a baby on the vigil of All Saint's Day. Time stood still.
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I am wearing ...
my bathrobe. I need to get dressed but I have a feeling my wardrobe choices will be very limited this morning. Maternity clothes are too big. Regular clothes are too small.

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I am creating ...
back posts. I'm writing all out of order, trying to go back and journal the last few weeks.

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Towards a real education ...
Everyone who is old enough is reading the Dr. Sears Premature Baby Book.
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Bringing beauty to my home ...
In October, the letters on the mantel spelled "PATIENCE." For November, we will spell "GRATEFUL." All of this was planned many, many months ago. But it sure takes on a whole new meaning now.

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I am reading  ...
When I was eighteen weeks pregnant and I first learned I had placenta previa, I asked God to show me what He wanted for a fast. Since I was already sticking very closely to a super healthy diet, I wasn't looking for food or drink. God pointed me to my google reader. I cut out several blogs and drastically reduced my reading time. Yesterday, I poked around a bit and caught up on what I'd been missing. Also, after spending the post-election week completely away from the computer, I had 700+ entries under my "political blogs" tab. I read very few of those before deleting the whole bunch of them. Sometimes, when I fast, I find out I've actually formed a good habit. Fewer blogs to read is a good habit, I think.

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I am hoping ...
for a peaceful babymoon.

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Around the house ...
it's well past time to put in order many of the things I never even saw when I was on bedrest.

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One of my favorite things ...
the smell of a newborn.
And
a perpetually grumpy fourteen-year-old boy who appreciates the smell of a newborn and says he wants to bottle it.

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A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:
The pediatrician for Sarah today and the midwife for me on Friday. Other than that, it's all cuddling, all the time.

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Here is a picture thought I am sharing~
 
We took Karoline's doll out of her toy bed and put Sarah in it. Sarah is smaller than the doll. And so much sweeter...

A New Creation in Christ

Sarah Anne was baptized on the morning of November 4,  2008 in the NICU at Loudoun Hospital. This means that her baptism will be recorded at St. Theresa in Ashburn (I'm jotting that note here so I can remember when I need to one day). It was a very brief ceremony and we can "provide the rite" at a later date. Fr. Peter is the Campus Minister at George Mason University. All of our children have been baptized by campus ministers  (or former campus ministers). Father Peter was a huge support to all of us in the days before and after Sarah's birth. I'll tell you more about the prayers and action of campus ministry in a LONG post telling the story of Sarah's birth.

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I got to hold her for a few moments after her baptism. Later that day, she was able to take a whole feeding from a bottle. From there, she made continuous, steady  progress.

All grace.

My baby was baptized on Election Day. We count the day victorious in our family.

Homecoming

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After all his hard work, his careful protection, his heroic transport to the hospital, and his bedside vigils in the NICU, Daddy missed homecoming. We were surprised by an unexpected discharge order this morning. Daddy's in Phoenix.

This is for you, dear ...

She was wearing her handknit pumpkin hat this morning and Diane, my favorite night nurse, had chosen a coordinating outfit. But, best of all, no wires, no tubes!

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Mary Beth was with me and we were thrilled to learn that the discharge papers had already been signed

I could hardly believe we were really headed home. Sarah weighed in this morning at 5 pounds, 2 ounces. Her feeding instructions were "Breastfeed on demand." Yippee!
Maybe we will actually get a real nap together today.

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At last, she is home and snuggled on my chest. In our bed.
And we will stay right here until you get home. Then, we'll stay here some more.
With you...

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...and Karoline.