Wordless Wednesday: Self-Portrait of Us

A Room Where Best Friends Begin Their Forever

As it began to dawn on us that both Katie and Karoline would lose their "best friends" (only friends?) to moves in the same week, Mike grew very protective. He wanted to do something for them. We both really just wanted to protect them from the hurt. Truth be told, the hurt wasn't limited to the little girls. For the last five years, Gracie has been in the space between Katie and Karoline. They don't have any memories of life in this house without her in it.And it's difficult for all of us to remember a time when she wasn't part of the family.

It is no secret to anyone who knows me that I deal with stress by cleaning and organizing my house. My friends remember how immaculate the house was the day the cancer diagnosis came. Mike, however, does not clean when he is stressed;-). His role was different. He instructed me to do whatever it took to create a new place for three little girls to grow up as best friends. He actually said, "I want them to have the perfect little girls' room and I want the room to make them happy." He's a very sweet guy and nothing brings out the sweet in him like his little girls. So, I abandoned my plan not to spend any money. He wanted to make a gift of this room and I was the instrument.

 

The bed was given to us by my mother when we got married. It's queen-sized. Katie and Karoline can both sleep there.TheGood Shepherd picture above the headboard was a gift to me from Patrick's godmother. I love the idea of the Good shepherd watching my sleeping babies.

This dresser came from my father's attic.

This one came from my mother's house. We need one for Sarah, but I'm going to scour Craigslist for awhile and see what pops up.

The bookcase came from Costco a couple of years ago.

My stepfather made the stuffed animal shelf for Michael's nursery 21 years ago. It has moved with us three times. And this bookcase was an old white pantry shelf in my in-law's basement before they moved. I painted it in a Home Depot Disney shade called "Invitation to a Princess." Appropriate, no?

The room didn't really need painting but it did sort of look worn. We found stickers at Target and covered all the dings with flowers and butterflies. Tah-dah! Much quicker than a coat of paint.

These curtains were too cute for words, so we picked them up when we picked up the stickers.

 

And then, I saw this rug. Hopscotch? Worth every penny just to watch Karoline try to do it. Worth even more to watch Daddy show Karoline how it's done.

Around this time, I learned that Jessica and I were doing the same thing three thousand miles from one another. That made Mary Beth and I giggle as we continued to decorate.

Above the bed are pictures of the girls in the bluebells. They are just gorgeous in these frames. We're doing one above the chest for Karoline, so there will be three in all, but Target needs a little time to replenish the stock. Costco did a fabulous job with the enlargements, just like Lori said they would.

The little girls helped with all the moving out and they were there as we moved furniture in, but we banished them to the basement while we stuck flowers on the walls and hung curtains at the window. When we invited them back to their new room, they reacted exactly as their Daddy had hoped.

 

The quilt on the bed was actually Mary Beth's. I pulled it off her bed and was delighted by the way it looked in the room.

That left Mary Beth without a quilt and so begins the story for tomorrow..

 

Blessed Among Men

Grateful for Hazy Clarity

The reason that we are not fully at ease in heart and soul is because we seek rest in these things that are so little and have no rest within them, and pay no attention to our God, who is Almighty, All-wise, All-good, and the only real rest. ~Blessed Julian of Norwich

I sit this morning in the unexpected quiet and wonder when it was that I last fully felt at rest. In my mind, I replay my adult life. Was it early in my marriage? No, a difficult job and a first pregnancy troubled me that whole first year. Was it the first year I was a mother? No, I spent that year frantically trying to figure out motherhood, flitting to and fro, book to book, having endless conversation with friends who were also new mothers. And so it has gone, year after year, always something to learn, always someone to consult as I seek to figure it all out.

The explosion of the internet fed the noise in my brain. As I found more and more information, more and more communication, I lost more and more rest. Literally. How many times have I sat here in front of this screen, when really I would have been better off praying myself to sleep?

There's just so much to know! There are just so many people from which to learn! It's such a big, big world. And now it's all right here at my fingertips. Conversation. Discussion. Debate. It's all so interesting.

The closest I have ever come to being fully at ease was the last few weeks of bedrest. Though I was anxious regarding birth, I was not anxious about the other aspects of my life. In order to preserve and pursue my peace, I had winnowed my contact with the world to a very tight circle of friends whom I knew would keep directing me towards Him. Of course, I had none of the "outside world" with which to contend because I never left home. But even at home, I was careful to preserve peace and to preserve interior stillness often enough to hear the Lord.

Even now, I relive the day Sarah was born. Sometimes, I am fully awake. More often, I am half asleep. I remember the ride to the hospital. I remember I tried to make one phone call to one friend. She didn't hear the ringing. She never picked up. And then, it was just Mike and God. There was silence around us as we drove through the countryside in the dark of that autumn night. The midwife on call called about halfway there. She was frantic. No peace there. Just Mike and God. All that blood. Life and death. And absolutely nothing left to say.  Peace settled as night turned to day. Grace was palpable. I couldn't have asked for more.

I settled into a room and continued to wait to see how God would write this chapter. The thing is, I can't remember the phone calls. I know I talked to people that day and I know I asked for prayers but I absolutely cannot remember the conversations. I remember Michael coming in with a dozen roses and I remember thinking how Kimberlee and Molly would so approve of his choice of flowers. I know he stayed a long time; he missed classes and training. But I don't remember a word he said.

I can't remember the conversations. I can only remember the grace.

I do remember the doctor. In my memory, she shone. Very strange. I was sure she was one of God's great gifts. But I'd never met her before that day. Never had a conversation. And really, she talked and I listened. Not much conversation there. And the midwife with whom I'd had all those careful conversations, nurtured that precious friendship over all those years and all those babies? She was out of town. Never did she suspect I'd deliver so early and she'd miss it. No. It wasn't in the conversations of the day that I found rest. Not at all. It was in the willingness to relinquish my will in order to know His. I stopped seeking. Stopped asking. Stopped looking to other women to shed light on this matter or that. For that space of time, I saw the things that were little and I was embraced by something much bigger.

Have mentioned yet how grateful I am for the hazy clarity of the memory of Sarah's birth?

That's #20 on the gratitude list.

The Two Tournament Week Daybook

***

Outside My Window ...
it's pouring and thundering and completely washing away all my plans for planting the vegetable garden today. It's was a hot, humid weekend--the kind of weather that makes Karoline's hair pull up into utterly adorable ringlets. Ringlets aside, I'm not so sure I love the return of sticky Washington, D.C. summer.
   
 

***

I am listening to...
the rhythm of the pouring rain. (And now I've given us all an earworm:-)
***

To Live the Liturgy...
Today is all about our novena to St. Philip Neri as we await Colleen's baby news and the addition to the Louisiana  band of brothers . Unless I missed some news while I was away, my friend Marilyn will welcome a little girl today, too.

We'll celebrate Pentecost in a church on the road.
***
To Fit and Happy...
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I heard this song on the radio while driving Patrick soccer last week. I'm pretty sure my husband wrote it;-). Sounds just like him.
(I fixed the link--Skip the video)

***

I am thankful for...
ice cold waters bottles, sunscreen, the kind lady who lent me her umbrella to shade Sarah Anne, strollers that can be heaped with all sorts of stuff, a gallon bag of fruit salad, cotton t-shirts, bug spray, and
my Ergo.
I am ever so grateful for my Ergo.
   
***

From the kitchen ...
Michael's home this week. He is spending the summer in Salt Lake City, training with Salt Lake's professional soccer team, but he came back to coach last weekend and this weekend, as Paddy's team advances to the Sate Cup Final four. So, this week will be all about feeding hungry athletes. Despite the rain, someone will have to make a grocery run today. For breakfast, I'm thinking baked oatmeal.

***

I am wearing ...
pajamas and a pony tail. It's really, really early. And I'm so tired following our marathon tournament weekend that I'm going to try to stay in my pajamas all day..

***

I am creating ...
lists.
Lists of what to pack for the people going with us this weekend.
Lists for the people left at home.
Lists of Mass times and locations in Williamsburg.
 Lists of what to see at Jamestown and Colonial Williamsburg.
Lists of cooler food.
Lists of directions to fields and hotels and restaurants.
Lots and lots of lists.

  ***
  On my iPod...
Amos Fortune, Free Man
we listened to it to and from games last weekend. Most of what I've downloaded at Audible.com is too advanced for my little ones. For the coming weekend, I think I'm going to hit storynory.com for Lewis Carroll and Rudyard Kipling. If you have good source for books on audio for kids--especially stories that span the ages well, please leave a link in the comments.
***
Towards a real education ...
I have a short three days this week between tournaments. When I awakened Paddy yesterday, I told him that all he had to do was push through one more game (he'd already played four in the previous two days) and he had a trophy waiting for him. He moaned, rolled over, and mumbled that he already had a room full of trophies; he just wanted to sleep. He finally rallied (and he did collect the championship) and I promised him he could sleep for the next three days. Truth is, everyone is exhausted and I need these days to collect myself and take this show on the road.
***
I am thinking... 
That it is utterly adorable that Katie and Karoline have decided to build fairy houses at every athletic complex we visit, sometimes leaving two or three houses near the fields. Five new homes were added to the fairy real estate collection last weekend.

 
***

Sarah Anne this week...
Despite much shade and sunscreen, Sarah Annie got a little sun this weekend. Her skin no longer has that luminous porcelain look. She's still a little cherub, but she's definitely lost the angelic newborn glow.

***

I am reading  ...
maps, directions, stats and standings, fast food menus, and not much else

***

I am hoping and praying ...
for Elizabeth deHority
and
Jessica Hulcy

***
 

On Keeping Home ...
Despite the fact that I was ready to fall over yesterday afternoon I was so hot oand tired, I rallied to make the house presentable before Michael's girlfriend dropped by last night. I never would have pushed like that had it not been for the threat promise of company. I am glad I did. There's still much work to be done, however.For today, we still have to dig out of pockets of weekend dump-and-run. The van needs a total overhaul. It smells like a locker room, among other things. There's laundry to happen so we can begin to pack. The trick right now, isn't so much keeping home, but thinking ahead enough to know what parts of home to take in order to make this trip successful all the way around.
***
A few of my favorite things ...
Little boys who cheer for big boys and care just as much about their games as their own games.
Little boys who grow up to be big boys and coach their "little" brother's teams
A not so little boy who suddenly is mature enough to admit that his big brother is the best coach he's ever had.
 

***

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:
I'm in super organizing mode for the next three days. The veggies will be planted tomorrow. Hopefully, the roses will arrive before I have to leave so that I can plant those, too. Michael and I will head out with a van full on Friday morning, very early. We're going to Williamsburg for a soccer weekend, bookended with historical field trips.

***

Picture thoughts
 

 Sights from soccering.
Patrick's "highlight reel" to follow as soon as I hobnob with my friend Roger.

Be sure to visit Peggy for links to more daybooks.