Now

Yesterday, I was astonished to find hundreds of new blog posts on my Google Reader. The multitude caught me by surprise because I have had absolutely no time to open this computer in the last week or so, never mind actually write anything:-)! I read several posts late yesterday afternoon, though, as my family waged a fierce FIFA tournament on the XBOX. A little escapism, perhaps...

I noticed that this year, as in years past, women are thoughtfully choosing words to guide the new year. And I summarily dismissed the idea. I can't box my hopes and aspirations for this year into one word and I didn't even give it a second of conscious thought. I clicked the laptop shut, went upstairs, tucked myself and my baby into bed and settled under several layers of covers to watch Tim Tebow play his final game. My boys don't like Tim Tebow. They think he's too perfect; it gets under their skin. I think they're jealous;-). Anyway, they were all about virtual soccer; Mary Beth was reading Christmas books to the little girls; and Sarah and I had Tim and the Gators all to ourselves.

I promptly fell asleep.

I awakened at 12:55. Game over. The post-game press conference coming from my television revealed a bright, articulate, very happy Tebow. They won. I missed the whole thing. I heard Mike shutting down the house and then coming up the stairs. Some XBOX tournament!

"I missed the game," I whined.

"They won," his eyes twinkled at the thought that I'd managed to sleep through the whole game.

"I gathered that," I muttered, looking at the television screen. I wasn't even going to give him the satisfaction of asking for any game details. Instead, I got up to take my contacts out and return to bed for real this time.

He was captivated by the baby sleeping there. "She's beautiful," he sighed. "Let's wake her up. She'll smile, then we can see her dimples."

Uh, no. Let's not.

Instead, I snuggled in next to her and inhaled her sweetness.

"I can't imagine life without a baby."

"Me neither. They just keep getting sweeter."

So does he.

My eyes filled with tears unbidden and I was grateful for the dark as he turned out the light. Life marches along; every new year brings changes to a family. People grow taller; some even grow beards. Babies become toddlers (or in the case of ours, a bigger baby who charms everyone she knows into carrying her wherever she wants). Hair grows grayer. And it's not just his hair this year, but mine as well.

Time.

I want to stop time. I don't want to think about the failures of yesterday. I don't want to think about the uncertainty of the future. I just want today--with all nine children under my roof and a comfortable spot in this warm bed between sweet husband and beautiful baby. Sleeps comes again. I am so tired I cannot even finish a thought these days.

Sometime in the night, the baby nurses and I am half awake. That's when my word for the year finds me. I certainly didn't find the word. I wasn't even looking. The word is "Now."

Now.

Now is just fine. Now is good.

In my sleepiness, I am assured:

Don't borrow trouble from yesterday or anticipate the sorrows of tomorrow. He gives you grace sufficient for today. For now. Live in now.

And only now.

One moment at a time.

Assured that He will be present in the moment.