A Hallmark Movie Spa Day (sort of)

Hello, there!

It’s February, and boy howdy is it ever weird. It’s been remarkably warm all winter here in New England. Sarah is in a ski club and the only snow they’ve seen is artificially blown onto the slopes. This is so different from our first two winters here where it would snow by early December, and then just keep snowing until March. The ground was always snow-covered. This year, it’s all so very muddy. We had a two-day (very dry) arctic blast over the weekend with subzero temperatures, and then it was 50 degrees outside. I really, really miss the snow. I know our winters here are numbered. I want them all to count.

Mike was gone over the cold snap—away in sunny Las Vegas. He was gone a total of five days, and I tackled a project I’ve been contemplating since before we moved in. Late last year, we drew up some tentative plans to renovate our master bathroom, and we talked to the contractor and carpenter who helped us with the kitchen remodel. He came back with a working budget, and I watched Mike actually flinch.

There’s no way we can do a full renovation job any time soon. The cost is prohibitive.

I’m a relax in the tub at the end of the day kind of person. I love a good soak. I’m far more attached to my skincare regimen than I ever will be to makeup. I love to soak. Did I say that already? I love to get clean. And I love to be alone for a few minutes before transitioning to whatever the evening holds.

But I could not hate that bathroom more.

When we first moved in I was so convinced there was mold growing there, I pulled some wallpaper down. (In my defense, when I did this in the pool bathroom, I did indeed find mold.) There was no mold in the master bathroom. But the wallpaper was very old and the glue was very gluey and I thought we were going to just tear it all back to the studs soon, so I left it. Some dingy paper up, some ripped haphazardly from the walls. For more than two years. Mike never said a word.

But we both hated the bathroom. I have no before pictures. (I regret this.)

I thought I could make a good go at making the bathroom less of an eyesore in the five days he’d be gone and surprise him with the finished project. I never make major purchases without consulting him, so the budget was limited to paint and paint supplies. (I added some new but very inexpensive switch plates and a couple towels and bath mats at the end.)

I pulled down almost all the wallpaper, with the exception of what needed a ladder. Then, I set about removing the glue. So much glue. To do that, I sprayed with white vinegar, squeegeed, and then used a sponge and plenty of water. It took a couple days and I smelled like a pickle. But I think I got those walls very, very clean. It was good, hard, physical labor, and I really needed it. Then, feeling more confident in my technique, Katie and I did indeed get the wallpaper and glue at the very top. We used an extension ladder in the tub. I prayed a lot. Do not do this at home.

These have been some very tense days—months? years?—and I’ve learned a thing or two about stress “management.” One thing I know is that it takes physical activity to “complete the stress cycle.” When we’re stressed, our bodies generate plenty of stress hormones. They course through our veins. If the stress is resolved (and even if it is not), those hormones need a way to release. My puppies (there are three in our house right now—a story for another day) release their stress by giving it a good shake. We can do that, too, of course. Or we can spend three days tearing down paper and washing walls and then two days painting. I knew those days Mike was in Vegas would be tense days in my head, and I knew that I’d feel the stress in my body, so I very deliberately lined up something super physical to do. And I’m glad I did!

Early in the process, I was on the phone with Mike, and he commented that the background noise was very annoying. Thankfully, he didn’t ask what I was doing. I was steaming the wallpaper off with a hand steamer and then peeling it. But he did ask me to put my AirPods away and just talk on the phone. So I did. But I was (1) on the phone and talking about something disconcerting (2) peeling wallpaper (3) trying to think of what I would tell him if he wanted to know what I was doing. So, I cannot remember where I put those AirPods. It’s been almost a week now. I use them every day, all the time. Replacing them would literally double the budget of this project. I’m begging St. Anthony…

Without my AirPods, I ended up half listening/ half watching no fewer than 15 Valentine-themed Hallmark movies. This left me quite sure that I could easily follow the formula and write a movie in an afternoon. It also made me way too unreasonably expectant about the coming holiday. And it made me crave chocolate. Well over half of the movies had chocolate in them. My favorite chocolate used to be chocolate mousse. But after diverging from my careful allergy-proof diet and indulging in some decadent and delicious mousse when I was in Vegas with Mike last month, I learned my lesson. And anyway, I really do adore chocolate-covered fruit. So, we’ve been managing our cravings, and “practicing” for Valentine’s Day with these chocolate drizzled strawberries and pineapple. They’re outrageously simple and very addictive. Be sure to buy good fruit and the best chocolate you can. And take the time you need to pat the pineapple as dry as possible before you drizzle.

Mike was so pleased with the bathroom when he arrived home. We didn’t tell him. He got in around midnight and the girls were all still awake because we were just a little excited about the surprise. They retreated to their rooms and I acted completely nonchalant when he went off to brush his teeth. It was a happy surprise after a hard trip. A pretty place to land at home—something I always shoot for.

All this is just in time for Beautycounter’s new Reflect Effect products. I can finally relax in my tub and use these fabulous new “spa items” without spending the whole time looking critically at how ugly the room is. I made some decisions while I worked in there. There were lots of imperfections that are par for the course with old walls. Younger me would have stopped everything and researched how to make them perfect. I would have been frustrated and I probably wouldn’t have finished. New me fixed what was absolutely necessary and incorporated the rest of the imperfections into the plan. Mike has already volunteered to do the ceiling sometime soon. He can reach the ceiling flat on his feet. What Katie and I did with a ladder to reach the top of the wall near the ceiling over the tub would horrify OSHA I’m sure. So there you have it. Things I’ve taken far too long to learn:

It’s okay to have some imperfections. They add character. And it’s okay to ask for help. We all bring different strengths to the situation. You don’t have to do it all alone.

Back to Reflect Effect. Pardon these commercials, but please know they keep the lights on here. Truly. Beautycounter has made Take Up & Read possible this past year, and we have some good things planned for Lent. That means you’ll get another email from me very soon;-). For the next three days, Beautycounter perks members get double product credit on their purchases. You get 20% of what you spend this time to save to spend next time. If you’re not already a Band of Beauty member, these three days are definitely the perfect time to join. All those details are here.

Back to Reflect Effect for real this time. There are two new products. The first is an all-over resurfacing peel for your body. It smoothes away winter dry and dull skin and leaves it feeling and looking soft and glowy. You’ll feel like the heroine in a Hallmark movie; I promise. The second is a favorite from the Christmas gift sets. It’s a finely ground bamboo powder that you can shake into a cleanser to create your own physical exfoliant. I love this! I especially love it after travel or after a long day in the kitchen. It just feels like it gets all the grime. And of course, the dead cells get sloughed off, too, so moisturizer goes on better. And makeup (if you choose it—I almost never do lately) smooths on better, stays on better, and reflects healthier skin.

When you purchase Beautycounter through my links, you help me show up for my ministry. I’ve spent the last year sinking considerable time (and money) into furthering my education so that I can bring that back to women who are devoting their lives to answering God’s call. I have so many plans for meeting you where you are and journeying with you! I’ll tuck a pretty new tube of good, clean lip balm in my pocket for the journey. Maybe you can, too?

(If you want a really good look at the bathroom, including some in-process shots that give you an idea of how far we came, and more details on how to make it a spa, I made some video here.)

I have a new view from the tub, and I don’t hate it!

From the first trip of the new year....

Hi, there!

Happy New Year!

I am currently on a plane heading west to Las Vegas. My husband and I are going out to visit our son, who moved there a couple months ago. It’s a big trip that has been much anticipated. In 2019 and early 2020, Mike worked out in Vegas supervising the building of the ESPN studio where Christian is employed today. He commuted from our home in Virginia to Vegas weekly, and every week he told me how gracious the people were out there and how they’d all said repeatedly that he should bring his wife on one of those trips and they would take good care of us. Then, the world sort of stopped spinning and we moved to Connecticut, and he started a new job. Nearly three years later, we’re on our way to Vegas to take the long-postponed trip.

It's been a fruitful new year so far. Last fall, I made some significant decisions towards my health and towards future ministry. First, I committed to an in-depth life coaching course at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. After some big health events in summer 2022, it was time to coach myself into a better way of being and to learn a little about coaching others along the way. It’s a year-long course, and I’m so glad I took the plunge.

Because I’m a voracious learner, and I need to constantly feed my brain, I also decided to enroll in a professional chef certification course. I have no desire whatsoever to work in a restaurant or to be a caterer. But I want to know what they know. And boy, howdy, is this one teaching me some things! I’m hoping to invite folks into my kitchen, both literally and virtually, and share the love of good food and conversation.

I’m so glad to be studying. I love listening to lectures. School just makes me happy. I think I was a little stuck, a little unsure where the arc of my story was headed. Then, one day last fall, sitting in the dentist office waiting for a teen to finish up, something just clicked into place. I’m writing my story. I get to decide where the arc is headed. I get to make the story as interesting or repetitive as I want. I get frame to the details. I don’t have control of a lot things in the story, of course, but I know the protagonist. She is me. And I want her to respond the way all good heroes do in stories. I want her to be kind and brave and smart and good. (And my little side hustle would whisper: make her beautiful, too.)

A lot of significant things have happened in the last three years; many of them over which I had little control. Some of those things were terrible by any metric, and it was easy to fall into the role of the victim instead of the heroine. But I did and I do have control over how I respond to those things. I’ve mourned and brooded and thrown a few pity parties. I’ve also prayed and given thanks and resolved to get up and try again. I want to do more of what the heroine does and less of what the victim does. Seems like if we are the ones who write our stories, we should be bold with the character development of the person we know best. Ourselves.

All these classes have yielded a very observable result in our family. We’re eating way more plants. The more I know about the gut microbiome (I took a course on that, too), the more persuaded I am that that is where the magic of good health is found. We know that the more diverse the microbiome is, the healthier it is. The key to that diversity is an abundance of the plant foods that feed the beneficial biota. Towards the goal of a healthy gut (and a resulting happier, healthier us), we have resolved as a family to try to eat at least 30 different plants a week. That’s far more than 30 servings of fruits and vegetables. It’s at least one serving of 30 unique plants. We’ve been hitting the mark pretty consistently, each of us in our own bio-individual way.

a little foodie inspiration from dinner last night after we landed

The other ruling principle in the kitchen is that I plan for at least one serving of beans in everyone’s meal line up every day. Keeping variety in mind, I do mix it up from day to day. Some days we’re dipping into hummus; some days I’m packing pesto chickpeas in Mike’s lunchbox. But every week, on Taco Tuesday, I make one big pot of beans. Sometimes, they’re red beans, sometimes they’re pinto beans, sometimes, they’re black beans. Then, those beans find their way into all sorts of things, all week long. As the price of eggs creeps higher and cheese and meat aren’t too far behind, I’m wondering at the timing of the allergy diagnoses that pushed me into cooking without eggs or dairy or wheat. My $3.00 bag of organic beans is looking like a lottery win! Hang with me until the end. I’ve shared a recipe.

About that *beautiful* heroine part.

Your support of my Beautycounter business has allowed the ministry of Take Up & Read to make plans for some stretching and growing in the next year. I’m really excited about that! I never imagined being a Beautycounter consultant (or any consultant, for that matter). But God’s provision does tickle me. It’s such a joy to talk to people about good-for-them products that make them feel beautiful.

For this trip to Vegas, because I have no idea what to expect, I way over-packed my “beauty bag.” I know I’ll have some downtime in the hotel, and I packed all the things that would make for a nice spa facial.

I have a little jar of Reflect Effect AHA mask from one of the holiday sets. That’s the perfect place to start. This mask is a wonder to me. Ten minutes and my face feels noticeably softer and smoother. There’s something about it that just feels nurturing. I’ll only use it once while we’re there. I’ve given you a link to the full-sized jar. It lasts forever as long as you remember to screw the lid on;-). I also packed some bamboo polish from a Christmas set. There’s no link for that because they’re all sold out, but a little birdie told me we’ll be talking about this wonder-product again in February;-)

On the regular, I’ll use my Countertime regimen with a few other friends thrown in. I packed the Countertime carry-on set. The bottles are plastic, lightweight, and refillable. If you’ve ever wondered what all the Beautycounter fuss was about. This is the way to find out.

I also packed All Bright C Serum for every day brightness, and some priming serum. I really don’t know what’s in store, but I sense the days will be long; priming serum means that makeup goes on smoothly and it stays put. Truth be told, when I left the house this morning, after washing my face, I used All Bright C Serum, followed by priming serum. Then, I put one of our beautiful new lip balms on my lips (Plush was the color, I think), and I swiped a little of it on my cheeks, too. All set. That’s probably enough for any day, but I packed the whole makeup shebang.

Usually, I just leave that Countertime travel set, some C serum, and a Flawless in Five in my travel bag. Then I don’t really have to pack at all. It’s there, ready and waiting. My kids are scattered all over. My mother is in Florida, and can’t come to me. We seem to be traveling a lot. It’s nice to just leave it packed. This time, though, I added the eyeshadow palette from the holiday sets and a couple lipsticks and some mattifying powder and a whole bunch of brushes.

I also probably packed way too many clothes. We shall see. I’ll let you know when I know what all we’re doing out there!

I’ll be back with another newsletter before the Super Bowl. I’ve got some ideas for party foods. In the meantime, here’s my favorite black bean recipe. I had no idea that the Instant Pot means that you don’t have to soak the beans in advance. Game changer!

·       1 lb dry black beans rinsed

·       6 cups water

·       1/4 cup dry white wine

·       1/2 cup tomato sauce

·       1 sweet yellow onion finely diced

·       5 garlic cloves finely minced

·       1 or 2 chipotle peppers in adobe sauce, finely minced

·       1 green green bell pepper

·       2 tsp cumin

·       2 tsp oregano

·       1 TBS maple syrup (optional)

·       salt and pepper to taste

INSTRUCTIONS

1.         Add the black beans to the instant pot along with the water and green bell pepper. 

2.         Press the "pressure cook" function on your instant pot and select 25 minutes. 

3.         When the 25 minutes are up, do a natural release. When the pin in the lid drops down, safely open the lid. Press the "saute" function and let the beans cook uncovered while you prepare the veggies.

4.         Add some oil to a small skillet on the stovetop and let it heat over medium-high heat.

5.         Add the onions and cook for 3-4 minutes or until translucent. Then stir in the garlic and cook for an additional 20 seconds. Add the tomato sauce and chipotle peppers and cook for an additional minute.  Add the onion, garlic, and tomato mixture to the instant pot along with the wine, oregano, cumin, salt, pepper, and maple syrup. 

6.         Continue cooking while stirring occasionally until the beans are nice and thick, about 20 minutes.

Enjoy! These keep well, covered tightly in the refrigerator, for up to a week.

Looking back, looking forward

The days between Christmas and the new year are some of my favorite days every year. There is a hush after the flurry of activity and excitement. The pace slows if I allow it to, and there is time for sitting and pondering, for recollection and quiet conversation. I resist the urge to create more excitement or to be more “productive.” Body, mind, and spirit all need to do the work of regeneration and repair that come with genuine rest.

Of course, there is the call to make plans, to set goals, to firmly resolve in the face of a new calendar year. This can be a call worth answering if one answers with a spirit of calm curiosity. Where is the Lord leading? What is his desire for your well-being? Look on the year past with compassion. Notice the ways you’ve grown. Look at all the ways you’ve made progress in relationships. Let yourself look back for a few moments, being gentle as you examine what went right and what was a grand opportunity to learn. Congratulate yourself on doing the hard work that is necessary in the teachable moments life presented.

And if — in the quiet contemplation — you notice something about yourself that you wish to change, ask yourself why that habit persists. Read the rest here, please.

My Beautycounter business is the sole sponsor here. I beg you to consider that writing is a livelihood and a ministry. It takes some money to create content. I can do this here (and elsewhere) if you treat yourself to SOME PRETTY GREAT LIP GLOSS and A NEW WAY TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR FACE. Please be patient with these thoughtful “ads” for self-care that truly brings beauty to life. If you’re new to Beautycounter, please us the code CLEANFORALL20 on your first order for 20% off. and if you already know how great the products are THERE'S AN AMAZING SALE HAPPENING NOW. Lots of fan favorites up to 65% off. It’s a great time to stock up. I’m so grateful for your support as I write and create and encourage.

Do you trust me?

As I approach my 35th wedding anniversary, which will fall just days after my third son gets married, my thoughts keep turning to the miracle of marriage. I mean, what’s the chance that two people can make a commitment decision for a lifetime that involves so much sacrifice and learning and growing on both parts and have it all work out? It’s astonishing, really, that anyone takes the leap and that so many people are very happy they did, even decades later.

Perhaps there is no greater moment of vulnerability than the one when one person asks another to marry. Will you have me? All of me? Forever? Would you do that? Take that chance? Sign up for that kind of service? Do you trust me?

That’s it.

Do you trust me?

Do you trust me to love you well, even though I’m just learning to love, and even though learning to love well takes a lifetime? Do you trust me to be honest with you, to let you know the real me, without guile or manipulation?

Can I trust you? Can I trust you to love me, even when I’m so very far from perfect? Can I trust you to be honest with me, to really speak the truth in love, with love?

To make marriage work, you have to be willing to be honest with one another — really, truly honest. I always thought I was honest. I abhor lying. But what I missed as a young bride and over several years is that it’s not truthful to swallow hard and never “make a fuss” when the situation actually calls for an honest reckoning. A beautiful thing about marriage is that we help one another to holiness. This doesn’t always mean that we are made holy by gritting our teeth and bearing one another’s faults with silent determination to never make a fuss. Sometimes, it means that we grow in virtue by having difficult conversations and challenging one another to stretch toward sanctity. For a person who wants to please people, it’s challenging to be honest when conflict arises, to override the drive to avoid conflict at all costs. But there is growth in the conflict, when the conversation happens in truth, with kindness and compassion.

To be honest during conflict is to honor one another. It is to affirm that the other is neither too proud nor too stubborn nor too unwilling to want to grow and change. Honest conversation can yield good fruit. People pleasing denies you both the opportunity to become better human beings and holier souls.

Conflict can be scary. It requires vulnerability. It calls you to ask the question again and again and to affirm the answer just as often. Will you have me? With all my imperfections and my fears and my baggage? Will you hear me and seek to understand me and still have me? Will you listen, and together can we discern how and where to change and grow?

Can we expand our capacity to love and in so doing become more and more the people God created us to be?

Do you trust me?

On Flowers, and Filler, and Making Life Meaningful

My son got married last weekend. My daughters and I kicked off the wedding weekend with a trip to Trader Joe’s to fill a cart with flowers. Katie, who is almost 20, said that filling a cart with cut flowers is a bucket list item for her. They were all giddy with the errand, to be honest. From there, we went to the rehearsal dinner venue to decorate. Sarah folded gingham napkins and tucked handwritten place cards and favors inside. Katie and I created 25 Mason jar bouquets. My 8-year-old granddaughter, Lucy, asked to help. So, as we worked, Katie offered the fine points of flower arranging.

First, she told her niece, you need a focal flower — something big to anchor the whole thing. Then, some medium sized blooms will provide color and interest and set the shape of the bouquet. Finally, fill in with the light and airy stems of green or dainty flowers. Those can move a bit and remind people that the flowers are real and alive.

Lucy caught on quickly, and she made some lovely arrangements of her own. As we worked, and I took in the enormity of the weekend, I pondered Katie’s instructions. I’ve often heard the analogy that life is like a jar of rocks. You put the big stones in first. Then, you add smaller stones and pebbles. Then, you can pour sand in the crevices. The idea is that if you make sure that the important things in life take priority, you will have the time and space for the smaller, less important things. But the flower tutorial hit this mother of the groom a bit differently.

As we raise our children, we hope that we are focusing on the big things, that the focal flowers are fresh and sturdy and able to stay lovely for the life of the arrangement. We want them to know faith comes first, and then family a close second. We tuck in pops of color that are a thoughtful and well-rounded education. And then, there are the other things — the filler. Soccer came to mind immediately in this child’s case. He’s the boy I always share with a laugh when I hear people say disparagingly, “Why do parents spend so much time and energy on youth sports? It’s not like they’re going to get scholarships to college or play on the National Team.”

Well, actually… This kid played on the U-17 US National Team before he went to the University of Virginia, and managed to squeeze out both bachelor and master degrees on his four-year scholarship. This boy’s filler pieces — the baby’s breath and gomphrena and statice — were hearty and long-lasting and they gave definition to his childhood, despite being “just the filler.” The whole expression of the bouquet changes when the filler changes.

Be careful as you choose your filler this fall. As you ponder opportunities for your kids outside the classroom, be mindful of the ways that the filler will demand something of you — your money, your attention, space on your calendar. If you say “yes,” to something, let it be an enthusiastic yes. Don’t say yes at all if you’re going to grumble and complain about what it requires of you. At the same time, don’t be afraid to tinker with the composition of your bouquet. That anchor flower stays the same. But you can play with the others. No school decision is set in stone. And certainly, no extracurricular decision is irrevocable. The beautiful thing about floral arrangements is that no one is exactly like another, and every one can be extraordinarily lovely. Let’s let this autumn be filled with utterly lovely, well-composed bouquets.

Beautycounter right now

 As I revive my blog and make this newsletter a regular occurrence, I have had some decisions to make. Instagram keeps changing its algorithm. Every time it twists in the wind, I am reminded of how I don’t want to be held captive to its capriciousness. I also don’t want a blog that is full of pop-ups and blinking ads and recipes that require you to read my life story before you know how much meat to defrost.

So, the plan is for my Beautycounter business to be the sole sponsor here. I ask you to consider that writing is a livelihood and it’s a ministry. It takes some money to create content. I can do this here if you treat yourself to some pretty great lip balm and a new way to take care of your face. Please be patient with these thoughtful “ads” for a self-care line that truly brings beauty to life. If you’re new to Beautycounter, please use the code CLEANFORALL30 on your first order for 30% off. It’s only good through the end of September. And if you already know how great the products are, there's super quick sale happening now. Almost everything is between 15% and 25% off until Saturday. It’s a great time to stock up. I’m so grateful for your support as I write and create and encourage.