Daybook during Musical Week

Outside My Window

Our Mary garden is outside the window over the sink. The peonies were a bust this year, but everything else seems to be coming on strong: astilbe, echinacea, phlox, lupines, assorted other flowers I’m sure I’ve forgotten, and an abundance of mint!

Last night, while walking in the very back of the garden, we discovered that our cherry trees are full of cherries! This is a first. We’ve never noticed fruit on these trees. We lost several trees back there to the water issues. It’s nice that these two are flourishing.

I am so Grateful for

Opportunities for my children to be surrounded by holy examples who live the faith day in and day out without exception or compromise.

I'm Pondering

 “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” —Anna Quindlen

I am Reading:

The Anatomy of Anxiety. This is my second time through. I’m incorporating some of the things articulated here in the new, improved Take Up & Be Well series, launching later this summer.

And I just finished Tara Road by Maeve Binchy. What strikes me after reading over a dozen British and Irish novels this year is the preponderance of male characters who have mistresses as a matter of course and who think setting up two families is a thing civilized people do.

And Grow Your Own Medicine as I dig deep (pardon the pun) into herbal remedies and plant some new medicinal herbs with intention.

so many children and costumes and moving pieces—and yet it’s not chaotic

I am Thinking

As I watch younger moms juggle babies and toddlers and big kids and try to be all the things for all of them, I want to assure them that it gets easier. But I can’t.

I don’t.

Because I don’t think it does get easier. It gets different. In a lot of ways, it gets more challenging. It’s as if all the challenges of the younger years are designed to get you fit for the ones to come.

I was talking to an older mom yesterday about the choice we make to be peaceful with the way things turned out or to be bitter. For some people, it is easy to be at peace. For others, the choice is the crucible where holiness is forged.

I am Creating:

Skincare. I’m still on a quest to replace my favorite Beautycounter products and to share with you, but one of my daughters-in-law offhandedly commented that we could all just use my healing salve when we run out of Beautycounter. I haven’t really run out of anything yet, and I do plan to use it all because wasting it to jump to something new seems silly. But, I’m a big fan of facial oils and those are all nearly gone, so I’m playing with some things I think will nicely fill my desire for a rich, aromatic oil that will be good for my skin and 100% pure. I’ll let you know how it goes. (I don’t have any notion of selling this, by the way. But I’ll be happy to provide a recipe if I can get it right.)

Late edit: Karoline confessed this morning that her tears yesterday morning were prompted by pumping her Soft Cream bottle and getting… nothing. It’s not so much about the product—though that appears to be irreplaceable—it’s the era we had loving these things together. Then again, I think we’re learning detachment together, so there is that.

Incidentally, these are great for getting every last drop out of the bottle.

In my ear:

I recently listened to The CBD Bible as I seek to update my herbal medicine knowledge base. With the passage of the 2018 Farm Bill, hemp became a legal option to add to the herbal wellness repertoire. Of course, most of us were super wary because hemp is associated with marijuana, and weed gets you high—today’s weed can get you pretty serious paranoia, too. No one hates THC (the psychoactive agent in marijuana) more than I do. But CBD--from the flower of the hemp plant specially bred for optimizing CBD and minimizing THC to non-discernible levels—looks like it can be a viable option in an alternative medicine repertoire, particularly when it comes to plain, sleep, and anxious feelings. The industry is like the Wild West, though. If we thought the personal care and cosmetic business was unregulated, the business of hemp is even crazier. But the research is fascinating, and I’m learning a lot. Not quite ready with links and recommendations yet, but pretty close.

Towards a Real Education:

These are the days which are the happiest of my girls’ school year. We spend all day, every day for two weeks in the company of 150+ other happy Catholics creating a beautiful musical performance. We’ve been blessed with plenty of fresh air and sunshine and the space is filled with song. What more could we want?

Towards Rhythm and Beauty

My “job” during these weeks is to spend my days tending the gorgeous shop on the property. I move between indoors and outdoor displays. There are shelves upon shelves of really good books. And there are art and jewelry and lovely gifts. I’m surrounded by beauty indoors and out. If I work at it just a little, I can persuade myself that this is a retreat.

Late edit: My job this morning was to supervise the installation of a porta-potty. So I guess it’s not all beauty and loveliness. (Though it IS a very nice porta-potty.)

To Live the Liturgy

Last month, I spent some time with my friend Kate in Virginia. Among so many other things, we talked about the Sacred Heart. Kate has had a devotion to the Sacred Heart for as long as I’ve known her. It’s a devotion I came to late. Kate sent me home with an image to enthrone in my house. It’s dear and precious because she gave it to me, and it’s compelling in part because of her witness to the graciousness of his heart, especially for the suffering.

I am Hoping and Praying

Someone I love as if he were my sixth son is facing some formidable health challenges this summer. He has a tremendous struggle in front of him and a steep hill to climb back to health. In your mercy, please pray for him.

In the Garden

All the dahlias are in and we’re beginning to see sprouts. I’m going to be endlessly delighted this summer as the tubers I saved from last year continue to grow. In years past, I followed all the careful storage instructions. I cleaned them and divided them and stored them in vermiculite in a not-too-hot, not-too-cold trying-to-be-perfect environment. They rotted or they withered. This year, I dug them up, left them dirty in a wheelbarrow and forgot about them in the garage. When it came time to plant, I looked for tubers that had sprouts, didn’t divide much, and stuck them in the ground. So far, they’re doing beautifully!

Also, my cilantro is looking lush. I could never get cilantro to grow in Virginia.

costuming in the backyard

hair and makeup by the pool

Around the House

I have not been home much, so I’m trying to hustle in the mornings and evenings to keep up with laundry and dusting—always dusting. When a house doesn’t have central heating and cooling, it also doesn’t have central filtration. So all that dust settles all the time. That’s why old houses are dusty even if they have “new” people cleaning ferociously. It’s going to be a quick scramble before we head out on Friday to be sure all the beds are reset and we’re ready for the influx of big siblings here to see the show. It’s fun to fill it up. So fun.  

From the Kitchen

This is my favorite thing to bring to a party as a dip. It’s also my absolute favorite pasta sauce. It’s summer in a bowl. Celebrate the first of the tomatoes: Make it early and often.  

Popping Tomatoes and Warm Feta Pasta

INGREDIENTS

• 4 cups cherry or grape tomatoes (multi-colored is nice)

• 1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil

• 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar

• 2 teaspoons honey

• 6 cloves garlic, sliced very thinly

• 1 tablespoon lemon zest

• 2 tablespoons Trader Joe’s Soffritto seasoning blend (It’s a spice blend of crispy onions, sun-dried tomatoes, sea salt, garlic, red peppers, chili flakes, parsley, rosemary, and sage.)

• 16 ounces feta cheese, cubed

• 1/2 cup fresh basil

• 1 pound dried linguine

TO DO:

1. Put a pot of water on to boil for the pasta. And then cook the pasta.

2. Preheat the oven to 450° F.

3. In a baking dish, combine the tomatoes, olive oil, vinegar, honey, lemon, and soffritto seasoning, and garlic. Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until the tomatoes begin to burst and the oil is sizzling.

4. Meanwhile, cube the feta cheese and arrange it in a shallow serving bowl. Lightly crumble half of the feta cubes.

5. Spoon the warm tomatoes and oil over the feta. Season with additional sea salt and black pepper.

6. Ladle 3/4 cup of the pasta water into the bowl.

7. Drain the pasta, and add it to the sauce mixture. Toss.

8. Garnish lavishly with fresh basil.

*Note: If you stop after step five, you can serve this as a dip with crusty bread and call it all good. It works beautifully for a party dip.

Feeding tugboat the donkey during rehearsal, as one does.

One of My Favorite Things

Merit makeup. Yes, it’s true. My girls have finally worn me down, and we’ve tried some Merit products. They are quite nice! I still have plenty of Beautycounter, with the exception of brow gel. I like Merit’s brow gel and mascara better than Beautycounter’s . But what I really love is the blush in the shade Beverly Hills. It’s truly the perfect shade for me. So even thought I have Beautycounter blush, I find myself reaching for the Merit blush—and loving it more than I thought possible.  Also, I’ve notice that my Merit lipstick in Ginger has disappeared. I also noticed it’s the perfect shade for Sarah;-).

I’ve always been a makeup minimalist, even more so in the summer. Lately, I’m skipping foundation altogether and using blush, mascara, and lip gloss only some days—when the feeling strikes. I admit to really loving the simplicity.

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week

It’s all about the play this week. Siblings will visit. We’ll have late-night cast parties that segue into Father’s Day celebrations. And then, on Monday, there will be a day devoted to striking the set and cleaning it all up.

And then, her junior year will really be over and my sweet Karoline will be a senior.

Picture thoughts: all the pictures this week are from the place where we have our play.

Let's Do a Daybook!

Outside my window There is a glorious old Horse Chestnut tree. It blooms around Memorial Day every year, so it was in bloom the first weekend we came to the house. The view from my bedroom window is so pretty. The wavy glass only makes it dreamier.

The view from inside that I see most often these days is through the French doors in the room we call “The Balcony Room.” As much as I’d love to, I can’t work outside, but with both these doors flung open, it’s pretty close. This room is bright and cheerful and very small. It was a dressing room when we moved in—with its own closet and two doors to the hallway. I moved a small drop-down desk in there. It serves as a bedside table for guests, but I shuffle it around the room depending on the light for my own use. There is only one outlet, so sometimes I’m creative with things requiring electricity. The breeze keeps the room fairly cool and stirs the air so that it doesn’t feel too sticky, despite the lack of air conditioning. All in all, it’s a good way to feel as if one is outside when actually she is at her desk.

I am so Grateful for

Local friends. I worried about friends when we moved. And I worried about the church. Mostly, people told me to worry. Turns out, we have lovely friends and we enjoy them so much. There are good, strong shoulders to lean on and holy people with which to do life. 

I'm Pondering

I was quiet, but I was not blind.

― Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

I am Reading:

I have fallen deep into the well that is Rosamunde Pilcher. I mentioned this on Instagram a few weeks ago and discovered I’m not the only one. I read The Shell Seekers first and it’s my favorite so far. I have 14 hours left in Coming Home. It's a significant commitment because it’s more than 40 hours! I put it aside for a while just a few hours in because of a scene I found really troubling. A friend who had read it and was confident I would feel decent resolution persuaded me to push on, and I’m so glad I did.

I am Thinking

That very few things in life turn out the way we thought they would. It’s all a surprise—sometimes small diversions from the path you thought you’d be on, sometimes large plot twists. I can’t imagine navigating these without faith. All the more reason to do whatever we can to help our children embrace faith for themselves. 

I am Creating:

I’m working on a Lent booklet, the kind you find for free in the back of the church on Ash Wednesday. I just finished writing, and I’m glad. It’s always a little disorienting to be writing outside the current liturgical season.

In my ear:

In the spirit of Charlotte Mason, I have three books going: The Nature Fix, Wordsworth, and Coming Home. The Nature Fix is fascinating science about why nature makes us healthier and more creative. Ironically, it’s compelling me to not listen to something on Audible every time I walk. 

Towards a Real Education:

As the term comes to an end, I’m as busy as the next mom with all things May and early June. But I have a sense of poignancy that I can’t seem to shake. Our homeschool co-op graduation was at the end of last week—the last one before it’s our turn. With every graduation, the class holds kids I’m genuinely sorry to see leave. This one is no different. And I watch Karoline. She was bereft last year when a whole gang of her closest friends left for colleges flung far and wide. This year, it’s her go-to best bud, the boy who could be counted on to cheer her up and stir out of her melancholy. He will be going very far away, indeed. Her own class is very small. But we will keep busy doing all those things that we said we’d always do, but somehow never go to. This is our last year to do them—the last chance.

In my ear:

In the spirit of Charlotte Mason, I have three books going: The Nature Fix (free with an Audible membership), Wordsworth, and Coming Home. The Nature Fix is fascinating science about why nature makes us healthier and more creative. Ironically, it’s compelling me to not listen to something on Audible every time I walk. 

I love to walk this way in the morning

Towards Rhythm and Beauty

Rhythm is evading me here at the end of spring, on the brink of summer. Our grown kids are coming in spurts. And for some reason, I seem to never know when. I keep telling myself we’ll settle in, and the we don’t. The first two weeks of June are dedicated to all-day, every day rehearsals for the June musical. There will be rhythm imposed for sure.

To Live the Liturgy

For some reason, our parish always brings in the Mary statue only for the month of May. It’s a lovely statute and I’m so glad she’s there! I’ll be sorry to see her go.

I am Hoping and Praying

My prayers are unceasing. One thing we discussed in the Take Up Membership last month is how telling our prayers are. The thing you pray for incessantly? It’s often the thing you’re holding tightly, failing to surrender. Now, I’m just praying for the grace to surrender and for an infusion of hope.

In the Garden

My whole backyard is a garden—it’s truly an Enlgish garden come to life here in New England. In the spring, it requires an enormous amount of work. My husband is doing most of it. Hours and hours of labor to eradicate the weeds and shore up the plants and get rid of debris. and then there is the extensive system of elaborate drains that just went in. Hopefully, we won’t live on lakefront property this summer the way we did last year.

It’s just beginning to look amazing. The roses, in particular, are beautiful this time of year.

One caveat to keep it real: the peonies in my garden were kind of disappointing this year. Very few buds, and not many blooms at all. Does anyone know why?

Around the House

I finally finished the big blanket switch. This house is very old and not very well insulated at all. In the winter, we pile on the blankets. In the summer—in the absence of air-conditioning—the beds get a very light touch: the crispest of sheets, the lightest of coverlets. And then we look for space in closets and under the beds for all those bulky blankets.

From the Kitchen

This week and next, I will be out of the house all day, every day. Thankfully, Nick and katie are both in town this week, so they are trading off dinner duty. We’ll eat well and get to try some new recipes. So fun.

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week

Nick came in on Friday. I am so happy he is here. I know this summer is his last hurrah! He begins a “real job” in September, and there will be no more long holidays in the summer and at Christmas. It’s a thought I don’t let myself think about too long. We’ve been apart so much these last four years; it’s hard to imagine seeing even less of him. He’s come a long way from the boy who refused to do algebra (and much else) his junior year of high school. Despite formidable health struggles, he graduated in three years and collected a Master’s degree in accounting this month. Not bad for the boy who shunned math.

Here’s what’s happening this month in the membership community. Join us here. It won’t be the same without you.

hydrangeas loading

One of My Favorite Things

Walks at sunrise. Whatever the weather, I’m out there. First I take one dog, then the other. If the third appears and begs to go when I get back with the second, I take him, also. I cannot manage more than one at a time. And that last one always gets me to run! I live on a busy street, and the sound of traffic is a nearly constant drone. But in the earliest morning, just as the sun comes up, it’s quieter. The air smells sweet. You can literally smell the flowers on the breeze! It’s such a lovely neighborhood. The daffodils gave way to tulips. Just as the tulips faded, it was time for lilacs and rhododendrons. And now, the peonies and roses are budding, with a few early blooms promising what is next. I can see hydrangeas beginning to leaf out, tiny green buds suggesting that summer won’t be without color. Springtime in New England is definitely one of my favorite things.

A Picture Thought

the view from my church across the soccer field to the cemetery and the river just beyond

A Daybook As Lent Begins

Outside my window:  It’s a muddy mess. Usually, February in Connecticut is a beautiful world of black and white. The snow falls in December and it stays, a fresh blanket every week or so ensuring that any melting and mud is covered again in pristine white. Not this year. It hasn’t snowed and stayed at all, really. But it has rained, and when it’s not raining, it’s cloudy and gray, so the ground stays wet. Add a few dogs, and you have a muddy mess out there.

Listening to: Quiet. It’s before dawn as I write. An occasional car or truck rumbles by outside on Main Street, but mostly, I just hear the hum of the radiator.

Clothing myself in: Flannel pjs, a sweatshirt, warm socks, and a Chappy Wrap, currently. Three winters in, and we still haven’t figured out the trick to keeping this house warm.

Talking with my children about these books: Atomic Habits. We’ve slid into some sloppy time “un-management” around here. I love this book for its clarity and its simplicity. Life is really the sum of all the small things you do every day. Those things should be intentional. Lent is a good time to reset, to remember that life here is short and eternity is long, and to live accordingly. Make it matter. Atomic Habits is a secular book, but the conversations around it here in my home are infused with faith.

In my own reading: From Strength to Strength. I listened to the author, Arthur C. Brooks on the Rich Roll podcast, and then I took a deeper dive into the book. His premise is that we all have two seasons of strength. Here’s what the publisher writes:

Many of us assume that the more successful we are, the less susceptible we become to the sense of professional and social irrelevance that often accompanies aging. But the truth is, the greater our achievements and our attachment to them, the more we notice our decline, and the more painful it is when it occurs. 

What can we do, starting now, to make our older years a time of happiness, purpose, and yes, success? 

At the height of his career at the age of 50, Arthur Brooks embarked on a seven-year journey to discover how to transform his future from one of disappointment over waning abilities into an opportunity for progress. From Strength to Strength is the result, a practical roadmap for the rest of your life. 

Drawing on social science, philosophy, biography, theology, and eastern wisdom, as well as dozens of interviews with everyday men and women, Brooks shows us that true life success is well within our reach. By refocusing on certain priorities and habits that anyone can learn, such as deep wisdom, detachment from empty rewards, connection and service to others, and spiritual progress, we can set ourselves up for increased happiness. 

Note to moms who have spent the last two decades or more raising big families: your “achievements” may not be “professional,” but it is very likely that your attachments to them and the way your identity is tied to them is profound. “Decline” is a little different for you, but the shift is even more pronounced, I think. He's pretty blunt in the beginning about that “decline,” and I admit I bristled a bit, but the refocus is definitely worth pondering and acting upon. The author has a personal friendship with the Dalai Lama so he’s very open to eastern thought, but he is a professed devout Catholic. His ability to extract truth and apply it to a western, Christian mindset is quite profound. Lots to think on here.

Thinking and thinking: About how it’s all turning out. The last three years have been so unexpected, so not a part of any of my 10-year plans, that I have had a bit of emotional whiplash. I feel things deeply and intensely and processing it all has been exhausting. With my father’s death came an abrupt disruption of my relationship with my stepmother that I never saw coming. (Given my lifelong attachment to fairy tales and Jane Austen, perhaps I should have seen it coming…) With our move to Connecticut, every rhythm of every meaningful relationship has changed. It’s a lot. I’m just now acknowledging how much it has been to process, and I’m coaching myself to be kind and merciful—to myself.

Pondering: “Our thoughts determine our whole life. If our thoughts are destructive, we will have no peace. If they are quiet, meek, and simple, our life will be the same, and we will have peace within us. It will radiate from us and influence all beings around us.” From Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives.

Carefully Cultivating Rhythm: Rhythm has been rocked lately. I’ve been on more airplanes in the past three months than in the first twenty-five years of adulthood. It’s hard to have rhythm in a household with three teen girls when you’re leaving them all the time. This is one of the challenges of my current season. I want to be here, to do meaningful and important things with the girls, and to pour everything I have into these last few years of mothering in my own home. I also want to travel to see the boys who have moved away, to spend time with my husband, and to tend to my aging mother. I’m pulled in several directions (literally). It feels a lot like it did when I had a baby and a full-time job. I had a crushing, overwhelming sense that it was going to be impossible to do both well. And back then, I don’t think I recognized that marriage, too, needs careful, constant, intentional tending.

We have to find a rhythm here. I am intensely uncomfortable when I can’t find the beat.

Creating By Hand:  Food! I’m taking a course this year to be certified as a Whole Foods Plant Based chef. I have zero aspirations to work in a restaurant or to cater big events (unless you count family dinners when they all come home). But this very complete course is something I’ve wanted to do with the girls for a long time. It’s thorough and fascinating and holds such vital life skills. We’re shopping and cooking together, and it’s good.

Learning lessons in: Holding grief and joy together. Our trips away in the past month have been stark illustrations of something I’ve been grappling with for the past couple years. I think I always conceptualized life as a novel. There would be a slow I introduction to a struggle or problem, then the messy middle where the good guy (or girl) wrestles it all out, then the resolution, and everlasting peace and happiness. That’s simplistic, to be sure, but the truth is, I’m sort of surprised by how much grief is interspersed with the good things, and by the fact that just when you think you might have resolved a certain struggle or worked through a sorrow, another appears or the same one reveals that it will persist forever. The real lesson there, of course, is that grief and joy can and do co-exist. One actual tragedy after another have conditioned me to look over my shoulder during the good times and watch out for the next crushing blow. I’m trying to change that mindset and to ask myself, “What if it's Wonderful?” I’ve linked the book by that title. It’s been very helpful with this shift in perspective.

Keeping house: I pulled awful, dingy wallpaper down in our master bathroom and gave some banged up cabinets a fresh coat of paint. It’s not the renovation Mike and I talked about. But it didn’t cost the $100,000 the contractor quoted either. And boy, did it ever make me a believer in the power of a can of paint!

 To be fit and happy: I’ve been nursing a couple injuries lately. In late October, I literally fell flat on my face. I have the dent and the scar in my forehead to remember it by always. It feels like that probably needs a post of its own. And then, I’ve been trying to rehab a persistent hip injury. So, things have been a bit slower than usual on the workout front. I’m easing back into these from Revelation Wellness, though.

Giving thanks: For some time with Patrick and Lexi last weekend. We flew to Chicago, picked up Patrick and his wife there, and drove with them to Michigan for a funeral. Then, we drove back to Chicago and flew home. I think we were gone about 36 hours. But those hours with my people truly filled me up. I dearly loved Uncle Mac, who was 95 when he died, and I will miss him (grief). I could not have asked for a better unexpected trip than one that included seeing Paddy’s and Lexi’s first home together and spending eight hours in the car, just the four of us (joy).

Living the Liturgy: We have some really good plans in place for Take Up & Read this Lent. You can see a little preview here.

I like to start the week with a fridge clean out. it inspires the week’s meals.

Planning for the week ahead: I’m cleaning out the refrigerator this morning, just as soon as I close the laptop. I’ll be prepping for our traditional Waffles and Andouille Sausage dinner for Fat Tuesday, and then for the meatless meals this week brings. (Take Up and Read members: Look for recipes in your inbox or on the member site.) I’m thinking about maybe reaching out to some local friends and doing a little series of cooking lessons this Lent…

Then again, I should probably just focus on what is already “on my plate.” We shall see.

Today is the last day of the Beautycounter gift-with-purchase promotion. As I explained in this post, Beautycounter has made the plans for the future of Take Up & Read possible. As a thank you, I want to add my own gift to the gift with purchase. If you spend $125 using my link between now and Ash Wednesday, you will receive a month of free membership at Take Up & Read. We’d love to have you join us for Lent.

First Daybook in a Decade?

Outside My Window

There is a Mary garden outside the window over my sink that is truly in its glory now. I love watching it change throughout the summer. Phlox is showing particularly strong this morning. Some bare spots remind me that I was going to add lavender this year. I wonder if it’s too late.

I am Listening to

The washing machine do its thing. I’ve gotten into a good habit of washing early and hanging as much as I can to dry outside. Our “laundry room” is not air conditioned and it’s also our hall bathroom upstairs. It gets outrageously hot in there when we run the dryer. Because our house is so old, none of the appliances that were here when we got here are energy efficient. I used to think “energy efficient” was a marketing ploy. Now I understand otherwise.

I am Wearing

A T-shirt from Revelation Wellness and denim shorts. My hair is in braids pulled back with a headband. These are hot days that call for much hair taming… Somehow, braids have become my default. when I catch my reflection, I either think to myself Laura Ingalls Wilder or Hippie Grandmother depending on how far I am from the mirror.

I am so Grateful for

all the care and effort and hard work my husband has put into our backyard this summer. Goodness! It’s a labor of love!

I'm Pondering

The second problem I see is overscheduling. Most mothers I see allow their kids' schedules to get completely out of control. Evenings and weekends are spent racing from one music or athletic event to another. I know because I made the same mistake when my kids were young. If this is a struggle for you, simplify life for everyone by adopting the "One Rule." Tell each child he may choose one after-school activity per grading period. This sounds outrageous to some parents who want their kids to excel in many different areas and who most certainly don't want to deprive opportunities. But remember one thing: Whenever your child is on the soccer field, he's deprived of time with you and the family. And which does he really need more time with in order to grow up emotionally and mentally sound?

Cutting activities from a child's schedule seems heretical for a modern-day parent. Let's face it, we are competitive with the parents in our child's class and it's hard to be home watching the other kids' parents pulling out of the driveway on their way to ski practice while you and your kids are sitting down at the kitchen table to tuna noodle casserole. But whenever you neighbor takes off with a car full of kids at dinnertime, remember that you and your kids are the real winners. You aren't doing nothing with them; you are building stronger relationships with them. And kids need better relationships more than they need more practice at any sport or extracurricular activity. They will never regret time at home

 10 Habits of Happy Mothers

Really taking this to heart as I look at the season ahead. We generally adhere to the One Rule, but it's nice to see it in print. The first year we were here was The Year the World Shut Down. We were always home, and it was good in many ways as we adapted to the huge change in our lives. Then, we found people! And those people are good and life-giving. I’m beyond grateful for them.

But I’m cautious. I can see the tug back towards over-busyness. I can see how now that we don’t have a One Thing to which we are committed the way we were previously committed to soccer and dance (a Very Big Way), there is the real possibility of being sucked away by half a dozen little things of good intent. I’m guarding against that.

I am Reading

I just finished listening through the entire Mitford series over again on Audible. The link is to the first in the series. What wonderful characters and lovely stories! I miss those folks already. Mitford is comfort reading for me. It’s entertaining and it doesn’t stress me out with plots that cause anxiety. I am at ease when I read because there’s enough predictability that I’m allowed to relax. I love how faith is woven throughout every ordinary day. … Also, John McDonough, who narrates most of them, is absolutely magnificent!

I am Creating

a pillow for a ring bearer. I have my doubts about said ring bearer actually carrying it down the aisle when Paddy gets married at the end of August, but it will coordinate nicely with the flower girl dresses, and someone will no doubt get the rings where they need to go;-)

Coming through my AirPods:

After my Mitford blitz, I started bingeing on sourdough baking podcasts. It’s not as abrupt a shift as it might seem. Mitford is a small town and people there grow gardens and cook from scratch and share with their neighbors. I’m inspired by living, breathing, growing hospitality as a way of life. Given my choice, I’d live on a few acres and have chickens and a milk cow and share from a giant vegetable garden. In reality, I mostly just share flowers. But sourdough is a living breathing thing and it will produce food we can both eat and share. So I’m starting there.

Towards a Real Education

We have begun to plan. News forthcoming. 

To Live the Liturgy...

The simplest way I know to live the liturgy is to go to daily Mass. It’s that simple, but I know it’s not always easy. Sometimes simple things are actually quite difficult to pull off. These days I am grateful for the great gift of walking to daily Mass. It has transformed my life.

I’m praying

For Patrick and Lexi in this final month before their wedding. They get married on the Feast of St. Monica. Mike and I have been asking especially for her intercession. We’re joyfully looking forward to a happy celebration in Charlottesville.

Also: For a boy I’ve loved his whole life. Please pray for comfort and consolation and the compassion of those close to him.

 In the Garden

We saw our first dahlia bloom two days ago. I’m a little reserved this year. Nothing seems to be blooming as prolifically as last year. Last year was super wet—too wet, I think. We had so many mosquitoes! This year is very dry and quite hot for New England. I don’t think the flowers are as happy as last year’s flowers were.

Around the House

Last winter and spring, we renovated our kitchen. Well, I had big ideas and made some substrate and paint choices. Other people actually renovated. It was a huge job. The walls and floors were peeled back to the studs. All the knob and tube wiring (original electricity from when electricity in homes first became available) was replaced. Floors were leveled. Ceilings were squared. The space was opened up. We added working outlets all around and a range that actually cooks! It’s amazing and I’m so incredibly happy with it.

It’s not air conditioned, however, so I am having to exercise some restraint when it comes to the oven. With 18th-century low ceilings and without any climate control in the room, that oven can make kitchen work pretty unbearable. So I’m adapting recipes and curtailing my enthusiasm for baking all the things!

From the Kitchen 

Speaking of the kitchen, we’ve taken a deep dive into the world of sourdough. Katie has spearheaded our experience and our education. She’s had some moderate successes with bread. She knocked it out of the park with homemade sourdough pasta topped with a light crab sauce. It was outrageously good and has earned itself a place on the Christmas Eve menu already. Bonus: no oven needed.

I’ve also been really loving creating tiny skillet breakfasts. We have a small oven next to our large oven on the range. It only takes a few moments to bake a couple eggs on a skillet, and they’re so darn cute they make me happy. I got the skillets here.

One of My Favorite Things

First light. I love the very early morning in my backyard with my puppy. It’s just such a good way to begin the day. .

A Few Plans for the Week

We are looking forward to a neighborhood gathering that has been two years in the making. Mike and I absolutely love our next door neighbors. They’ve been hoping to host an informal gathering at their house for old neighbors to get to know new neighbors. Covid circumvented neighborliness for a long time. We got to those folks right next to us really well. This weekend, they are going to introduce us to the rest of the neighborhood.

Then, next week, I”m hoping for several days of getting back on track after a bumpy July that was disrupted by illnesses and anaphylaxis. At the end of the week, I think maybe the bride and groom will be here for a brief weekend. Everything has to fall in to place, though, so we shall see.

Beautycounter right now

 As I revive my blog and make this newsletter a regular occurrence, I have had some decisions to make. Instagram keeps changing its algorithm. Every time it twists in the wind, I am reminded of how I don’t want to be held captive to its capriciousness. I also don’t want a blog that is full of pop-ups and blinking ads and recipes that require you to read my life story before you know how much meat to defrost.

So, the plan is for my Beautycounter business to be the sole sponsor here. I ask you to consider that writing is a livelihood and it’s a ministry. It takes some money to create content. I can do this here if you treat yourself to some pretty great lip balm and a new way to take care of your face. Please be patient with these thoughtful “ads” for a self-care line that truly brings beauty to life. If you’re new to Beautycounter, please use the code CLEANFORALL30 on your first order for 30% off. And check out these minis as a great way to try some good products without buying a full-size item. I’m so grateful for your support as I write and create and encourage.

Retrospective Pondering

I wrote this Daybook on Saturday, offline, leaving just a few things to fill in once I had Internet. I pretty much didn't have Internet until now, back at home. So, bear with my cobbled together chronology of comments, please:-). Also, Katie used my big camera and took pictures all week, but they're very stuck somewhere between camera and here, so, you get iPhone shots...

Outside my window:  Crepe myrtle and hydrangeas in yards and around big porches, all on the way to the seashore. It’s mighty beautiful outside my window this week.

Listening to: Silence. Absolute silence, except for the occasional street noises and the whir of the ceiling fan. It is Saturday as I begin journaling here and we are in Bethany Beach. My girls have gone to the convention center in Ocean City with my friend Nicole, to watch her daughter dance. Since none of mine are dancing today, I opted to stay behind: to walk, to read, to write, to rest, and to have dinner ready when they get home. The quality and white space in my planner are both so strange to me right now....

Clothing myself in: Capris t-shirt, running shoes. I desperately need a shower. The heat index is around 100. I’ve already taken three walks for a total of 8 miles today. If I shower, I won’t walk again until we walk to church. If I don’t, I might squeeze one more in before everyone gets home…

Pondering:

He said, “There’s a sermon of John Donne’s I have often had cause to remember during my lifetime. He says, Other men’s crosses are not my crosses. We all have our own cross to carry and one is all most of us are able to bear. How much do you owe him, Vicky?

I replied slowly, “I don’t think of it in terms of owing, like paying a debt. The thing is—he needs me.

 “Grandfather looked away from me and out to sea, and when he spoke, it was as though he spoke to himself. “The obligations of normal human kindness – chesed, as the Hebrew has it – that we all owe. But there’s a kind of vanity in thinking you can nurse the world. There’s a kind of vanity in goodness.”

I could hardly believe my ears. “But aren’t we supposed to be good?”

“I’m not sure.” Grandfather’s voice was heavy. “I do know that we’re not good, and there’s a lot of truth to the saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” 

--Madeleine L’Engle, Ring of Endless Light

Carefully Cultivating Rhythm: We sat yesterday evening--Nicole and I and our five girls, with planners and highlighted pages all spread out--and we worked together to understand where we needed to be this week for this competition and how we’d manage time, meals, housekeeping duties, and the myriad of costumes. I feel like we have really good rhythm. We’ve done these competitions together so many times now that the familiarity is our friend. Also, we are staying in the home of a mutual friend, and we are surrounded by gracious loveliness that makes this all so much better.

Creating By Hand:  This week, sewing will be limited to costume repair. Cooking is a little creative, but I’m not making anything that isn’t well-tested and already favorited. So, true creativity, if it happens, will happen with words, I think.

I might be finding my words again. I’d like that. I’ve missed them. 

[Real time edit: I do have words. Turns out, though, that I didn't even have time, place, or utilities to upload these words, so all the others are still stuck in my head. Next week. Maybe...]

Three books going

On my kindle: Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way. Since I feel like I could write a book on this topic and I’m exhausted by the mere idea of it, I’m really glad that Shauna Niequist did. I love her work and I’m looking forward to her new book. This is the only one I have not read, so I snatched it up when I saw the good Kindle deal.  

In my earbuds: I actually have two going in my earbuds right now. Emily suggested A Ring of Endless Light and it was the perfect length for our trip to and from the beach. Despite the fact that I knew it was the story of a family awaiting their grandfather’s death, I took a chance. Turns out, that wasn’t really a good idea. The subject matter of the book is handled in a way that is too mature for my girls to listen to collectively. I persevered through over an hour until a young man confided that he’d attempted suicide.  Then I clicked out before we went any further. Definitely not a good idea for the gathered audience right now.

However, it’s a really, really powerful book. I returned to it privately the next morning for the first of my morning walks. I’m immersed in a big way and it’s hard not to binge. I haven’t finished yet, but I think it might rank above A Grief Observed in ranking of books to read when grieving. Perhaps more accessible, certainly very useful with teenagers…

[Real time edit: I listened to the whole book while walking at the beach (and in the convention center, actually mostly in the convention center) and this book vaulted to my top five forever favorite books. I ordered the paperback version on Sunday and had it shipped to the beach house for Mary Beth, who dislike audiobooks.]

When I finish, I still have The House at Riverton going. Love that. [Finished that one, too, and started listening to Simply Tuesday again because it was already in my phone and I was walking. I like it even better the second time around.]

In my hands: I’m re-reading Colleen’s new book (reviewed in detail, here) I read it the first time using a digital advanced copy. It’s nice to hold it in my hands and meander through and mark it up. This one will be a classic in our household, which means I will require the reading of it…

Learning lessons in: Ah. I’m not quite sure really. But I think the Madeleine L’Engle quote above is the short form of the lesson I most need to learn. Last year, I think I picked up some crosses that aren’t mine to carry. I’ve grown so accustomed to the weight of them on my shoulders, and I’ve so adjusted my gait to compensate for their heaviness, that I’m finding it tricky to put them down. But I really need to learn how to do it.

Encouraging learning in: reading. Just reading. My girls are reading so much this summer. I feel sorry for Karoline, whose cast is making it hard for her to go or do anything with her sisters and friends, but I also see the silver lining. This will be the summer she learned how to find a friend in a book. That will serve her well forever.

She left her non-digital books at home this week and I didn't want her to take a Kindle to the convention center. Since she can't dance, she's got loads of down time alone. So, I walked to a bookstore on the beach and spent a pretty enchanted hour finding books for her. Kristin's mom is an elementary school teacher and she recommended a couple authors last week. I found them there in that sweet bookstore and brought them back for Kari. So she's got Walk Two Moons and Because of Winn-Dixie for the week. And that hour in that beautiful bookstore? I loved that hour so much!

Keeping house:  It’s always easier to keep house at the beach, isn’t it?

Crafting in the kitchen: I did some cooking ahead of time and did a whole lot of grocery shopping, so meals will come together easily. Last night, we had farm stand corn on the cob and tomato fresh from a nearby vine and potatoes crisped with olive oil. (Oh, and they had hamburgers, too, I guess, but I didn’t miss them;-)

To be fit and happy:  I’m walking and walking and walking and walking. Sometimes I run, but not often. The convention center is big and sprawling and I'm taking every opportunity to walk, both inside and out. [Real time edit: My fitbit tells me I've taken 128,768 steps in the last seven days. That's about 51 miles. Good week.]

Giving thanks: for Nicole. I know what a rare gift it is to have a friend who can live through the worst of weeks with you and then, the next year, agree without hesitation to enter into whatever might come, in the exact same place at the same time of year, even knowing that anniversary reaction is a very real thing and I’m just the one to have it…  

In the company of a friend, good memories are being made in a place where once the bad ones dominated my mind.

Living the Liturgy: Sarah Annie celebrates her name day this week. The church here at the beach is called St. Ann’s and they do make a fuss. Last year, we were here as the novena began. This year, we’ll be here when it ends. And there will be ice cream.

Planning for the week ahead:  Sometime next week, I think I'll see my husband again. Mike and I are in a stage of big family parenting that is very intense and very hands on. I'm betting that the preceding sentence will cause eyebrows to rise on foreheads of folks with five under ten. Yes, dear friends, you, too are also in an intense, hands-on period. Parenting teenagers is a different kind of hands-on and a different kind of intense. We've had to divide and conquer because they need us, but they are no longer gathered most of the time under our roof--all together. So, between his work travel and our kid travel, we keep missing each other. And our morning conversations look a little like this.