A Daybook As Lent Begins

Outside my window:  It’s a muddy mess. Usually, February in Connecticut is a beautiful world of black and white. The snow falls in December and it stays, a fresh blanket every week or so ensuring that any melting and mud is covered again in pristine white. Not this year. It hasn’t snowed and stayed at all, really. But it has rained, and when it’s not raining, it’s cloudy and gray, so the ground stays wet. Add a few dogs, and you have a muddy mess out there.

Listening to: Quiet. It’s before dawn as I write. An occasional car or truck rumbles by outside on Main Street, but mostly, I just hear the hum of the radiator.

Clothing myself in: Flannel pjs, a sweatshirt, warm socks, and a Chappy Wrap, currently. Three winters in, and we still haven’t figured out the trick to keeping this house warm.

Talking with my children about these books: Atomic Habits. We’ve slid into some sloppy time “un-management” around here. I love this book for its clarity and its simplicity. Life is really the sum of all the small things you do every day. Those things should be intentional. Lent is a good time to reset, to remember that life here is short and eternity is long, and to live accordingly. Make it matter. Atomic Habits is a secular book, but the conversations around it here in my home are infused with faith.

In my own reading: From Strength to Strength. I listened to the author, Arthur C. Brooks on the Rich Roll podcast, and then I took a deeper dive into the book. His premise is that we all have two seasons of strength. Here’s what the publisher writes:

Many of us assume that the more successful we are, the less susceptible we become to the sense of professional and social irrelevance that often accompanies aging. But the truth is, the greater our achievements and our attachment to them, the more we notice our decline, and the more painful it is when it occurs. 

What can we do, starting now, to make our older years a time of happiness, purpose, and yes, success? 

At the height of his career at the age of 50, Arthur Brooks embarked on a seven-year journey to discover how to transform his future from one of disappointment over waning abilities into an opportunity for progress. From Strength to Strength is the result, a practical roadmap for the rest of your life. 

Drawing on social science, philosophy, biography, theology, and eastern wisdom, as well as dozens of interviews with everyday men and women, Brooks shows us that true life success is well within our reach. By refocusing on certain priorities and habits that anyone can learn, such as deep wisdom, detachment from empty rewards, connection and service to others, and spiritual progress, we can set ourselves up for increased happiness. 

Note to moms who have spent the last two decades or more raising big families: your “achievements” may not be “professional,” but it is very likely that your attachments to them and the way your identity is tied to them is profound. “Decline” is a little different for you, but the shift is even more pronounced, I think. He's pretty blunt in the beginning about that “decline,” and I admit I bristled a bit, but the refocus is definitely worth pondering and acting upon. The author has a personal friendship with the Dalai Lama so he’s very open to eastern thought, but he is a professed devout Catholic. His ability to extract truth and apply it to a western, Christian mindset is quite profound. Lots to think on here.

Thinking and thinking: About how it’s all turning out. The last three years have been so unexpected, so not a part of any of my 10-year plans, that I have had a bit of emotional whiplash. I feel things deeply and intensely and processing it all has been exhausting. With my father’s death came an abrupt disruption of my relationship with my stepmother that I never saw coming. (Given my lifelong attachment to fairy tales and Jane Austen, perhaps I should have seen it coming…) With our move to Connecticut, every rhythm of every meaningful relationship has changed. It’s a lot. I’m just now acknowledging how much it has been to process, and I’m coaching myself to be kind and merciful—to myself.

Pondering: “Our thoughts determine our whole life. If our thoughts are destructive, we will have no peace. If they are quiet, meek, and simple, our life will be the same, and we will have peace within us. It will radiate from us and influence all beings around us.” From Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives.

Carefully Cultivating Rhythm: Rhythm has been rocked lately. I’ve been on more airplanes in the past three months than in the first twenty-five years of adulthood. It’s hard to have rhythm in a household with three teen girls when you’re leaving them all the time. This is one of the challenges of my current season. I want to be here, to do meaningful and important things with the girls, and to pour everything I have into these last few years of mothering in my own home. I also want to travel to see the boys who have moved away, to spend time with my husband, and to tend to my aging mother. I’m pulled in several directions (literally). It feels a lot like it did when I had a baby and a full-time job. I had a crushing, overwhelming sense that it was going to be impossible to do both well. And back then, I don’t think I recognized that marriage, too, needs careful, constant, intentional tending.

We have to find a rhythm here. I am intensely uncomfortable when I can’t find the beat.

Creating By Hand:  Food! I’m taking a course this year to be certified as a Whole Foods Plant Based chef. I have zero aspirations to work in a restaurant or to cater big events (unless you count family dinners when they all come home). But this very complete course is something I’ve wanted to do with the girls for a long time. It’s thorough and fascinating and holds such vital life skills. We’re shopping and cooking together, and it’s good.

Learning lessons in: Holding grief and joy together. Our trips away in the past month have been stark illustrations of something I’ve been grappling with for the past couple years. I think I always conceptualized life as a novel. There would be a slow I introduction to a struggle or problem, then the messy middle where the good guy (or girl) wrestles it all out, then the resolution, and everlasting peace and happiness. That’s simplistic, to be sure, but the truth is, I’m sort of surprised by how much grief is interspersed with the good things, and by the fact that just when you think you might have resolved a certain struggle or worked through a sorrow, another appears or the same one reveals that it will persist forever. The real lesson there, of course, is that grief and joy can and do co-exist. One actual tragedy after another have conditioned me to look over my shoulder during the good times and watch out for the next crushing blow. I’m trying to change that mindset and to ask myself, “What if it's Wonderful?” I’ve linked the book by that title. It’s been very helpful with this shift in perspective.

Keeping house: I pulled awful, dingy wallpaper down in our master bathroom and gave some banged up cabinets a fresh coat of paint. It’s not the renovation Mike and I talked about. But it didn’t cost the $100,000 the contractor quoted either. And boy, did it ever make me a believer in the power of a can of paint!

 To be fit and happy: I’ve been nursing a couple injuries lately. In late October, I literally fell flat on my face. I have the dent and the scar in my forehead to remember it by always. It feels like that probably needs a post of its own. And then, I’ve been trying to rehab a persistent hip injury. So, things have been a bit slower than usual on the workout front. I’m easing back into these from Revelation Wellness, though.

Giving thanks: For some time with Patrick and Lexi last weekend. We flew to Chicago, picked up Patrick and his wife there, and drove with them to Michigan for a funeral. Then, we drove back to Chicago and flew home. I think we were gone about 36 hours. But those hours with my people truly filled me up. I dearly loved Uncle Mac, who was 95 when he died, and I will miss him (grief). I could not have asked for a better unexpected trip than one that included seeing Paddy’s and Lexi’s first home together and spending eight hours in the car, just the four of us (joy).

Living the Liturgy: We have some really good plans in place for Take Up & Read this Lent. You can see a little preview here.

I like to start the week with a fridge clean out. it inspires the week’s meals.

Planning for the week ahead: I’m cleaning out the refrigerator this morning, just as soon as I close the laptop. I’ll be prepping for our traditional Waffles and Andouille Sausage dinner for Fat Tuesday, and then for the meatless meals this week brings. (Take Up and Read members: Look for recipes in your inbox or on the member site.) I’m thinking about maybe reaching out to some local friends and doing a little series of cooking lessons this Lent…

Then again, I should probably just focus on what is already “on my plate.” We shall see.

Today is the last day of the Beautycounter gift-with-purchase promotion. As I explained in this post, Beautycounter has made the plans for the future of Take Up & Read possible. As a thank you, I want to add my own gift to the gift with purchase. If you spend $125 using my link between now and Ash Wednesday, you will receive a month of free membership at Take Up & Read. We’d love to have you join us for Lent.