Gathering my Thoughts

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I find myself:

::noticing God's glory

We are in the midst of one of the infamous wintry mix storms so familiar to this region. Right now, ice is coating everything. My fervent hope is that I can get some pictures before the whole things turn to cold rain.

::listening to 

Ice falling hard and fast against the house.  

::clothing myself in 

A sweatshirt and sweatpants. Schools have been closed for the day. That might just mean I have no where to go unless I choose to go to the gym later this afternoon. And that might just mean I'll wear sweats all day long. 

::talking with my children about these books

Snow books. Poor Sarah was absolutley traumatized by My Brother Loved Snowflakes . Bentley dies of pneumonia. Mary Beth has had pneumonia this winter. Just a little too much for my sensitive four-year-old to process.

::thinking and thinking

about renewal. It's been a long time since I've intentionally taken care of my body. I tend to push myself to the absolute outer limits of endurance, but not in a good way. This January, at Mike's insistence, I've really been paying attention to exercise and relaxation and sleep. Still don't have the nutrition thing nailed down, but the rest is coming together. Now, I see just how merciless I've been to myself.

::pondering prayerfully

"Remember the precept that St. John the Evangelist used to give to his disciples: “Love one another.” Since it is not a mere exhortation, but a command, it would be sinful to do otherwise. Therefore, do away with insults, quarrels, envy, revenge, mockery, or bad will. Be good to one another. This will prove that you love each other like brothers."

- Don Bosco

The feast of St. John Bosco is January 31. There is a treasure trove of great information and resources here.

::carefully cultivating rhythm

Schools are closed today, but not here. I remind my children that all those January long weekends for teacher workdays and the random snow days easily add up to a week in the woods in April when the bluebells bloom and everyone else is stuck inside. Now, if we were to get significant snow, I could persuaded to call a snow day .

::creating by hand

I really must tackle those nightgowns anew this week. And hustle along with knitting plans for Easter sweaters, because they're not moving nearly as quickly as the shrugs did two years ago. All my projects seem to be for Katie and they all seem stuck at the yoke. Hmmm...

::learning lessons in

teenagers. I am not a quick study, but I do think I'm making progress. 

::encouraging learning 

This week we'll begin our study of Matthew. I'm really looking forward to doing this study with my kids and I think they're pretty enthusiastic, too.

We've also been meandering down the Alphabet Path. Last week, H was for "heart" and we did some tweaking to the Valentine plan.

::begging prayers

for all the intentions of our prayer community. Also, Elizabeth DeHority is facing a formidable struggle this week as she battles an opportunistic infection. Her bone marrow is utterly depleted and her body has very little with which to fight.

::keeping house

Up this week: Reorganizing the linen closet (It's been a long time since it looked like this, but I have photographic evidence that it once did, so I'm motivated). Also,  the storage room in the basement is in need again. Last time I did, it was a big emotional epiphany. I don't have time for epiphanies this week. I just want to clean it up. 

::crafting in the kitchen 

Christian took over my kitchen several times last week. He made New England clam chowder that was met with deep sighs of approval,  an amazing dinner of grilled chicken, creamed spinach and mashed potatoes, and then a raspberry chocolate cheesecake. He's got some impressive skills. He's got absolutely no desire to cook according to anyone's dietary limitations;-).

For my part, a friend challenged me to eat a salad every day. Nicholas took it a bit further and asked if I could somehow turn their dinner meals into salads for myself. I played with my food a bit last week and it was fun. I'll share it here on Wednesday, I think.

::loving the moments

When I have a chance to catch up with a friend. My friend Barbara joined me to watch Stephen and Nicky play basketball on Saturday and we had a whole hour to just sit and chat. And Colleen called from Costa Rica on Sunday and we had absolutely the best phone connection we've ever had.

Patrick was there for the basketball game, too, and he brought a friend home from school with him. It was nice to have them in the stands and I know the "little brothers" loved it.

::giving thanks 

for safe travels. Patrick came home last weeked. Christian drove down to Charlottesville and back in the snow without incident. And Mike was gone last week, but traveled home from Miami safely last night and is tucked up in bed while the sky rains ice.

living the liturgy

We are preparing for Candlemas. Candles. I do love what they do for our home.

Ginny and I sat down a couple of weeks ago and sketched out some plans for celebrating the rhythm of the Church year with our families. We're really looking forward to bringing those plans to life and our kids are, too! 

::planning for the week ahead

Pretty mellow week, I think. I have a hunch that a popcorn ball nibble did some bad things to a tooth, so there is likely to be some dental visits in my future. Other than that, it's just some lovely "normal" and a visit from friends on Wednesday to do some candle crafting.

Oh, and Stephen turns fourteen on Friday. I'm not a huge fan of fourteen, but I think Stephen is just the guy to change my perception;-) He's on board to take on the challenge of re-branding fourteen.

Joy

Joy. Pink, sparkly letters glint the word from my mantel.They’ve been there since Gaudete Sunday and they will remain there through January. Joy. That Christmas morning joy. I want to hold it, keep it, live it  well past the last few notes of “We Three Kings.”

 

Christmas is exhausting. Who’s with me here? Moms? There’s so much heart and soul and effort and energy poured into the tastes and treasures and traditions of the holiday. Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of the soul-gift we are  given.  But when the afternoon light is bouncing off the ornaments and bits of paper and ribbon remain in the corner beneath the tree and I have a moment to sit and be still in the quiet giddiness that comes after Christmas morning, I know joy. I hold it close, examine it carefully, tell myself not to forget.

And then, there is the after-Christmas. This year, in our family, the days after Christmas were filled with even more joy. Our first child was married and the weekend was filled with light, song, and utter delight at the blooming of God’s love. To be married in the octave of Christmas, on the Feast of the Holy Family-- of course that is joy.

 

The happy couple got away for a few days and then returned home to establish their new family in a new household. Meanwhile, back in my household, we prepared to take Patrick to college for the first time. He went a semester early and his leaving caught us a bit by surprise.  He’s bursting with enthusiasm for the adventure. I’m watching bedrooms empty in my home with astonishing speed and helping the children left behind to understand that love in not bound by time or space.

And then there’s the flu. It came to visit, too. Virginia, it’s not Christmas any more.

If it’s genuine joy though, can it be lost? In the tired and the cold and the mundane of the post-holiday days, do we really lose joy?

St. Francis of Assisi wrote “When spiritual joy fills hearts, the Serpent throws off his deadly poison in vain. The devils cannot harm the servant of Christ when they see he is filled with holy joy.” When Christmas fills us, when the Baby truly enters us and stays there, even January is joy.

Mothers, especially, are guardians of joy. Whether we intend to or not, we set the tone in our households. I watch my children carefully and I see the serpents circling. What to do? How to fill their hearts with spiritual joy and banish the serpents from my home? Blessed Mother Teresa gently reminds me that “Joy is infectious; therefore, always be full of joy.” Later, she says, “Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. A joyful heart is the inevitable result of a heart burning with love. “ It begins with me. I must fill myself with joy so that it spills into every crevice of my home.

Joy is the Small Steps virtue for January. This January, I'm resolved to teach it, to share, to live it together.

New year’s resolution? To fill heart and soul to overflowing with Jesus so that joy is contagious. To listen to Him daily in the Word. To thank Him always, affirming that He is the font of all blessings and that He is even God over adversity. To trust in His sovereignty and willfully make Him lord of all. To worship Him daily in the Mass. To gratefully take Him into myself in Communion. And to remain in constant conversation. Contagious Christmas Joy. All year ‘round.

Part one here.

Auld Lang Syne

    

    I almost didn't do it. I debated and debated, wrestled in my mind and spent a ridiculous amount of time wondering what they would think. Proper enough? Stylish enough? Fancy enough? What would they think?

    In the end, I went for it. TOMS for the wedding just seemed like the perfect thing to do. The girls really wanted to do it. The bride was on board. We could buy five pairs of TOMS for us and then TOMS would give five pairs of shoes to children in need. Honestly, it was the most liberating decision I made. I worried a lot about money over the last four months. We spent a lot of money the last four months. But this money? This was money well spent. My girls love these shoes. They were comfortable and adorable on Saturday. The girls and I will wear them all the time until we wear them out. And they looked just perfectly us. Even better, TOMS gave us a way to give even as we were clothing ourselves. Days later, every time I see sparkling little feet, my heart skips for joy.

    I've made a lot of decisions in the last year. We renovated our house. We helped plan a wedding. We took a trip. All of those things were out of my comfort zone. We did big, big things. And there were old voices in my head all the while. Voices that raise objections to the choices I've made. A house full of noisy, messy children. A giant van and a really old car. School at home. A handmade life. I cared too much about what the voices thought, about approval, about appreciation.

    A life woven around liturgy, every single day. It looked so different to them, so odd, so unimportant. They didn't say it right out loud, but I knew they were talking. I cared about what they thought, even as I deliberately chose a very different path. I could hear the voices. Voices that contradict the life I've chosen. Voices that care way too much about the way things look and not nearly enough about the way things really are.

    They're quiet now. I choose not to listen ever again.

    I've slipped my feet into a pair of TOMS (I didn't wear them for the wedding, preferring a very pretty pair of gold heels, but I did wear them until moments before and immediately after) and I've walked away from a legacy of mirages and facades. 

    Never have I been so sure of Sacrament as I was whilst kneeling in prayer as Ave Maria was sung after communion at the Nuptial Mass. Never have I been so sure that this life of faith--the one that found us and the one we've pursued--is so well worth the effort it takes to live it in the current culture. Never have I been so sure that being true to my own soul, to making decisions that match the vision my Maker has of me, is how to be truly joyful, in happy times and in times when sadness envelopes me. 

God's plan is not the plan that has been trumpeted by those voices all these years.     They sound like cheap tin horns now.

    God's plan is voiced in a quiet whisper on a way-too-early morning while cradling a croupy toddler. And God's plan is voiced in a glorious, triumphant shout on an afternoon in the octave of Christmas in a breathtaking church.

    God's voice is the steady, guiding cadence of the liturgy, day in and day out. It is in the words of the Mass, every single carefully crafted one of them. 

    It is the very Word that breathed life into our souls and the only genuine breath of life. His voice is peace and that peace is mine.

Photo credit: lorielizabethphotography.com

Wedding Moments on a Monday

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So many moments I want to remember. Not for a second can I begin to  capture them here. I think I've hesitated to put words to the moments because I'm quite sure I can't adequately express my heart. So, let's just try to catch a few moments.

::This was a small, intimate wedding.  Of all my girlfriends, only two were there. They came with their cameras and they offered us the gift of their art. Forever, we will remember the wedding through their eyes. For me, I know I entrusted wedding memories to kindred spirits who know my heart. That's a rare treasure. Several years ago, a photographer named Lori asked if I'd like her to take pictures in the bluebells. I hesitated, because those woods are so very special and personal to our family. I couldn't fathom a photoshoot there. Mike encouraged me to jump at the chance. All through that beautiful day in the woods, Lori kept saying, "You have to meet my friend Ginny. You two--you're a lot alike." I met Ginny in those same woods a couple years later. And our friendship has grown into a treasure of my heart. The gift of these pictures is just the beginning. The gift of their understanding was priceless.

::Mary Beth was terribly sick the week before the wedding. So many of my logistical plans hinged on her. At the last moment, Kristin suggested we invite Mary Beth's darling friend Molly to be one of the family for the weekend. And Molly--lover of weddings--enthusiastically jumped in. I think that between eleven o'clock Friday evening and the march down the aisle Saturday, Molly spent eight hours curling hair. She was sweet and gracious and wonderful and willing to do anything to make the day fairytale perfect. Girlfriends. They're the best.

::Seven minutes before I was to walk down the aisle, Patrick knocked on the Bride's Room door. He insisted that Michael needed to see me immediately. Fighting panic, I practically sprinted across the back of the church to the sacristy. I looked at all the people gathered and briefly wondered if the groom had cold feet. I ducked inside and Michael held a small, tissue-wrapped package. "Kristin and I don't want you to cry. But we thought you should have this before the wedding." Inside, was a handkerchief embroidered with the familiar words of a bedtime story I've read a million times in the last 24 years. They were the words my children have sung at bedtime into Mike's voicemail when he is away. When I first read Love You Forever, I thought it was creepy. What mother picks up grown sons when they are sleeping to rock them? Totally weird. As my boys have grown though, I've understood the message. Mothers never stop wanting to make the world safe, to keep their babies close and ensure they know they're loved. Never. When my friend Jan saw a picture of the handkerchief, she said, "Nothing could have made you happier." She is so right.

::All weekend long, I got text messages and emails and sweet notes from girlfriends who were holding me in prayer. Never have I seen the Holy Spirit and the communion of saints so visibly. Not a one was hurt that they weren't there. They understood. And then they prayed.

::There was moment before the girls walked down the aisle that I think has escaped everyone's camera. Just outside the sacristy door, my five boys gathered themselves into a huddle. I'm not sure what all was said. I hear that Michael told Paddy how much he appreciated the latter's decision to forego earrings on this day. What else? I don't know. I just know that the sight of them there filled my heart to its fullest and made my husband's eyes spill over. Patrick's girlfriend Hilary was sitting next to us. I caught her eye. We looked at Mike. And the three of us shared the moment. One day, God willing, I will be very old. My memory will fail. I dearly hope that someone will remind me of that moment. I never want to forget.

::The plan for the recessional was for me to take Sarah's hand and Mike to take Karoline's hand and my arm and then for the four of us to walk down the aisle. Karoline escaped Mike and skipped all the way down the aisle. Oh, yes she did. And she caught the spirt of our joy as she always does.

::This was a handmade wedding. The flowers were a gift of love from Kristin's roommate. Kristin sewed her own veil and upcycled her rehearsal dinner dress from a vintage wedding dress. We had a wedding favor party in my kitchen on Nutcracker weekend and assembled darling gifts for guests. The cake was the creation and gift of Megan Kampa, one of Michael's childhood friends and homeschooling buddies. It was carried into the reception hall by their friend Billy, now a marine. Hours and hours of love went into the details. And hours and hours of love are still being poured into the photographs. Handmade. Heartfelt. So good. (Lots of those pictures are on Instagram @heartofmyhome or you can click the camera icon on the sidebar.)

::I thoroughly enjoyed the little chats I had with Kristin's friends and relatives. Small weddings are truly wonderful for making meaningful connections. I don't think I've ever known a more thoughtful bride.

::Nicholas gave a toast that brought the house down. It was so good that the wait staff in the room left to go get the rest of the staff to come hear the twelve-year-old who is now seriously contemplating a career as a stand-up comic. He'd have to take his ghostwriter with him. Christian, no doubt, is a gifted speechwriter. Genius was the word I heard more than once.

::Hilary caught the bouquet. Everyone--everyone--was ever so glad. Perfect. Just perfect.

::Michael swept Karoline up to dance Sweet Caroline. Not a dry eye in the house. 

::At the end of the evening, after Ginny and Lori had headed home, Michael played the song that Mike had chosen for our first dance twenty-five years ago. My husband held me close and I could not take my eyes off his face. I just kept saying, "We did this. We did this." I didn't mean the wedding. I meant something much, much bigger. God. Mike. Me. Together for something big. Mike understood. I'm pretty sure there are no pictures of the dance. I'll never forget, though.

All photos: Ginny, who spent her birthday with my memories.

needle & thREAD

I've been sewing lots and lots lately. Still making window treatments:-). I'm learning that if there's fabric involved, it doesn't take me long to get to my happy place. I'm also learning that sewing is even better with friends. My friend Cari has been here often to help me with draperies and it's just so nice to wrok together, to have long conversations, and share a passion for fiber arts! We've been trading fabric and yarn and lots of ideas. My project list is growing quite long. (Speaking of project lists, Deborah has some insight to that today. even if you've never sewn and never plan to, this post is a very good read.)

I've also found that I love to teach other people to sew. Since I'm so new at this, those "other people" are mostly children. Last week, Megan's daughter Katie came over for sewing and tea. I helped her create a ribbon-hemmed skirt. This sweet skirt is such a great first project! (Here's a link to a free tutorial.) The results are nearly instantly gratifying. She sewed so well and was such a dear little sponge. 

When Megan came to pick  her up, Katie beamed her success. Truly darling. Then, Sarah told Megan that she has three ribbon hemmed skirt and I helped her make them all. Megan asked what Sarah did when she sewed her skirts. "I gave Mommy the pins to put in the skirt. And then she gave them to me to put in the pincushion. She was a big help." Yep. In her darling little brain, she sewed those skirts. And that's all good.

I'm reading Chesterton this year, to celebrate the Year of Faith (more on the plan here). I took a picture of my reading and knitting yesterday to write a Yarn Along post. Then, Cari came to sew and I forgot all about blogging. So, here's my read:

So what's happening out there in needle and thread world? Are you working on Christmas presents? Christmas decorations? Winter jammies? Do tell.  

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