August 01, 2014

Life-changing Books & Super Cute Baby Pants

August 01, 2014/ Elizabeth Foss

Let's see, what have I been reading since last we chatted? I finished The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I still highly recommend the book. I listened through the entire audio version and then ordered the print version so I could actually see all the checklists and surveys. As I listened, I thought about how much of the research and the resutling advice was good for all relationships, not just marriages. So, of course, that meant I had to listen to The Relationship Cure: a 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships. Lots of fascinating stuff here!! I highly recommend this one, too, particularly if you or one of your children has difficulty reading social cues. This book has the potential to unlock a myriad of previously locked doors and to help people deepen important relationships.

One thing about the Gottman books that I wondered incessantly is what impact the internet and smartphones, in particular, would have had on his data. Most of his work predates the ubiquitous smartphone. I went to his website and found some good things there.

Then I dug deeper around the web and found the 99U site and stumbled onto this gem: Manage Your Day-to-Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus, and Sharpen Your Creative Mind. I listened to the audio version of this one, but I ordered the hard version, too. The audio version is just fine, but I am going to insist everyone over 13 in my household read this book and I know for some print is better than audio and for others, audio is the only way. This book is a game changer. A life changer. A this is my guide-to-how-to-function-in-a-world-that-has-drastically-changed-in-the-last-five-years one-of-a-kind kind of book. It's essential. I see it being the most important read the summer before starting college. I see it being the best way to lift oneself out of the deep trench made by bad internet and communication habits that have crept up on mostly all of us. I see it as the roadmap towards identifying both roles and goals and then determing how best to fulfill them.

And after I devoured that, I decided that my new walking habit had most definitely blown the book budget. I walked 198 miles in July. And I read 8 books. Time. Well. Spent. So, instead of getting anything new, I went back into my Audible library and started re-listening to Walking in the World. I thought I'd listened to its precursor, The Artist's Way, but I must have read that one in print. As soon as I finish this one, I'm going to listen to Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project again.

This walking and reading? So, so good. I'll tell you more about the habit on Monday.

I've gotten some sewing done this week, too. I finally stitched together the Quick Change Trousers (from this book) I cut before Lucy was born. Totally cute. I wanted to try them on her as soon as they came off the machine, but Christian thought otherwise.

We've got some other projects going. A blouse from this book that will probably be made in three different sizes before everyone gets the right fit. It's translated from Japanese and I told Kristin we would have been better off buying the Japanese version and asking her grandmother to translate for us. And there are those headbands I cut at the beach that still need stitching. And...we worked on a special project that we'll show you after the gift has been received.

What are you sewing and reading this week? I really do want to hear all about it!

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July 17, 2014

needle & thREAD

July 17, 2014/ Elizabeth Foss

I planned on beach sewing. I packed all the things necessary to have a little creative fun in the sun. Well, actually, not all the things. I left the sewing machine pedal at home. This was very unfortunate on lots of levels. The most minor was that I have some nicely cut headbands that will have to be sewn at home. The most distressing is a costume malfunciton that might just haunt me for years:-(.

But there was plenty of costume handsewing. I've gotten to be expert at repairing fishnet tights while they are being worn (they snag on everything) and I can whipstitch a bodice to a tutu like nobody's business. Psst: I'm really looking forward to sewing with good fabric and making some real clothes in August.

And just in time for that, Fat Quarter Shop is having a Moda sale. 25% off. But hurry. I didn't check my mail until today, so Friday July 18 is the last day. I have a Fat Quarter Shop gift card that my kids gave me for Christmas sitting on my desk at home. I can't reach it until July 19th. So you all buy some Moda and let me live vicariously, okay?

The morning walk routine is going nuts. I've had some pretty horrible insomnia here at the beach. I'd imagined long walks on the beach or along the golf cart path or down the trail that leads to the marina. Those places are very, very dark at 4 AM. So, I've been logging 8,000-10,000 steps around the well-lit parking lot. It's something, right? And it's a great way to get lots of books read. I'm listening to The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I highly recommend the book. It's excellent. I don't recommend the audio version, though. There are lots of checklists and it just doesn't convey very practically on Audible. I poked around the website a bit to see if those lists are available there for audio "readers," and only found one of them online. You can take the quiz to see how well you know your partner here, but that's the only one I see online. If you find something, let me know. I'm happy to be corrected.

Gottman says that his research proves that marriage counseling most often doesn't work because most conflicts aren't solvable in the first place. After just 5 minutes of watching a couple converse, he can predict divorce (or not) with a 91% accuracy rate. That's mighty impressive. What's more impressive is the way he does it. He's nailed down marriages biggest demons. If he sees one of the "four horsemen," he knows the couple is in trouble. Those "horsemen" that escort the demise of relationship? Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

The book is a worthy investment, and not just for newlyweds. There's a great deal to think about there. Here's a little sample, from the website. The top seven ways to improve your marriage:

1. Seek help early.

The average couple waits 6 years before seeking help for relationship problems. (And keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first 7 years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long.

2. Edit yourself.

The happiest couples avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics.

3. Soften your “start up.”

Arguments often “start up” because one partner escalates the conflict by making a critical or contemptuous remark. Bringing up problems gently and without blame works much better.

4. Accept influence from your partner.

Gottman and his colleagues found that a relationship succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. For instance, a woman says, “Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready.” Her husband then replies, “My plans are set, and I’m not changing them.” As you might guess, this guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband’s ability to be influenced by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is crucial – because research shows that women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men. A true partnership only occurs when a husband can do the same thing.

5. Have high standards.

Happy couples have high standards for each other. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. Low levels of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship equals a happier couple down the road.

6. Learn to repair and exit the argument.

Happy couples have learned how to exit an argument, or how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Examples of repair attempts: using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark (“I understand that this is hard for you”); making it clear you’re on common ground (“We’ll tackle this problem together”); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you often have to yield to win); and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way. If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.

7. Focus on the positives.

In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. For example, “We laugh a lot” as opposed to “We never have any fun.” A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make regular deposits to your emotional bank accounts!

What would you put in yourTop 7 Ways to Nurture a Happy Marriage?

What are you sewing and reading this week? I really do want to hear all about it!

Make sure the link you submit is to the URL of your blog post or your specific Flickr photo and not your main blog URL or Flickr Photostream. Please be sure and link to your current

needle and thREAD

post below in the comments, and not a

needle and thREAD

post from a previous week. If you don't have a blog, please post a photo to the

needle & thREAD group at Flickr

Include a link back to this post in your blog post or on your flickr photo page so that others who may want to join the

needle and thREAD

fun can find us!

Feel free to grab a button here

(in one of several colors) so that you can use the button to link

April 17, 2014

Yesterday...

April 17, 2014/ Elizabeth Foss

She played with fabric. I played with my camera. Together, we waited.

I can't help but sit back in awed wonder.

For all of time, we've done this--women gathering.

Sharing stories.

Passing time.

Waiting.

Hoping.

Praying.

And yet with each birth,

it must feel new.

April 10, 2014

Think Upon These Things

April 10, 2014/ Elizabeth Foss

Late last week, I opened a gift of hand-dyed, handspun cashmere yarn. Elizabeth DeHority thought perhaps that I could knit something before Michael's baby arrives. She has always had a ridiculous (and uterly unreasonable) faith in my creative ability. I found the idea preposterous. But I remembered three years ago, when knitting was new to me and miraculously, I knit so many shrugs I might have lost count. So, I cast on. The reality is that my skills haven't progressed much in the last three years and those shrugs might be the only thing in which I have any degree of confidence. another tidbit? I knit most of those shrugs in medical waiting rooms that year. Turns out this year finds me waiting for doctors again. (Patrick is improving; thanks for your sweet concern.) Another pink shrug it is. I love those shrugs and this yarn is extraordinary and knitting is the perfect thing to do while one waits.

Will I finish before the baby girl arrives? I have no earthly idea. I do know that I can sort of see the potential for sitting and knitting and waiting amidst the bluebells in the next couple of weeks and that idea has all kinds of appeal. This waiting is so strange to me--to know that a baby is coming and to have absolutely nothing tangible to do while I wait is sort of crazy. All offers to help nest have been firmly declined. All my usual third trimester go-tos: stocking freezers, cleaning house, assembling baby equipment, long walks, pelvic rocks, packing bags, more pelvic rocks, midwife appointments, and bottomless glasses of water--none of those are in the grandmother realm this time (though I suppose it couldn't hurt me to clean my house and to take a long walk with a bottle of water;-). The one thing in my baby prep habits that remains is to pray hard--incessantly really--the way that I prayed myself into labor when every one of my babies was waiting to push its way into my arms. And so, that's what I do. Pray and pray and pray. This is uncharted territory for all of us, but prayers for pregnancy, labor, delivery, and postpartum? Those are woven in wide ribbons through the fiber of my soul. Those I know.

I put aside the baby sewing a bit. This baby has everything she needs for those first few days. I think I have time to sew. And, frankly, I have a house full of children for whom some more utilitarian sewing is necessary. Dance competition season is upon us and I'm gathering ill-fitting costumes from nearly every class in the studio. There is much to be tucked and tacked and I'm really happy to do it. In the course of taking from a child a costume that doesn't work at all and making it something he or she is comfortable in and happy to wear, I usually get to know that child a bit. And I really, really like that. I like putting names to faces and being the friendly fingers that make an uncomfortable wardrobe situation a bit better.

And, it's not just my girls who need sewing. My boys have found ways to bring things to my attention, too. Please know that little mending item has not been sitting there since November. He found an out of date notepad. The task was dispatched the very same day.

I've been reading John Paul II this week, getting ready to celebrate his canonization, and honestly, looking at old, familiar words through eyes grown a little older and a perspective shifted just slightly from where it was when I was a young mom and he was a father on earth. I'm so grateful for the great cloud of witnesses, so glad to draw upon the wisdom and the grace and the faith of the people God gave me to love as I was learning about motherhood. We've suffered losses in the last year, tremendous losses of godly friends and influences. I'm surprised about how difficult it has been to come back to this place and to write again. I know well that revisiting grief over and over again in this space is not what I am called to do, but there have been more days than I ever imagined when I've just had nothing else to say. Much the way that birth transforms us--changes us every time--so, too does death. Every time.

There is no doubt that for our family this will forever be the season where death and birth walked hand in hand. It is much too soon for me to know what that means.

Tell me what your needles are busy doing. What you're reading in these last weeks of Lent?

April 03, 2014

Celebrating Baby Girl Foss

April 03, 2014/ Elizabeth Foss

Between trips to Charlottesville during the week that was, all the lovely ladies gathered to celebrate the nearly-here birth of Baby Girl Foss. It's almost time to hold her!

My sister threw an incredibly beautiful and super-sweet pink baby shower. It was lots of fun to eat, drink, and be merry as Kristin opened gifts. There weren't nearly as many handmade items from me as I'd imagined. She's not even here yet, and I'm already not the grandmother I envisioned. But I thought I'd sew all of the last three weeks and that turned out to be not the plan at all. I have several layette items cut and waiting, so I'm going to get busy.

Karoline did make some very sweet self-binding receiving blankets. The tutorial is here. Don't believe that lady for a minute when she tells you it's a ten minute project. At least don't believe her if you're a normal, regular seamstress. Or if you're seven years old.

Katie did a great job embellishing some cloth diapers with Anna Maria Horner ribbons. So pretty!

And, of course, there was baby's first book basket:-).

I did do quite a bit of reading this week. I listened to Bob Goff's Love Does in the car as I drove. It was nice enough to pass the time, but I don't really recommend the audio version. i think I would have liked it better if I'd just read it for myself. And, of course, I read Surprised by Motherhood. I talked about it quite a bit earlier this week. Do drop by that post and tell Kristin what how you've been surprised by motherhood. You'll be entered to win a copy of the book!